


Lessons from the Road

by Love (crazylove)



Series: Whatever It Takes [4]
Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-18
Updated: 2010-05-31
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 45,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazylove/pseuds/Love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's seven years later and Matt has a successful singing career while Anoop owns his own record label. They enjoy a nice life together in Nashville. Life becomes even more different when they decide to adopt a three year old boy named Bailey. They know that the transition won't be easy but when three months pass and nobody can tell them why Bailey still isn't talking Anoop decides they should take matters into their own hands. Soon, they embark on an impromptu road trip that takes them places they never expected to go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the Cuddle Post for your encouragement and support!
> 
>  
> 
> Warning: It's kinda sappy. :)

Matt started making arrangements as soon as he got off stage. He didn't know why but something was telling him that he needed to go home.

He called Anoop on his way to the airport but there was no answer, not on Anoop's cell or at the house. He had to admit that was part of the reason why he just needed to go. It wasn't the first time he'd left them alone but it was the longest and he wasn't surprised to find that a five days was just too damn long to be away. At least for now.

There weren't too many people on the next flight out from LA to Nashville, which thankfully left in the wee hours of the morning. They were mostly asleep but Matt couldn't relax that much. He put on his Bose headphones and closed his eyes but his mind was churning. He wanted to see Anoop. He wanted to hold his baby.

When they finally landed Matt hustled off the plane and nearly forgot his luggage in baggage claim. It was just after 9 and he tried calling again but the phone clicked immediately into voicemail, "Hello, you have reached Anoop Desai. Please leave a message." Matt hit end and groaned. He wasn't going to wait. He went outside and caught a cab, giving the man the quickest route home.

Matt knew he made the right decision when he saw Anoop's car in the driveway parked right next to his. He tipped the cabbie generously and then hurried to his front door. He heard Bailey crying as soon as he opened it even though Bailey was never loud. That was probably the worst part about when Bailey cried like this. He was quiet but the tears were constant and his face looked so sad that Matt's heart broke just thinking about it.

"Hey, it's me!" he called, dropping his stuff at the door. He didn't see anyone in the kitchen or the front room but they were right where he expected them, Anoop in the office which was the room right across from Bailey's first floor playroom. Anoop had his bluetooth on and papers spread in front of him.

"I don't have any record of that," Anoop said. He glanced up at Matt and looked surprised for only a moment before he seemed relieved. "I was under the impression that you were keeping track of the money, Brenda." Matt heard the tension in his voice and he knew that it had little to do with Brenda's expense reports. He walked over quickly and kissed the top of Anoop's head. From the papers scattered everywhere he could tell it had been a crazy few days.

"Sorry. I do remember that now," Anoop was saying. "Yes, I did say that."

Matt grabbed a pen and scribbled on a piece of paper, _how long?_

Anoop grabbed his pen and wrote back _HOURS_.

Matt sighed and turned away from Anoop and the blinking blue lighted device on his ear. Bailey was curled up on the floor in his playroom with those tears and his small face was swollen, arms wrapped around his favorite toy, a stuffed elephant Matt had found at a garage sale and Anoop made him wash it four times before he was allowed to give it to Bailey. He loved the worn elephant better than the huge teddy bear they got from FAO Schwartz or the kiddie laptop with all the video games you could hook up to the TV. Bailey was never without it.

Matt walked in the playroom slowly then got on the floor and crawled over to Bailey. He laid on the floor in front of him so they were face to face. Bailey watched him with unblinking, leaking eyes. The carpet was stain-resistant, brown, and comfortable.

"Hi, Bailey," Matt said quietly. "Hi Bailey-Bee. I'm back. I missed you so much. What's the matter? Are you sick? Does something hurt you, Bailey?"

Bailey didn't answer. He never did. He just wiped his face with one small hand. Matt hated this.

"You look like you got bigger since I've been gone," Matt said, smiling at him even though inside he also felt like crying, just to see Bailey like this. He sat up and opened his arms wide. "You're growing up all big and strong. Come here. Can I hug you?"

Matt kept smiling until Bailey sat up a little and then Matt pulled him gently into his lap. Bailey curled up against his body, dressed in dinosaur pajamas where the front was all wet. Matt crossed his legs and hunched over Bailey so that his chin rested very lightly on Bailey's curly hair and he rocked him back and forth. Some people told them to just ignore Bailey when he got like this but Matt couldn't stand that suggestion, wouldn't even consider it. This was just the third month. He needed Bailey to know that he would always be there for him.

"Shhhh..." Matt said. Bailey's arm were still wrapped around the elephant. "I'm right here. I'm right here, Bailey, Daddy's here. And your other daddy is here too. We're both here and we love you. I missed you so much. I don't like it when I'm not near my little boy."

He looked down at Bailey who didn't seem exactly relaxed but Matt didn't really know what else he could do for him. He rocked Bailey a little longer and then his foot started to fall asleep from being on the floor so he stood up carefully with Bailey still in his arms. Now Bailey wrapped his arms around Matt's neck which was a good sign. Matt kissed his face and wrapped his arms under Bailey's butt.

"You're gonna hang out with me," Matt said. "I'm never going to let you go. Deal?" He smiled when Bailey buried his face in Matt's shoulder. They would get through this, one day at a time.

He stood them, bouncing Bailey a bit, waiting for the feeling to return to his lower extremities and looking around the playroom which was a bit of a mess. The legos were scattered int the corner and there were a couple of books on the floor. Bailey's naptime sleeping bag was unfolded with a juice stain. He knew Anoop had to be frazzled; he didn't usually keep the place like that.

"Daddy just wanted to kiss you!" Matt said, kissing Bailey's cheek a bunch of times, loudly, until Bailey looked up at him with a small giggle and Matt knew that everything was going to be okay even though he could still taste the tears on Bailey's face.

"Ah-ha!" Matt said. "Are you smiling? Is Bailey smiling? No more tears. No time for tears!" He kissed Bailey a bunch more times and hugged him tightly. Anoop came in the room and Matt gave him a kiss too.

"I hate this," Anoop said.

"Come on," Matt said. Anoop touched Bailey's hair and Bailey buried his face against Matt again.

"I guess all he needed was you," Anoop said.

"We don't know, Noop," Matt said. "Nobody knows what to do when he gets like that. It was nothing you did."

"You're the only one that can get him to stop." Anoop's mouth was pressed in a somber line and he touched Bailey's back lightly.

"I just get lucky," Matt said, shifting Bailey's weight. "That's all. There's no rhyme or reason to this."

"There has to be something," Anoop said, something he'd insisted on time and time again but Matt thought the doctors were right. It would all pass, it was just a part of the transition period.

"What if he just doesn't like me?" Anoop whispered.

"No!" Matt said.

"I told you I wouldn't be any good at this," Anoop said. He pressed the heel of his hand to the side of his face and for a moment Matt thought he was going to be the next one to start crying and never stop.

"Stop it," Matt said. "What do you have to do today?"

"I've already missed two meetings," Anoop said. "But Bailey didn't sleep all night and he hasn't eaten..."

"Looks like Bailey isn't the only one who hasn't slept or had breakfast," Matt said. "Maybe you should just call everything off today."

"No, I did that yesterday," Anoop said. He rook a deep breath and pushed a hand through his hair. "I need to shower. I need to... I can still make the lunch--" He looked up at Matt like the thought had just occurred to him. "Where did you come from? You're not supposed to be back until Saturday."

"I just had to come home," Matt said. "I think I need to stay."

"Of course," Anoop said. "You knew I couldn't handle it."

Matt frowned but Anoop had already turned around. "I just need to get ready. I need some time alone." Anoop headed for the stairs and Matt looked at Bailey.

"It's stressful taking care of Daddy," he said. "You wanna eat some breakfast? What do you want? How about pudding for breakfast? This daddy can make pudding! You know what I do? I take the pudding out of the fridge and then I pull off the top. How's that?" He grinned at Bailey and tickled him under the ribs until Bailey smiled. "Yeah! Now that's fine dining."

He liked to carry Bailey even though he knew he probably shouldn't do it so much. But Bailey was small for a three-year-old and Matt hadn't gotten a chance to hold him when he was a baby. They had a lot of catching up to do.

"Do you want juice, Bailey?" Matt asked, strapping Bailey into his booster seat. "Do you want juice or water? Apple juice, orange juice?" He got both bottles of juice out from the fridge and held them up. Bailey looked between them and pointed at the apple juice. "This is what you want? You sure, Bee? Apple juice it is. I think I'll have some apple juice myself. It is quite delicious. I'm going to drink it out of Bailey's cup." He poured the apple juice into Bailey's blue cup and brought it to his lips. Bailey grinned, reaching for his cup.

"Noooooo, I think I'll have one more sip," Matt said, pretending to drink it again. Bailey laughed in his silent way and opened and closed his hands insistently.

"Alright, alright, alright," Matt said. "You can have it Bailey. I guess this is your cup anyway. But there's just one condition." He moved closer to Bailey and held the cup over Bailey's head just out of his reach. "You have to let me kiss you!" He kissed Bailey all over his face, laughing. He rubbed his nose against Bailey's and then kissed him there. "You're such a good little boy. Okay, you get that apple juice!" He placed the cup into Bailey's waiting hands. He didn't worry much about Bailey drinking out of a regular kids' cup or using his little utensils. Bailey was really competent about things like that. He could point out different states on a map and he knew exactly when Matt skipped just one word in his favorite book when Matt read to him at night. Bailey knew colors and shapes and numbers. He even knew a couple of simple tunes on the piano that Matt had taught him while Bailey sat in his lap. Matt's favorite thing was when he would hear him or Anoop on the radio and Bailey would point at the noise with a wide, knowing look on his face.

The only thing Bailey didn't do was talk. But Matt knew it was only a matter of time.

He had no doubt that Bailey could talk, even though nobody had heard him before. But he'd been in a very chaotic household and then in and out of foster homes for a few months so maybe the problem was that no one had ever heard him talk before. He tired telling Anoop but Anoop insisted on taking Bailey to a hearing doctor and then a speech therapist and a pediatric specialist and a child psychologist to have him evaluated for autism and everything else under the sun. But Matt knew before the experts told him that nothing was wrong with him because he loved to play with his toys, colored pictures on the floor, read books to himself and listened when Matt sang to him every night. Bailey knew everything that they said to him and he responded to questions the best that he could. He held up three fingers to say that he was 3 years old. He held up his arms when he needed a hug. He liked to slap high fives. Matt wasn't going to push it. The most important thing was that Bailey was taken care of and loved and that he felt safe and ready. Matt told Anoop that Bailey would talk when he was ready but Anoop was still jittery about the whole thing and there was nothing Matt could do about it.

Bailey's favorite flavor of pudding was Oreo so Matt brought him that. He placed it on the table in front of Bailey and put his spoon down on top of a napkin.

"That's for you, Bailey-Bee," Matt said, kissing the side of Bailey's head. He pulled gently at Bailey's curls, matted on the back of his head. They would have to do something about that, maybe have a bath and wash his hair. Matt yawned widely then and he remembered that Anoop and Bailey weren't the only two who didn't get any sleep last night.

"Why is he eating pudding?" Anoop said, appearing suddenly as Matt leaned against the kitchen wall.

"Huh?" Matt turned around. "He had a rough night."

"He needs to go to bed," Anoop said. "Not be up from a sugar high."

"There's no such thing as a sugar high," Matt said. "Noop, relax. He's fine, okay. It's tough but he's gonna be okay. It's not going to hurt him to have some pudding in the morning."

He glanced over at Bailey, eating his pudding carefully. He looked perfectly content.

"Whatever, Matt," Anoop said. He was dressed up in his boss clothes-- a nice shirt and slacks. Matt liked that he was in charge but it took up a lot of Anoop's time even though he promised he was going to ease back as soon as they got the baby.

"I'm making coffee," Matt said. He had yet to even plug the coffee maker in but it was the thought that counted.

"I gotta go," Anoop said. He looked at the door and then hesitated.

"Bailey," Matt said. "Say goodbye to Daddy... he's gotta go!" Bailey looked up from his pudding. When Anoop just stood there Matt pushed him forward.

"Bye Bailey," Anoop said. He skimmed his hand over Bailey's hair. "Love you, buddy."

Matt raised his eyebrows, waiting for Anoop to do more but Anoop just headed for the front door.

"When are you going to be back?" Matt called.

"I don't know," Anoop said. "I have a lot to catch up on."

"Don't stay out too long," Matt said. "We can have dinner together. Maybe pizza. Would that be cool?"

"Bailey's already had a lot of junk lately," Anoop said, giving Matt a pointed look. "And I don't want pizza." Then he was out the door. Matt watched the door for a few moments after it closed and then he groaned.

"It's just temporary," Matt said to himself. "Temporary, temporary, temporary."

He walked back to the kitchen and plugged the coffee maker in. Then he found his stash of Redbull in the fridge and decided that was much faster.

"How's the pudding, Bailey?" Matt asked after he chugged his Redbull. His heart beat faster in his chest so he figured that meant he was more awake. The pudding was all over his mouth and his shirt and his hands. Matt grabbed a napkin and went to clean him up.

"You're tasty!" he said, kissing Bailey's hand. "Yummy." Bailey wrinkled his nose, giggling.

"Yeah..." Matt said, looking around the kitchen which was also a bit of a mess. "What did you and Anoop _do_ without me? Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we go take a bath and we'll put on our chill clothes and then you can color and I'll clean up. And then maybe we'll take a nap? How about that? Daddy wants to put that nap part first but I guess we're both wired." He lifted Bailey out of his booster seat and put him on the floor. But Bailey just clutched his jeans with his still sticky hands so Matt picked him up again. He didn't think they could spoil Bailey like this, not yet, so he was going to hold him as long as he wanted to be held.

"Do you want to use the bubbles?" Matt asked, walking up the stairs, carefully. He liked that Bailey had a bathroom connected to his bedroom but it always made him nervous, like Bailey might get up and turn the water on in the tub late one night and then fall in. He didn't even know if that was possible but it was something he thought about anyway. Kids could do just about everything you never thought they could do.

"Okay, bath time," Matt said, once they got to Bailey's room. Matt wanted to paint it a soothing color and the guy at Benjamin Moore suggest a blue that Matt liked a lot. Bailey seemed to like it too, at least Matt thought he did when he would stare at the ceiling when Matt read to him at night. Bailey had his own bookshelf and toy chest. His bed was small and low to the ground. Matt worried that it would collapse when he got on it but so far the bed had held up for a quick snuggle and a few kisses goodnight.

He pointed at the mirror over Bailey's small dresser. "Look who it is," he said. Bailey stared in the mirror and then looked at Matt. "The best little boy in the whole wide world," Matt said, answering himself. He tickled Bailey under his arm and kissed his cheek just to see him smile with all his little teeth and his double-dimples in light brown cheeks. He carried Bailey into the bathroom and set him down on the green rug.

"Bubbles it is!" Matt said. Bailey raised his hand happily when Matt pulled out the yellow bottle. He knelt beside the tube to run the water and squirted the sweet smelling soap at the base of the running water. When he glanced over his shoulder Bailey was looking at his empty hands and then he looked at Matt with sad eyes.

"Oh!" Matt said. "Where's your elephant? We left him downstairs. Come on, we'll get him. Don't worry." He jumped to his feet and grabbed Bailey, jogging back out of the room and down the stairs. Bailey was instantly soothed when he had his elephant in his arms and Matt didn't think the Redbull was working. He walked back up the stairs, slower, stopping once to yawn.

"You have to name your elephant," Matt said, when they returned to the bathroom. The tub was still filling, quickly. Matt pulled Bailey's pajama shirt over his head. Bailey hugged the toy to his chest. "What's his name going to be, hmmmm? Or is it a girl? You know, we're allowed to have a girl in this house. That's no problem. But you have to tell me, I want to know what to call your friend! Does your elephant have a name?"

He pulled off Bailey's socks and then his socks so Bailey was sitting on the floor in just his Lion King underwear. Bailey kept clutching the elephant but he was watching Matt carefully. Matt knew Bailey could understand him. That had never been an issue. He just wanted to make sure he understood Bailey and looking into Bailey's somber brown eyes Matt could tell there was a lot going on in that little of head of his that he still had yet to figure out.

"He does have a name, doesn't he?" Matt said. "Well, you can tell me any time you want to. I'll always listen. A friend of Bailey's is a friend of mine!"

Bailey laughed for some reason which made Matt laugh. Then Bailey pointed at the bubbles which were overflowing over the side of the tub.

"Shit!" Matt said, scrambling to turn off the water. "Sorry, Bailey, sorry! I mean, oh no! That's a lot of water. I have to drain it. We'll get it going in a minute here, we're gonna have bath time." Matt swatted some bubbles out of his face and Bailey laughed some more. Matt blew bubbles at Bailey and grinned, thinking that he'd do anything to hear Bailey laugh.

Bailey seemed content during the bath, splashing in the bubbles and he also washed himself a little. Matt took care of his hair with no-tears shampoo and played with his rubber ducky. When Bailey's little fingers started to prune Matt lifted him out of the tub and wrapped him in a big, fluffy towel, patting him dry from head to toe.

"We're feeling good," Matt said, kneeling on the floor and brushing Bailey's hair quickly. "We're smelling good. That's the power of a bath, Bailey. You look like a million bucks. High five." He held up his hand and Bailey slapped it enthusiastically.

He helped Bailey get dressed in his room. He was good about putting on his shirt and his shorts as long as Matt sure he didn't put them on backwards. Bailey picked up his play sneakers and held them out to Matt.

"You wanna go outside?" Matt said. "Okay, we can do that." He figured playing in the yard would be the quickest way to tired Bailey out for his nap and then Matt could have a nap too. He put the shoes on Bailey's feet and tied them up snugly.

Bailey seemed to be in a good mood as he scrambled down the stairs. Matt followed him to the back door and unlocked it so Bailey could open it. He liked to open doors, even though it took him a few times. That was the main reason they kept the door locked.

It was cloudy outside but otherwise warm. Bailey ran over to his swingset and climbed into the swing. Matt remembered when the yard was just barren. There wasn't even grass growing back there. Now they had a swing set with a slide and a jungle gym. There was a kiddie basketball hoop and a picnic table. The grass was thick and so green that it almost seemed blue. The house had been a great investment. Even when they bought it 5 years ago Matt had been hoping that's where they could start a family.

Bailey liked to climb up the ladder and slide down the slide. He could do that over and over again. But he also liked the swing. Matt watched him struggle to push, kicking his legs frantically but never quite going anywhere.

"I'll give you a push, Bee," Matt said. He pushed Bailey gently and Bailey grinned, gripping the plastic, safety coated chains, still kicking his feet. Matt didn't push too hard because he could imagine Anoop standing nearby saying, don't push him so _high_ Matt. He slowed the swing down when Bailey stopped kicking his legs.

"You wanna get off?" he asked. Bailey slipped out of the swing as soon as it was still enough and then he ran for the slide so he could go up and down. The best idea Anoop had was to hang a hammock from two trees that were the perfect distance and it wasn't too far from Bailey's play area. Matt climbed up in that and tried not to get too comfortable.

Bailey paused at the top of the slide and looked all around.

"I'm right here, Bailey!" Matt called. "I'm not going anywhere."

He smiled when Bailey seemed to relax and went back to sliding down the slide and climbing back up again. Matt refused to let his eyes close so he watched Bailey, running and sliding and twirling around, off in his own little world. He refused to believe anyone that said something was wrong with Bailey, that his lack of speech was a major delay. If they spent any real time with him they would know that Bailey was a very bright kid. He just had to come around in his own time.

Bailey played for around a half hour before Matt noticed that his feet were starting to drag. He hauled himself out of the hammock and followed Bailey back to the slide.

"Daddy said you didn't get much sleep last night," Matt said. "You wanna go take a nap? Let's go take a nap together." Of course, that wasn't part of the plan. Matt meant to tidy up while Bailey was sleeping. But his body refused to cooperate so he just carried Bailey to his room and laid him on the bed. He kicked off his own shoes and then pulled Bailey's sneakers off gently.

"That was a lot of fun," Matt said. "I love playing outside. Do you love playing outside, Bailey?" Bailey watched him sleepily, a hand in his hair. Then he nodded. Matt nodded back.

"Yeah, I thought so. I just didn't want to assume. You know, it's okay to talk to me. Anything you have to say."

Bailey looked thoughtful and for a moment Matt thought the little boy was actually going to speak. But he just climbed into Matt's lap and clung to his chest. Matt smoothed his hand over Bailey's hair and then laid back so Bailey could curl up against him. Bailey rested his head on Matt's chest and closed his eyes.

"Have a good nap, Bailey-Bee," Matt said, closing his eyes too. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

Matt woke up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Anoop was standing there beside the bed, eyes apologetic.

"I'm sorry," Anoop said. "I was an asshole this morning."

"Yeah," Matt said thickly, not quite awake. He almost sat up before he remembered that Bailey was still on top of him, fast asleep.

Anoop sat on the edge of the bed and kissed Matt lightly. "I really missed you," he said. Matt smiled up at him taking in all the changes in him that had just occurred over the last three months since they adopted Bailey. His jawline was a little tighter, his eyes a little more serious. But there was happiness there too, like the first time Anoop held Bailey after the adoption hearing. Matt had never seen that supreme amount of joy on Anoop's face as he hugged their little boy.

But it was hard. Matt knew that.

"You didn't have to come home," Anoop said, laying back.

"Yes, I did," Matt said. "It's better to be home."

Anoop nodded and reached out to stroke Bailey's hair. "Yeah, it's better to be home," he said. "I couldn't concentrate. I told them I was going to cut back anyway. Everything is running well..." He trailed off and then gave Matt a deeper kiss, the kind of kiss Matt had been craving for even longer than the three days he'd been away. When they finally pulled away he was breathing a little easier.

"You're so good with him, Matt," Anoop said. "I don't know I can be like that."

"Yes you can," Matt said. "I mean, you are. You love him. You're his dad, Noop. You can do anything."

"He was unhappy all the time without you," Anoop said. "He didn't want to eat anything. He wet the bed. He wouldn't stop crying. What am I supposed to think? That's me, Matt. He didn't want to be alone with me."

"No," Matt said. "Maybe he was just upset because he's used to both of us together! We don't know what happened to him. Maybe he was scared I wasn't coming back but that doesn't mean he didn't want to be alone with you. He just had a big interruption in his routine. This is still new, Anoop. Really really new. We have to give it time. Remember that."

Anoop nodded. "Yeah," he said. "I know that. But I guess... I know that logically but it still hurts my feelings. I feel like he's rejecting me. I don't know, Matt. I just want to do right by him. I want to do everything right."

"It's not going to _perfect_," Matt said. "No matter what we do, Noop. But as long as he's happy and taken care of and flourishing then we're doing our jobs. Right? He's not rejecting you! Bailey loves you, too. He loves both of us. But he's just a baby... he needs a lot more than he can give."

Anoop nodded but he still didn't look convinced. He laid back on bed and then scooted closer to Matt and put his head on his shoulder.

"I didn't even ask," Anoop said. "How were the shows?"

"Great," Matt said. "It was fun but I made a lot of good connections. You know how we were talking about hiring a new sound engineer?"

"Tell Tiffany about that," Anoop said. "I'm on vacation. Starting now. And you're on vacation too."

"Really?" Matt grinned. "Whatever you say. You're the boss. How long is the vacation for?"

"It's for a while," Anoop said. "We need to devote all our time to being a family. It's too fragmented right now. That's not good for Bailey. We're gonna take a vacation and be together. We have to focus on Bailey because I want to make sure that he starts talking."

"That's a good idea, Noop," Matt said. "But we don't want to push him."

"No, we won't push him," Anoop said. "Just spend time with him. Have an adventure with him. I was thinking... you know how the ASCAP conference is at the end of the month?"

"Yeah," Matt said, watching Anoop. He hadn't seen this much excitement out of him in a while. He rubbed Bailey's back, feeling a bit jittery himself.

"Well, we really need to be there. What if we just take our time and drive there! We'll stop different places on the way..."

"You want to go on a roadtrip with our three year old?" Matt asked. "To LA?"

"Yeah," Anoop said. "It's like when we moved down here. That was fun, right? Just spending time together, eating junk food and going to random places. I can't stop thinking about this, Matt. It's just stuck in my head. I think we should do it. Yes, it's crazy but--"

"Okay, Anoop," Matt said. He didn't even have to think about it. If Anoop couldn't get it out of his mind then they needed to do this. "When do we leave?"

"Give me a couple of days to get everything together," Anoop said. He kissed Matt happily and Matt kissed him back even harder. His heart was pounding but not in a jittery way like the redbull, a good way. They needed something like this, something to shake things up.

"And if we leave in a couple of days then we'll have a good two weeks to get there," Anoop said and Matt could tell he really had been thinking about this hard. "We can take our time... and if it really doesn't work we can turn around but it's going to work, Matt."

"It's going to work," Matt agreed. He kissed Anoop again and then they got really into it until he felt Bailey stir.

"Hey, look who's awake," Anoop said, pulling away quickly. Matt sat up and smiled as Anoop pulled Bailey into his arms. "Feeling better?" Anoop kissed Bailey's face and Matt smiled. He wrapped his arms around both of them.

"My two favorite guys," Matt said. He tried to think of something else to say but he was pretty sure that said it all.

* 

"Okay, Bee," Matt said, strapping Bailey into his car seat. Bailey watched him and held his elephant. "Here's the plan. Daddy Anoop is gonna drive for a little while. Then we'll have lunch! Then I'll drive. Or something like that. But I'll sit back here with you. How about that?" He kissed Bailey and wiggled the baseball cap on his head. The roadtrip was Anoop's idea but the hats were all Matt's. He got the blue baseball caps from target. Only Bailey's was cute because it was small and it fit him perfectly and Bailey seemed to like putting it on his head. Anoop kept trying to curl the brim and Matt had his on sideways so he felt old but silly at the same time. Matt didn't know how long the hat thing was going to last but it was good for at least the first day.

"I think I'm done," Anoop said from the back of the minivan. They decided to rent so they could just leave the car in California and the minivan was the best choice for room and mileage, although it wasn't the most stylish vehicle on the road. Matt tried to talk Anoop into the newest luxury SUV they had on the spot but Anoop stayed practical when it came to money, even if they were having a very good year.

Matt walked around and surveyed the suitcases crammed back there.

"Do you think we're taking too much?" he said, giving Anoop a skeptical look.

"Probably," Anoop said. He pushed a button the key remote and the rear door came down by itself. "I'm ready to go."

"Two guys," Matt said in a low voice. He put his arms around Anoop's waist and pulled him close so their noses were practically touching. "One baby. One hotel room. We'll never have any time alone."

"I know," Anoop said. "Aren't you used to it?"

Sadly, Matt was used to it. He remembered the old days when they couldn't keep their hands off each other, no matter how hard they tried or how many months they stayed apart. It was like that for a long time, even after they moved in together. But they were older now, with a kid, so it couldn't be that way anymore but that didn't mean Matt didn't miss it. He didn't know how to recapture that period in their relationship but he decided that this roadtrip was as good a time as any to at least try.

He pushed Anoop's cap back and kissed him tenderly. Anoop kissed him back and the kisses became deeper and deeper until Anoop pulled away and glanced quickly through the back window at Bailey sitting quietly in his seat.

"He's okay," Matt said.

"I just hate that if anything was wrong with him..." Anoop trailed off and sighed. "He wouldn't make a sound."

"Nothing's wrong with him," Matt said.

"You keep saying that," Anoop said. "I'm going to lock up. You have everything?"

Anoop walked toward the house without waiting for an answer. Matt climbed in the back of the minivan and settled in the seat next to Bailey. Bailey reached for him with a smile on his face.

"Sorry, baby," Matt said. "I can't hold you right now. We're about to get on the road. You have to stay in your car seat. Daddy can hold your hand, though." He reached out for Bailey's small hand but Bailey pulled it away from him and his face crumpled up. Matt leaned over and rubbed Bailey's arm. "Don't cry, Bailey. I'm right here. I'm right here, Bee! I'm right here." But Bailey was crying anyway, not in any loud way, but in that silent, weight-of-the-world weary, sad, sad way that Matt couldn't stand. He quickly unstrapped Bailey from his car seat and pulled him into his lap.

"Okay, Bailey," Matt whispered into his hair. "I'll hold you for a little while."

Anoop stopped in front of the open door when he got back to the minivan.

Matt smiled, apologetically. "Bailey's not ready to leave yet."

Anoop sighed. "We're going to be--" He stopped himself and Matt was grateful. "Okay." He leaned in and gave Matt's arm a squeeze. "I'm going to make a phone call. I'll be right back."

Matt held Bailey tighter. By now he was over sniffing. Matt kissed his ear and rocked him a little. "Wish you could tell me what you're scared of," Matt said. "What are you thinking, Bailey-Bee?" He sat there, holding Bailey silently, but as usual he didn't get an answer.


	2. Chapter 2

Matt didn't want Anoop to know but he was nervous. The whole idea was tricky. They were uprooting Bailey after trying for months to have him feel at home in _their_ home. He didn't know how Bailey would do with a long car ride. He'd never been in the car more than 30 minutes with them. What if he got really restless? What if he got carsick? They planned on stopping about every two hours. Bailey was pretty well potty-trained but sometimes it was hard to tell when he had to go especially since he didn't tell them. There were a few accidents just from not being able to find a bathroom in time. Anoop worried about Bailey holding it too long and being really uncomfortable. Matt thought that was a good idea. They'd have plenty of opportunities to get out of the car and stretch. They weren't exactly in a hurry.

Bailey seemed fine once they got going. Anoop was determined to do anything that might stimulate Bailey to talk so they listened to an album of silly children's songs that Megan had put out a couple years ago. Bailey seemed to like them. He was grinning so much that they played the songs all over again and Anoop sang even louder, sticking to the speed limit. Bailey learned some of the hand motions the second time around, like flapping his arms like a chicken.

But he didn't sing along.

Anoop wanted to stick to back roads because they had less traffic and more scenery. Bailey loved looking out the window and pointing at the cows.

"Yeah, there's another cow," Matt said cheerfully. "What do cows say, Bailey? Can you say what a cow says?" He moo'ed and Anoop moo'ed and it was funny hearing Anoop moo like that so Matt always cracked up when that happened. Bailey laughed too but he didn't moo.

The first stop was Atlanta, which meant they were actually heading away from LA but Anoop planned to turn around after that and drive back through Birmingham, Alabama and then up to Memphis. Matt let him be in charge of the route. He'd just drive in whichever direction Anoop told him to.

Matt climbed up front when Bailey had dozed off for a little bit. He settled in the front seat and reached out to squeeze Anoop's knee.

"Hi," he said.

"Moo," Anoop said somberly. Then they both laughed.

"We should tell Megan her CD is a big hit," Matt said. He squeezed Anoop's knee harder. Anoop smiled.

"She already knows," Anoop said. "It got nominated for a Grammy."

"Did you ever think we'd be using it when she made it?" Matt asked. "With our own kid?"

Anoop shook his head. That had been just three years ago. Matt thought about how it was amazing life could change so fast.

"I'm so old!" Matt said. "But I don't feel that old. Do I look 32?"

Anoop glanced at him with both hands on the steering wheel. "You look good. I feel old sometimes."

"Well, you're not." Matt rubbed the back of his neck. It felt good just to touch him. "We can do this. I think you need to loosen up a bit, Noop."

Anoop sighed. He looked over his shoulder at Bailey for a moment. "I'm... you're right. We're going to have fun. I just want Bailey to really enjoy us. You know?"

"He does," Matt said. "He will. It's already a good trip. Don't worry." He leaned over and kissed Anoop's cheek and then his neck. "Don't worry, Anoop." Anoop smiled, one corner of his mouth higher than the other. Matt took his hand and held it until Anoop needed both hands to turn off the highway.

The rest stop was clean and bright with a big grassy area where people could sit at picnic tables. Bailey seemed ready to get down when Matt took him out of the car seat. They walked toward the building with different eateries, a convenience store, and big public bathrooms. Bailey held both their hands and they swung him up over the curb. He grinned up at Matt, delighted.

"See, it's more fun to walk," Matt said, squeezing Bailey's hand lightly. Anoop helped Bailey in the bathroom and Matt waited outside after he was done with his business. Bailey ran over to him as soon as he and Anoop came out. Matt expected Bailey to pull on his jeans so Matt would pick him up but then Bailey ran ahead, heading for the door.

"Bailey," Anoop called. "Stop."

Bailey waited for them at the door and Matt smiled at Anoop.

"Maybe he won't want me to carry him so much anymore," Matt said. "My back can't take it."

"Or you could just say no," Anoop said. "You don't have to pick him up every single time."

It was a good point but Matt doubted he could ever say no.

They sat outside for a little while with Teddy Grahams Anoop brought and water that Matt bought from the convenience store. Bailey wasn't interested in the snack--he was too busy playing with the bubbles Anoop gave him--but Matt thought the Teddy Grahams were delicious.

"You know what would make these even better?" Matt said, grabbing another handful from the box. "Peanut butter. Have they thought about that yet? You could make Teddy Graham sandwiches with peanut butter in the middle. We got any peanut butter, Noop?"

Anoop just rolled his eyes. Bailey was crouched in the grass in front of them attempting to blow some bubbles. Bubble solution sloshed all over his hand. Anoop thought blowing bubbles might strengthen Bailey's diaphragm or something. Matt knew Anoop had been reading a lot of stuff on the internet but he wasn't about to say anything.

"There you go, buddy!" Anoop said enthusiastically when Bailey finally got a bubble off. Bailey looked up at it, amazed. Then he turned to Matt and tried to hand him the bubbles.

"Give it to Daddy Anoop, Bee," Matt said. "My hands are full!"

Bailey frowned, still holding out the bubbles.

"He can blow really big ones, I promise," Matt said. "Daddy knows all about how Daddy Anoop can blow." Anoop hit him in the chest and Matt nearly choked on his latest mouthful of Teddy Grahams.

Anoop took the bubbles from Bailey and blew a nice stream for him. Bailey jumped around, trying to pop them all. Suddenly, a little girl came running over to them, hands in the air.

"Ooo, bubbles!" she cried. "Can I play? Can I play too?!"

Her mom caught up with her, breathlessly. "I'm sorry," she said.

"It's okay," Anoop said. "Sure you can play. Ready?" He blew some more bubbles and Matt watched Bailey and the little girl both run after them.

"Thank you," the woman said. "It's been a long car ride. She has a lot of energy. She loves bubbles."

"No problem," Anoop said. It was kind of nice watching Bailey play with another kid, even though they weren't really playing together. They were just chasing bubbles in the same space but it was still cute.

"I love bubbles!" the little girl exclaimed. "I'm going to live in a bubble! Do you want to live in a bubble?" She looked at Bailey and Anoop and Matt, apparently asking everyone. "Bubbles go pop pop pop. More bubbles! Thank you! Hi, what's your name?" she turned to Bailey during a lull in the bubbles. "I'm Emily!"

"Hey Emily," Anoop said. "That's Bailey."

"Bailey is adorable," the woman said. "How old is he?"

"He's just about three-and-a-half," Anoop said. Matt watched Bailey watch Emily more closely as she ran after the bubbles. He seemed perplexed by her.

"I'm 4!" Emily declared.

"No." Her mom chuckled. "Emily is three-and-a-half, too."

"I'm 13!" Emily said. "I'm 137." She threw her head back and cackled. Matt had to laugh too.

"Sorry," her mom said with a slight blush. "Emily is such a chatterbox. She has a big imagination and I can't seem to turn it off."

"Bubbles, Mommy," Emily said, running over to her. "I want bubbles!"

"We'll discuss it," her mom said. She gave Anoop a little wave. "Thanks guys. Bye Bailey. Say thank you to Bailey for letting you play with him."

"Bye Bailey," Emily called. "Thank you, Bailey!"

Matt turned away from Emily with a big smile on his face but he stopped smiling as soon as he took a close look at Anoop. "Come on," Anoop said, gathering up their stuff. "Let's get back on the road."

"That's..." Matt trailed off, not sure what to say. He just let Anoop go on ahead. Bailey sat in the grass, looking up toward the bright blue sky.

"What are you looking at, Bailey?" Matt tried to follow his gaze but he didn't see anything but sky. "Looks like you made a new friend today! Wasn't she nice? Emily. She certainly had a lot to say. But guess what?" He knelt down in front of Bailey and grinned. "I bet you have a lot to say too, Bailey-Bee. We just have to get it out of you. How can we get it out of you? I know..." Matt started wiggling his fingers as he moved them slowly toward Bailey. "The tickle monster is gonna get you!"

Bailey started laughing and collapsed back against the grass even before Matt touched him. Matt tickled him, laughing himself, and then he carried Bailey upside down back to the car.

"Look what I found," Matt said, Bailey giggling, squirming and red-faced in his arms. "What should I do with it?"

"Just get him in his car seat," Anoop said, obviously not willing to play along. Matt sighed and got Bailey all strapped in. It helped that Bailey was still grinning.

"You wanna sit in the back, Noop?" Matt asked. "I can drive."

"No, just let me drive," Anoop said. "I want to get to the hotel room soon. I know where it is."

"Fine," Matt said. He kissed Bailey, then climbed in the minivan and sat on the other side in the back.

Anoop didn't play the silly songs or moo when they saw a cow on the way to the hotel. Matt read a couple of books to Bailey quietly until he started getting a headache. Maybe he was the one who got carsick. He was grateful when they finally stopped at their hotel. Anoop went back to the car to get their suitcases while Matt set Bailey up with dinner, a kids' meal they bought on the road, spread out on the floor on top of a bunch of napkins.

"Carrot sticks instead of french fries," Matt said, opening the bag. "Yum." He made a face to himself. "I'll order next time." Bailey didn't seem to mind.

Matt jumped up to help Anoop when he finally got back. Anoop just dropped the bags on the floor and then he laid down on the bed.

"You look tired," Matt said.

"Yeah," Anoop said, laying on his back.

"Long first day," Matt said. "You should let me drive tomorrow and sit back there with Bailey."

"Okay," Anoop said but he wasn't looking at him.

"You wanna give Bailey his bath?" Matt said. "I bet we can put him down early tonight. Actually, it's not that early. It's already after 7."

"You can do it," Anoop said. "He likes it better when you do it anyway."

"No, he doesn't," Matt said. Anoop didn't say anything. "Hey." Matt sighed. "You just can't compare Bailey to other kids, okay? You'll drive yourself crazy."

"Did you see her?" Anoop said, sitting up. "Most importantly, did you _hear_ her? We don't know if it's been three months or three and half years! But however long it's been it's way too long for Bailey to go without talking. He should be singing Megan's kid songs. He should be telling stories."

Matt clenched his jaw for a moment until he could relax it enough to speak. "Bailey should be doing whatever Bailey's doing," he said, slowly. "There's nothing wrong with him."

"Yes there is!" Anoop snapped. "It's not just a matter of time. It's not just getting used to us. It's not that he doesn't have anything to say. Something is _wrong_ with Bailey! Something is wrong!"

"So what are you saying?" Matt said. "You just wanna return our baby like a defective product?"

Anoop's mouth dropped open and he stared at Matt for a moment. Matt's chest tightened but he didn't take it back.

"No," Anoop finally said. "I'm just saying something's wrong and if we don't figure out what and _fix_ it before it's too late... I'll never be able to forgive myself." Anoop got off the bed and shook his head. Matt wanted to go to him but he couldn't get himself to move. "I don't know why you think I don't love Bailey. I love him with all my heart. I'm giving him all I have, Matt. I'm just not getting anything back. And nothing's getting better."

"I didn't say--" Matt said but Anoop was already out of the door. Matt closed his eyes for a moment. He wanted to go after him but Bailey was still sitting on the floor with his chicken nuggets and carrot sticks.

Matt went to plug in his cellphone and accidentally knocked over Bailey's drink. The top came off and the fruit punch spilled all over the floor and some of it got on Bailey's shorts. Bailey looked down at the mess and started to cry.

"Oh, Bailey-Bee," Matt said. "That's my fault. That's daddy's fault. Don't cry, it's okay! I'll get you some more."

He grabbed a towel from the bathroom and placed it over the mess. Then he picked Bailey up and held him tightly.

"Sorry," he whispered. "We shouldn't fight in front of you. Oh Bailey, we just love you a lot, okay? I'm sorry I said that." He sighed and kissed Bailey's hair but Bailey wouldn't stop crying and Matt knew it was going to be one of those nights. He hated those silent, endless tears. He held Bailey wordlessly for a while, just rocking him back and forth endlessly. Then he got Bailey undressed for his bath. He tried singing and talking to Bailey like everything was normal but Bailey kept crying and Anoop still hadn't come back. Matt couldn't get the awful thought out of his mind that Anoop wasn't coming back and he was stuck here with a toddler that couldn't tell him why he couldn't stop crying. Matt took a few deep breaths, trying to keep himself together. He toweled Bailey off and smiled at him shakily.

"No time for tears, right, Bailey?" he said softly. He wiped Bailey's face. "Why are you so sad? What's wrong, baby?"

He got Bailey in his pajamas and then laid on the bed with him, holding him close to his chest. Just like all the other times Matt knew he just had to wait it out but it still broke his heart. He wanted to make sure that Bailey was always happy but he just didn't know how to do that.

Anoop came back around nine. Bailey was still crying and now he had the hiccups. Matt rubbed Bailey's back, helplessly.

"Hey," Anoop said. "God, I'm sorry, Matt."

"Where did you go?" Matt asked.

Anoop shook his head. "I was just in the car. I don't know. I..." he trailed off and shrugged. "I'll take him." Matt let go of Bailey and let Anoop pull him off the bed. Anoop walked back and forth across the room singing the "You Are My Sunshine" song in Bailey's ear over and over again until Bailey rested his head on Anoop's shoulder with his thumb in his mouth and he wasn't hiccuping or crying anymore. Matt set up the portable toddler bed they'd brought for Bailey and Anoop laid him down in it.

"Sweet dreams, sweetheart," Anoop said. "I wish it wasn't so hard for you."

Matt watched Bailey close his little eyes. Anoop threw his arms around him and they held each other for a long time, standing close to Bailey.

"You wanna turn around?" Matt asked. Anoop shook his head and kissed Matt lightly.

"No..." Anoop said. "No, I still want to do this. Sorry, I just freaked out there for a moment. But it's driving me crazy, Matt. I just want Bailey to talk to me."

"Me too," Matt said.

"I want him to stop crying," Anoop said. "We've gotta figure this out. Just seeing that little girl... it reminded me... we have a lot of work to do."

"Yeah," Matt said and in that moment he felt older than he ever had. Bailey was on his back, eyelids fluttering every now and then.

"We didn't have dinner," Anoop said. "You want to order something?"

Matt shook his head. He didn't really feel like eating.

"Let's take a shower," Anoop suggested.

"Together?" Matt took his eyes off of Bailey and focused on Anoop. It was ridiculous how they could live together but sometimes he felt like he missed Anoop so much.

"He'll be okay," Anoop said. "We'll leave the door open. We need to relax..." He ran his fingers through Matt's hair and then kissed him hungrily. Matt kissed him back just the same. Anoop was right, they needed this.

They kept the bathroom door open so the room didn't get as steamy as Matt liked it but it was enough to have Anoop's hot hands on him. They didn't make too much noise but sometimes Matt didn't mind communicating without words.

* 

Matt volunteered to get Bailey up so Anoop could take a run. Anoop exercised to deal with stress; Matt shopped. He could do that in the car.

Bailey woke up with a smile on his face. Matt grinned back and gave him a big hug.

"Morning, Bailey-Bee!" Matt said brightly. "Ready for the day? We're going to hang out in Atlanta and go to the children's museum and see some friends. Isn't that fun?"

Bailey picked out an outfit and Matt helped him with his shoes. He decided to wait for Anoop so they could have breakfast together.

"Let's play!" Matt said, settling on the floor with Bailey and one of his playsets. It was a collection of small rubber animals. Matt picked out a couple of dogs and a bunny.

"Look," Matt said. "This baby bunny has two daddies just like you do! Isn't that cool?"

Bailey watched him moving the toys and nodded.

"Yeah, it's really cool. Kids with two dads are really special. And look, the baby bunny is different from his daddies. They're dogs and he's a bunny! But they're still a family because his daddies love him so much. Who do you want to play with, Bailey?" Matt held out the dogs and the bunny. After a moment Bailey chose the bunny.

"So," Matt said, speaking as one of the daddy dogs. "What do you want to do today, bunny? We love you so much that we'll do whatever you want to do!"

Matt marched the dogs over to Bailey's hand. Bailey made the bunny hop around the dogs in a circle.

"I think the daddies are sad," Matt said. "They wish their little baby bunny could talk to them so they knew what he wanted to do today! Can their baby bunny talk to them?"

Bailey kept hopping the bunny around in random places. Matt watched him, waiting patiently. Just when he was about to give up Bailey shook his head.

"He can't?" Matt asked, heart pounding in his throat. "Why can't the baby bunny talk to his daddies? Is he scared? Is it hard? Does it hurt? What do you think, Bailey? Does he want to talk to his daddies?"

Bailey sat back on his knees and clutched the bunny in his hand. He looked at Matt with his big brown eyes so full of knowing and longing. In that moment he seemed so much older than three.

"Of course he does," Matt whispered. "Of course he wants to talk to his daddies. Well, what happened? What do you think, Bailey?" Matt took a deep breath and tired to think about the best way to go about this. "Did something happen to the baby bunny? Did somebody get upset when he tried to talk? Did somebody hurt him?"

Bailey clutched the toy to his chest.

Matt struggled to keep a calm look on his face. Really he wanted to grab Bailey and start screaming for someone to tell him what happened to his baby.

"It must be hard for the baby bunny," Matt said. "No wonder he gets sad sometimes."

Bailey looked away and then he laid on his side. Matt figured he was done with the game but then he hopped the baby bunny over to the dogs and made the bunny kiss them all over. Then he crawled into Matt's lap and kissed him on the cheek and on his nose just like Matt did to him.

It was the first time Bailey had kissed him.

"Oh Bailey," Matt said, wrapping his arms around him tightly. "I love you, Bailey. I wish I could have known you your whole life. You're everything to me."

He was still holding Bailey when Anoop came back. Matt liked him in his shorts and wifebeater, arms slick with sweat.

"It's hot," Anoop said. "Not even 8 in the morning and it's really hot out there."

"Hurry up, Noop," Matt said. "Bailey's hungry! We were waiting on you."

"Okay, okay," Anoop said. "Are you in a good mood, Bailey? You look like it."

"He kissed me." Matt stood up with Bailey in his arms. "It's a good day."

"I hope he didn't kiss you like this." Anoop tilted Matt's chin up and kissed him. Then he kissed Bailey's forehead and Bailey beamed at him. "Give me five minutes guys. Then we can go to the lobby for the complimentary breakfast. There's waffles and eggs. It looks really good."

"Hurry up!" Matt said, laughing. Bailey slipped out of his arms and ran for the door. He reached up and tried to touch the doorknob. Then he looked back at Matt expectantly.

"You're too slow, Anoop," Matt said. "Bailey's ready to go and so am I. Meet you down there."

He opened the door. Bailey grabbed his hand and pulled him like he knew where he was going.

"Lead the way, Bailey," Matt said. Bailey actually did know where the elevator was and when Matt held him up so he could push the button he had the biggest smile on his face. Matt let him eat two donuts before Anoop came downstairs.


	3. Chapter 3

They had a busy day planned so as soon as they finished breakfast they got on the road. Matt was excited to go to the Georgia Aquarium because he hadn't been there in a while and he loved seeing all of the mysterious sea animals. He was even more excited to share it with Bailey. They hadn't taken him to anything like that before, not a zoo, not even a Chuck E. Cheese. Anoop pushed the stroller but Bailey preferred to be held so Matt carried him most of the time and pointed out the brightly colored fish swimming behind the glass.

It was a Saturday so it was really crowded. Everyone was moving slowly but Matt didn't mind. He felt like Bailey could spend hours staring at the same tank. He pointed at the fish that glowed in the dark and you could see through them.

"Look at their bones," Matt said. "Yeah, Bailey, this is way cool."

Bailey turned to him and grinned.

If Matt had to categorize he would say that he was moderately famous and that was okay by him. Matt had a couple of hit songs he wrote, a few successful CDs. He loved playing his own music but he liked writing too and that's what he mainly did lately. He was a definite celebrity in Michigan and Nashville just like Anoop was still a hit in his home town. They were also well known in other places like Atlanta and other bigger cities in the south, as well as the Midwest. People recognized him on the streets, not all the time, but a lot, especially if he was Anoop. He still liked signing autographs. He still liked posing for pictures. But he also like that he could go to LA and roam the streets and be practically anonymous until a photog caught up with him. But after a few minutes even they would get bored. Matt's pic wasn't going to get them the big bucks. He liked that. It had never been about the fame. He wanted to put his music out there, to help people feel the things they needed to feel and he knew that his songs did that every day.

Anoop had more commercial success and he was the face of his label, as well as the CEO. Anoop had been working hard to bring Nashville a reputation as more than a country music town and he also built up the Raleigh area as another southern music mecca. Matt admired his vision, had always been envious of his drive. It took a lot of long hours but Anoop worked closely with the artists, the producers, the songwriters, the managers and everyone else to make sure that all the musicians on his label only released the highest quality albums. Anoop had a great reputation and Matt was really proud of him, honored to work with him at the only job they could be happy with.

It took a while but they finally started turning a profit after a couple of years of just living like musicians in a crappy apartment, saving every penny. Now Matt enjoyed the vacations they took to lavish resorts and to Europe and Vegas and everywhere in between. Matt got to buy the cars he liked to buy. Anoop had season tickets to UNC basketball games and they spent a lot of weekends up there. They decided that Nashville was the perfect place for them to be together because they had already cultivated relationships there and it was almost the same distance from Nashville to Chapel Hill or Kalamazoo so they would both know what a pain it was to get home. Matt still didn't think he'd completely stopped missing Kalamazoo but he loved his life in Nashville and he never stayed away from Michigan long.

He didn't know exactly when he started wanting a baby. He and Anoop never really talked about it but he felt like it was sort of understood that this was it for them. Through the years the states became more progressive and gay marriage started to become legal almost everywhere but he never felt strongly about it and Anoop said he didn't think they needed it. Matt agreed that their commitment had been sound long before some old man judge could tell them they were allowed to have a piece of paper so he didn't push it. They had joint bank accounts. They shared the same bed. They celebrated their anniversary every year. Matt was satisfied but one night he looked at Anoop over his glass of wine and said, "What about having a baby?"

It wasn't a fast process. They discussed it on and off for over a year before they even decided to move forward and take the next step. They had to decide if they wanted to do a surrogacy or if they wanted to adopt. Matt didn't care but Anoop confessed that he had always felt secretly guilty about being the only child and not having any biological children. After going back and forth Matt suggested that they get certified so they could become foster/adoptive parents but they could still look into having a baby of their own. At least they could make sure they were qualified to be parents in the meanwhile. He meant that as a joke but Anoop only nodded seriously. Matt had his doubts too.

They passed all the state requirements and a social worker invited them for a meeting at the state adoption agency. Matt remember walking in with Anoop and the first person he saw was a little boy, sitting on the floor in a waiting room, clutching a dirty teddy bear, his hair matted to his head, looking so little and sad and alone.

The social worker explained the adoption process to them again and told them it would probably be a few months before they could find an infant. Anoop took notes and asked a lot of questions. Matt couldn't get that little boy out of his mind.

They headed out about an hour later and Matt stopped when he saw that they little boy was still there, still sitting in the waiting room alone but now he didn't have his stuffed animal. Matt let go of Anoop's hand and walked over to the little boy slowly. He was sitting in a chair and his feet were high off the ground.

"Hi," Matt said, loudly. "How are you? Who are you with?"

He looked up when some woman popped her head up from behind the front desk that wasn't too far away. She said she was just doing some intake on Bailey but she was watching him. Matt stared when she returned to her work, unconcerned. Then he turned back to Bailey.

"Hi Bailey," Matt said, softly now. "What are you doing here all alone?"

Anoop cleared his throat from behind him. When he turned around Anoop looked at the door pointedly. Matt knew what he was thinking. This was none of their business. Bailey was someone else's responsibility. They had to go home and decide where they were getting their baby from.

But Matt couldn't leave.

"You know what I learned today?" Matt said, crouching in front of the chair so he could look Bailey in the eyes. Bailey had dark brown eyes and light brown skin that was almost the same color of his hair. Matt thought he was probably mixed. His nose had crust under it. His lips were chapped and his knees were ashy.

"I learned a song," Matt said. "Wanna hear it?" He didn't wait for an answer, he just started singing anyway. It was a kid's song about bee and the joke was that you made a buzzing sound at the end of the chorus and poked the kid in the side or where ever the "bee" ran into them. Matt sang the song to Bailey and buzzed him, gently, but Bailey didn't move. He sang the second versed and buzzed Bailey again, in the arm. Bailey stared at him, face blank, but his eyes were still sad. Matt got to the end of the song and leaned forward to say "Bzzzzzzzzzz" right in Bailey's ear.

Bailey hunched his shoulders like there was actually a bee there. Then he looked at Matt and gave him a shy smile.

"Did you make a new friend, Bailey?" the woman said, finally coming out from behind her desk.

"Is he up for adoption?" Matt asked, quickly.

"Well, no, not yet," the woman said. "He has to go through intake and there's still a lot to work out. He'll probably go to foster care. Hopefully, we can place you soon, honey!" She grinned at Bailey. He wasn't smiling anymore.

Matt looked at Anoop when they got back in the car. "I want him," he told Anoop. "I want Bailey."

The discussions lasted for a week. Anoop said they agreed to adopt a _baby_ and they still weren't sure if they were going to go with surrogacy or not. There were special challenges with adopting an older kid. He didn't know if he was ready for that. They didn't even know where Bailey was or if he was going to be available or anything about him. Anoop said it was just like Matt to get so attached to the very first thing. They had to keep their options open. If they were going to do this they had to take their time, do it right, make the right decision.

But Matt wouldn't let it go.

It took them a month before they were able to find Bailey again. By that time he'd been in and out of emergency foster care placements and was just about to transferred somewhere else. They learned that his mother was a schizophrenic who had been frequently on and off her medications so sometimes Bailey's life was stable and sometimes he was living on the streets. That all ended when his mother killed herself just before another psychiatric placement.

They filed the papers and two days later they were able to be Bailey's new emergency foster home. Matt remembered walking up to Bailey in yet another waiting room. He still looked sad but when he noticed Matt he looked up and gave Matt a smile.

"You remember me," Matt said. "Bzzzzzz!" He lifted Bailey into his arms. "You're my little bee."

After that there was no turning back. The adoption was finalized quickly and now, three months later, Matt felt like it had happened a million years ago, like it had happened only yesterday. The best part was when Anoop turned to him in bed after their first night with Bailey and said, "We made the right choice."

Matt knew it was fate. It was all for Bailey. He was going to make sure that he did everything right.

They brought Bailey to the Kids' Corner for a special program where the aquarium staff brought out different sea creatures for the kids to touch. Matt put him down and pointed at the other three and four year olds gathering around.

"Go on, Bailey," he said. "It's okay. Be gentle!"

Matt sat beside Anoop on the chairs were the parents were watching from not-too-far away. A young perky blonde held out a starfish for all the kids to touch. They squealed and laughed and asked her dozens of silly questions all at once but the girl took her time to answer all of them. Bailey touched the starfish and turned to them with a wide eyed look on his face. The next animal was a snail that the kids could hold. Matt could tell that Bailey loved it.

"I think he's going to be a veterinarian," Matt said. "Or something like that. He loves animals. Maybe a marine biologist. He's not going to be a singer."

"Oh no," Anoop said. "He's definitely not going to be a singer."

They laughed for a variety of reasons and Matt rested his hand on Anoop's thigh. Bailey kept glancing over his shoulder to make sure they were still there.

"We should go to a lot of zoos," Anoop said. "Maybe that will help. Maybe he'll want to name some animals."

Matt nodded, keeping his eyes on Bailey. He was just like the other kids in every other way. He reached down to touch a baby sting ray and Matt wished he had the camera out.

"This is what I've been thinking," Anoop said, in a low voice. "It's not that Bailey doesn't talk. That's not what bothers me the most. What really bothers me is he doesn't make any sounds at all! He doesn't... moo or bark or anything like that. He doesn't hum. He doesn't grunt or scream or anything."

"That's good, I don't want to hear him scream," Matt said.

"You know what I mean," Anoop said.

"He laughs," Matt said. "You've heard him."

"I still think there's something wrong..." Anoop said. "Physically. Or something wrong that's affecting him physically."

"The doctors said he was fine," Matt said. He thought about the test they did when they put a scope down Bailey's throat to look at his vocal chords. They had to put him under general anesthesia and that made Matt really nervous. When Bailey came through he clutched his throat and he was crying and he didn't eat normally for two days. They didn't find anything wrong. Matt wasn't going to put him through that again.

"Doctors don't know more than us, Matt," Anoop said. "Not about our kid."

Matt swallowed, suddenly feeling guilty. "This morning," he said. "I was playing with Bailey. We were sort of role playing and I was the daddies and he was the baby. I said that the baby didn't talk and I asked him why the baby didn't talk. I asked him if it was because the baby couldn't talk. Bailey nodded." Anoop looked at him in surprise. Matt shrugged and continued quickly, "Now I don't know how much Bailey understands. I know he understands a lot. I don't know if he's physically unable to talk but...you're right. Something's wrong. I know he wants to talk to us."

Anoop nodded solemnly. They both didn't say anything until Bailey came running over with his hands freshly washed and damp. He was wearing a shark hat made out of cardboard.

"Look at you!" Matt said. "You've got a shark on your head. You're scary. Don't eat me, Bailey!"

Bailey grinned and climbed in his lap. Matt wrapped his arms around him and gave him a big hug.

"Did you have fun?" Anoop asked. "Looked like it, buddy."

Bailey transferred himself to Anoop's lap and looked content when Anoop leaned down to kiss him.

"Excuse me." The blonde who conducted the activity with the kids was standing in front of them. "Are you... Matt Giraud and Anoop Desai?"

"Yeah," Matt said. He held out his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Oh goodness," the blonde said, shaking Matt's hand. "Great to meet y'all. I love your music. Is that y'all's little boy?"

Anoop nodded. "This is Bailey."

"Bailey is such a sweetheart," the blonde said. "Usually I have to tell all the kids to be nice to the animals and touch them softly. Bailey was very nice and he was quiet! I appreciate that too. It can get noisy. I don't mean to bother y'all. I just wanted to say hi and that I'm a big fan."

"Thank you," Anoop said. "Thanks for the program, it was great. Bailey really enjoyed it."

"Anytime," the blonde said. She walked away, already pulling her phone out of her pocket. Matt bet she was updating her status to something like _OMG Just met Matt &amp; Anoop!_

He and Anoop never made any sweeping coming out gesture like the cover of a magazine. They just decided to be quietly together and after a while people seemed to get it. They really didn't get asked about it. Nobody really asked about Bailey either other than the updates and pics that Matt posted on his website. Matt liked that level of privacy. He certainly didn't want Bailey get exposed to a media circus on a daily basis.

"Okay, we'll have to tackle the rest of the aquarium another day," Anoop said. "Let's go get lunch and then we're gonna go to the World of Coca-Cola. It's really fun, Bailey."

"Great idea, Daddy," Matt said, getting up. This time he pushed the stroller and Anoop carried Bailey. They got Bailey a stuffed sting ray in the gift shop and Bailey sat it next to his elephant in the car.

* 

They spent the rest of the day at the Coke museum and a couple other places. They visited Anoop's friend David and by the time they got back to the room Bailey was exhausted. He let Anoop give him a quick bath and then they tucked him in his bed and he was knocked out, clutching his elephant and the sting ray.

"We need to take more pictures," Matt said. He didn't know where his real camera was so he took a pic of Bailey all tuckered out with his phone.

"Yeah, you're right," Anoop said. They put the TV on low and sat on the bed together, against all the pillows on the headboard.

"You know what?" Matt said. "I was thinking... this road trip can be about us, too."

"What do you mean?" Anoop said. He was wearing glasses that he used at night now and Matt found him incredibly sexy in them.

"You know..." Matt said. He kissed him lightly and Anoop raised his eyebrows.

"Did you forget our toddler's in the room?" Anoop said.

"Bailey sleeps through anything," Matt said. He kissed Anoop deeper and Anoop didn't resist. He kept his lips close. "We're gonna go through Vegas, right?"

"Yeah," Anoop said. He pulled away and looked at Bailey, who hadn't moved.

"Well, that's a quick and easy place," Matt said. "I think we should do it actually. We should get married."

Anoop raised his eyebrows even higher this time. "Really?" he said.

"Think about it," Matt said. "It's better for Bailey! Legally. Right? If something happens to us... nobody will ever be able to say that one of us is not... I know we adopted him together but I think it's just an extra layer of security. We have to think about Bailey's future."

"This is about Bailey?" Anoop asked.

"We have to put our kid first," Matt said. "So yeah, maybe we did this backwards but I think it's better if we're married. We can do it in Vegas. Doesn't have to be a big deal. We don't even have to tell anybody. Let's just make it legal so there are no questions later."

"So this is a business transaction," Anoop said.

"I guess so," Matt said. "Bailey business."

Anoop looked away with a funny smile on his face. Then he shook his head. "This is not how I imagined being proposed to."

"I'm not--" Matt said. "Wait, what?"

"What?" Anoop said, looking innocent.

"What?" Matt stared at him.

"What!"

"What? Anoop!" Matt threw his hands in the air and blinked a few times, totally confused. "You said--"

"Forget about it," Anoop said.

"You said you didn't want to!"

"I think you said you didn't want to, Matt," Anoop said, calmly.

"I never said that," Matt said. "You said that. I just agreed with you."

"No, we talked about it once," Anoop said. "You were like, it's no big deal."

"I said that because you said that you didn't want to!" Matt raised his voice and then he remembered Bailey. He moved in a little closer, staring at Anoop intensely. "You wanted to?"

"You wanted to?" Anoop said.

"I don't _know_, Noop. You always said you didn't."

"Well..." Anoop said. "I'm older now... I'm a little different."

"You never said anything..." Matt said. He looked down and played with the rings on his finger, none of them on the right hand.

"Matt..." Anoop said, then he sighed.

Matt shook his head. "You know this is your fault."

"Me!" Anoop pressed his hands to his chest. "You could have brought it up again. You had no problem being like, I want a baby, I want a baby."

"You had no problem saying, you don't need that Corvette, you don't need that Corvette, Matt."

"You DON'T need that Corvette, Matt," Anoop said. Matt gave him a look and then they both laughed. Matt put his arms around him and they kissed intensely for a few minutes until Matt was laying down on the bed and Anoop was on top of him.

"So you want to get married?" Matt whispered. Anoop kissed him some more, pushing his hands under his shirt. Then his hands found their way to Matt's pants and he grinned.

"I say," Anoop said. "The honeymoon starts now."

 

* 

 

Bailey woke up a little grumpy but it didn't matter because Matt was in a supremely good mood. He was a bit sore which meant it had been a good night.

"Bailey-Bee," Matt said, holding Bailey as Anoop made one last sweep of the room to make sure their stuff was packed. "Bailey-Bee the monkey, hanging from my neck." He tried to loosen Bailey's grip on him but Bailey just held his neck tighter. "My shoulder kind of hurts. Why did you bite me there so hard?"

"Shut up," Anoop said. He had a suitcase in his hand and a bag on his shoulder. "I think we're all set."

"Okey-dokey Bailey," Matt said. "We're out of here. Say bye bye to Atlanta!"

Bailey just buried his face in Matt's shoulder. Matt rubbed his back and grinned at Anoop.

"Want me to drive?" Matt asked.

"I think you have your hands full," Anoop said. Matt managed to extract Bailey from his body and strapped him in his car seat.

"I think you'll be okay back here, Bee," Matt said. He kissed Bailey a few times. "Okay?" He kissed him a few more times but Bailey didn't smile. Matt sighed and then he climbed up front with Anoop.

"Remember that time..." Matt said in a low voice. He moved his hand up Anoop's thigh. Anoop pushed his hand away.

"Yes and I wasn't driving with a baby in the car." He backed out of the parking lot with his lips pressed tightly together. Matt sat there, staring at him, until Anoop looked over, reluctantly, at a red light.

"That was pretty fun," Anoop said.

"It was awesome."

Matt put on Megan's CD with the same silly songs that Bailey had liked so much a couple of days ago but today he just sat in his car seat and didn't do any of the silly hand movements even when Matt turned around and showed them again.

"You okay, Bailey?" Matt said.

They passed a bright green pasture, full of cows. Matt tried to out-moo Anoop but even as they got louder and louder Bailey didn't even turn his head. Matt turned around and grabbed Bailey's foot.

"What's wrong, huh?" Matt said. "You don't like cows anymore? Are you into sting rays?"

Bailey opened his mouth. For a moment Matt's heart caught in his throat. He really thought Bailey was going to tell him something.

Then Bailey started to wail.

Anoop actually swerved, his eyes wide. Bailey was screaming, crying, his face screwed up all wet with instant tears, kicking his feet, his little hands in fists. Matt wanted to cover his ears because he was so loud. He looked at Anoop, heart racing.

"What should I do?" Anoop shouted over Bailey.

"Pull over," Matt said.

Matt climbed into the back and patted Bailey's leg but he didn't want to be touched. He kept squirming and kicking and screaming. A part of Matt was relieved that he was making this much noise but it was mostly because he didn't know what it was about and he didn't know how to stop it.

"Does something hurt, Bailey?" Matt asked trying to talk over Bailey's tantrum. "You don't feel good, baby? Bailey-Bee, Bee! Bailey!"

Anoop pulled over and got out of the car. Matt looked up, helplessly, when he opened the sliding side door.

"I don't know!" Matt said.

"Bailey?" Anoop said. He put his hands on Bailey's knees as he was kicking and thrashing around, screaming and crying.

"Shhhhhh, baby." Matt touched Bailey's hand but he jerked away. He only seemed to get louder and louder and more hysterical.

"Bailey!" Anoop said.

"Maybe get him out of the..." Matt said but Anoop was already unbuckling Bailey's car seat.

"It's okay," Anoop said. Matt noticed that his hands were shaking. Matt wanted to put his hands over his ears.

"What's wrong?" he said, looking at Anoop.

Anoop was focused on Bailey, holding down his thighs as he was kicking his legs. "Calm down, Bailey," Anoop said in a calm voice. "It's okay, baby."

Bailey continued to wail louder and louder when suddenly he stopped. Matt took a deep breath, thinking it was over. Then Bailey threw up all over himself, Anoop, and the interior of the van.

"Oh shit," Matt said. To his credit, Anoop barely moved.

"You get yourself all worked up, you get sick," Anoop said. Matt jumped out of the car on the other side and went around to the back to find something to clean up with. Bailey was still crying but now it was a little less. He wasn't screaming, just sniffing and hiccuping and gesturing.

"Use your words, Bailey," Anoop said. Matt didn't know how he could be so calm. He remembered when he had a stomach bug last year and Anoop locked himself in another room and wouldn't even get him any water.

"You're okay.... take a deep breath, Bailey," Anoop said. Matt came back over with a roll of napkins. Anoop wiped the tears off of Bailey's cheek and then the vomit from around his mouth. Bailey was only sniffling now but he looked exhausted. Anoop let him go after another couple of minutes. Then he took off his shirt and dropped it on the ground.

"I don't need it anyway," he said. Matt felt helpless, even as he worked on trying to do something about the carpet and Anoop cleaned Bailey up. Bailey finally let Anoop hold him and they sat up front for a little while.

"We need Lysol," Matt said, trying not to gag. Every time he thought he was done wiping it up he would find more vomit in some small crack or corner of the backseat.

"Where's Bailey's elephant?" Anoop asked, suddenly.

Matt slapped a hand to the side of his head as soon as Anoop said that.

"We left it," he said.

"We left it," Anoop agreed.

They didn't have sex for a while after that.


	4. Chapter 4

After they lost the elephant it seemed that whatever honeymoon period they'd been in was over. Matt never wanted to hear Bailey scream like that again. The very next day he had another meltdown in the hotel lobby when they were getting ready to check out. It seemed like nothing could comfort him. Anoop had made several desperate calls to the hotel where they left his elephant but he didn't have any luck. For the next few days Bailey would just lose it without any warning whatsoever. One moment he'd be standing next to them; the next he was on the floor, kicking, wailing, screaming, crying, often to the point of vomiting. Whenever it happened Matt just wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Not because he was embarrassed-- although they got some really judgmental stares-- but because there was nothing he could do for Bailey. He just didn't know what to do.

"Baby, I'd do anything for you," Matt said desperately during the latest tantrum in their hotel room before bed. "I'll get you anything you want. Help me, Bailey. Help me understand what you want!"

Pleading didn't work. Matt couldn't go to sleep sometimes. He got massive headaches after one of Bailey's episodes. Anoop kept surprisingly calm. He said that Bailey would move past it in a couple of days. They brought napkins, wipes, Lysol and a change of clothes where ever they went.

But it didn't get better. It only got worse.

Suddenly their perfectly toilet trained toddler began having accidents. It happened a few times before Anoop told Matt to go get some Pull-Ups. Matt went to Target and he also bought a beer which he drank slowly in the car, staring straight ahead at nothing.

When Bailey wasn't screaming he was sullen. He didn't want to read his favorite books. He didn't want to play with his toys. Sometimes he even refused to eat, just shaking his head with a scowl on his face. Matt hadn't seen him scowl like that before. Even when Bailey had his crying spells he wasn't scowling. He just looked innocent and sad. But most of the time he smiled. He wanted to be cuddled. Now he would barely let Matt touch him. He didn't want to be carried, he didn't want to be kissed. He fussed all throughout bath-time. There weren't even any hugs before bedtime. Bailey would just curl up in a ball like he wanted to be far far away.

They were way behind schedule. Every day was another struggle to get on the road or get anywhere before Bailey would have another tantrum. Matt tried praying but that didn't even work.

Anoop was on his computer every night and Matt worried. The lights were off. Even Bailey's breathing seemed tense.

"I feel like we don't even know him," Matt whispered into the darkness. "What happened to our baby?"

Anoop didn't say anything.

They finally got the zoo the next day which was something Matt had been looking forward to. He tried to convince himself that it would snap Bailey out of his funk if he saw a real elephant and petted a real cow and saw tons of animals, all things they were going to do at the zoo. Bailey walked beside him with his arms crossed in front of his body. Anoop carried the bag with all their extra supplies and Matt pushed the stroller. He smiled as soon as they walked through the entrance and the sounds of the zoo were all around. It was a perfect sunny day and Matt bet all the animals would be nice and active.

"What direction do you think, Bailey? Should we visit the monkeys first?"

Bailey still had his arms crossed.

"Let's walk to the back," Anoop said. "Then make our way back to the front. We can sort of get a preview and see where we want to spend our time."

Matt nodded because that sounded like a reasonable plan.

Then Bailey was on the ground.

Matt's heart sank. They were barely through the gates and Bailey was done. His screaming was so loud that it seemed like everyone in the whole park was looking over, probably to make sure he wasn't being murdered. Anoop looked down at him calmly. Matt wanted to tear out his own hair.

"Oh dear," said an old lady near them. "Whatever you do, don't give in. Just ignore him, he'll give it up. The last thing you want to do is spoil him."

Matt wanted to punch her in the face.

After a couple of minutes Anoop grabbed Bailey and managed to haul him into his arms despite his thrashing about. Matt watched Anoop carry him towards the exit. Matt grabbed the bag and the stroller and quickly followed.

Anoop carried Bailey to a nearby picnic area and then he put him down in the grass and Bailey continued his tantrum.

"Bailey," Anoop said in his calm voice that never worked. "Please control yourself."

Matt always hated the part where Bailey threw up. It just seemed so painful. He put his face in his hands. When he looked up again his face was wet and he felt like he was losing it too.

Anoop glanced at him quickly then jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "I don't want Bailey to see you upset," Anoop said. "You better get out of here."

Matt walked back to their rental minivan and kicked the door. It wasn't satisfying so he allowed himself to cry for a couple of minutes. It was a long time coming but he didn't want it to last long. He wiped his eyes and took a deep breath and straightened up. It wasn't about him, it was all about Bailey. When he returned Bailey was coming down, laying on his back, breathing rapidly, a complete mess.

"I want to go home," Matt said. "We're not going to make that conference. Screw that, Anoop."

Anoop nodded, solemnly. "We'll talk about it later," he said.

Bailey wouldn't let anyone touch him but he did sit in the stroller when he finally stood up. There was vomit in his hair somehow. They went back to the hotel and got him cleaned up. Bailey usually did go to sleep after his episodes. They let him sleep on the floor, curled up on a couple of pillows.

"I can't take this anymore," Matt said. "It's been over a week."

Anoop shook his head. Matt was glad they could at least hold each other, sitting in the strange hotel room bed. They didn't say anything for a long time.

"He's just so angry," Anoop said. "He's angry and he's frustrated. Imagine how awful this must be for him. I don't even know what he's trying to tell us but... it's obvious... this has been building up for a long time, Matt. He can't get anything out. I can't blame him. It must be awful."

"He's sad, too, Noop," Matt said. "He's very sad. I don't want our baby to be sad. What can we do?" Matt sighed, feeling helpless once again. "I feel like nobody can help us."

"I've been researching," Anoop said. "I think we should stay on the road. There's a very good speech pathologist in Arizona. She's one of the best in country, if not the world. We should take Bailey to see her. I think she can figure out the real reason he's not talking. But the best I could do is an appointment in three weeks. I mean, there's a two year wait but... I pulled some strings. I found a great resort in Arizona we can stay at. We could go home but..." Anoop paused. Matt watched his throat as he swallowed. "I want to finish this. I want to make it to LA. I want to make it to Las Vegas. On our roadtrip. I just feel..." Anoop trailed off and Matt thought he knew what he meant even though he wasn't sure.

"The main problem is Bailey can't communicate with us," Anoop said. "And he wants to. He needs to... desperately. We have to help him to talk." Matt listened, his heart pounding. He just wanted to hug Bailey and have him sit in his lap. He wanted to see Bailey smile again.

"Let's teach him to sign," Anoop said.

"Sign language?" Matt said. "But the doctor said that wouldn't help his speech. That he'd use it as a crutch and then maybe he wouldn't start to talk."

"I don't give a fuck," Anoop said, a-matter-of-factly. "Bailey's not talking and it isn't because he's lazy. Or retarded. Or playing some kind of mind game. He doesn't talk because he _can't_ and there's a reason for that, a reason nobody has found. We're going to find out that reason. But until then Bailey needs to speak with us. He can sign."

"We don't know sign language," Matt said. His heart raced with the idea but he didn't know if he could really work.

"We'll learn," Anoop said. "And we have to learn pretty fucking quickly."

Matt nodded. He just wanted everything to get better and Anoop's idea was as good as any.

It didn't take them long to get to the resort, despite Bailey's continued meltdowns. They had a luxurious suite that was larger than the apartment they used to have together in Nashville. There was a living room, a game room, the master bedroom, a deck out back and a nice kitchen with a chef if you were willing to pay for it. The bathroom had a shower big enough to fit a family of four. There was a baby room for Bailey, complete with a small race car bed. Matt thought it was a nice place for them to hole up for a little while.

Anoop had some special baby sign DVDs overnighted to the resort and for the next couple of days they didn't really do much. They tried to keep Bailey as occupied they could during the day. At night they watched the DVDs and practiced signs with each other. They decided on what they would teach Bailey first. Matt had no idea how quickly Bailey would pick it up but Anoop was confident it wouldn't take long.

They had breakfast in the room one morning and Bailey ate a strawberry which meant it was a good day because he actually ate breakfast.

After breakfast Anoop knelt in front of Bailey's chair and spoke to him seriously.

"Hey buddy," he said. "We know you've been having a really tough time lately. It's hard not to talk to your daddies. We don't want you to feel bad, baby. So we're going to try something different. Did you know you can talk with your hands?" Anoop paused. Matt watched Bailey staring at Anoop. He wondered what Bailey was taking in.

"All words have signs too," Anoop said. "We can use our signs and then we'll know what you're trying to say, Bailey. Okay? This is the sign for hug." Anoop crossed his arms around his body like he was hugging himself. "That means, I want a hug. This is the sign for Daddy." Anoop pressed his right thumb against his forehead and his fingers were open, pointing straight up in the air. "Daddy." He made the sign again and pointed at Matt. "That's Daddy." He pointed at himself still signing. "I'm Daddy. That's how you say Daddy when you want to talk to us. Okay, Bailey?" Bailey didn't do anything. Matt made the sign for "I love you" because that was the most important sign he could think of.

All day they talked to Bailey and they made signs. They tried to play with him. They read books. They took him out to the pool. They signed all the time. Bailey didn't respond to anything but he didn't have a tantrum either. It was the first time in a long time they hadn't had a meltdown so Matt was thankful for small favors.

That night instead of reading a bedtime story they let Bailey watch one of the DVDs. They were actually made for toddlers so they had silly songs to go with learning how to sign. Bailey watched the one about animals and he stared the whole time. When the video was over Bailey started to whine so they started the video up again and he watched it with just as much attention as the first time.

After the second viewing it was really time for bed. Anoop turned the TV off.

"Okay, Bailey," he said. "It's time to go to sleep."

Bailey stood up and then he froze. Matt's breath caught in his throat. He saw another fit happening right in front of him and he clenched his jaw, trying to get mentally prepared.

But Bailey didn't start screaming. He didn't cry.

He crossed his arms over his chest, looking at Anoop. He hugged himself just like Anoop had, just that one time.

He signed.

"Bailey wants a hug?" Anoop said and he went to him quickly, lifting him in a great big hug, rocking him back and forth.

Matt watched in amazement from the bed. He was too shocked to move. He could see Bailey's face from over Anoop's shoulder.

Bailey smiled at him. Then he signed _Daddy_.

That night Matt cried but for an entirely different reason.

* 

After that it was on. They couldn't learn signs fast enough to teach them to Bailey. He absorbed everything like a sponge. He was ready to learn. It was obvious he'd been longing for something like this. In the morning he'd wake up with a big smile on his face and sign _Good morning, Daddy!_

They discovered that Bailey loved to swim. He was fearless in water. He'd jump right in the deep end if they let him. He could doggie paddle like a mad man, splashing his way back and forth, through the shallow end as Matt trailed behind him. It was wonderful when they asked him what he wanted to do and he signed _swim_ over and over again. Matt loved knowing what he wanted to do.

Bailey knew more signs for animals then they did because he would watch the animal video over and over again. He invented his own way to read a book to Matt. He grabbed his favorite animal book and sat in Matt's lap and turned the pages, pointing at each animal and then making the sign for it.

Matt never thought he'd learn so much from his baby.

Bailey invented a game where he would sign _kiss_ and then point to all the places he wanted to be kissed. He'd point to his cheek or his lips or his forehead or his nose, his ear, his chest, his stomach, his leg, his knee, his foot. Bailey would point quickly and then if Matt or Anoop missed kissing him in a spot he would laugh and that meant they lost and had to start over. Matt loved the game because he wanted to kiss Bailey forever and hear him laugh. Sometimes he lost on purpose just so they'd have to play again.

One of the most amazing things came when they decided to drop Bailey off at the kids' camp for the day after about 10 days of being at the resort. They promised Bailey that he would be able to swim and they said the camp had a doggie so Bailey was convinced. They asked him how he felt about camp. He signed _excited_ with a big grin on his face.

When they got to camp the counselor for the three-year-olds knelt in front of Bailey. "Hi!" she said in a chipper voice. "What's your name, little guy?"

Before Anoop could answer like he usually did Bailey made two signs-- the sign for "baby" and the sign for "bee."

"Wait," Matt said. "Bailey, what did you say?"

"What's your name, Bailey?" Anoop asked.

Bailey did it again. He pointed at himself.

Matt couldn't believe it. Bailey made up his own name-sign for himself without any help. Baby Bee.

"Oh my gosh, that is adorable!" the counselor said. She imitated Bailey's signs. He signed back like a proud parent, _good_.

* 

They finally got to take their family trip to the zoo, the one Matt had been dreaming of. Anoop said everything probably worked out for the best because the Phoenix zoo was one of the best zoos for kids. Bailey was excited too. He kept signing _zoo_, _animals_, _excited_, _now_ and _Daddy_ over and over again.

"Tell me all the animals you want to see, Bailey," Matt said, turning around from the front seat. He figured that would take a while as Bailey was signing every animal from A to Z.

"I want to see a dinosaur!" Anoop said, smiled at Bailey in the rearview mirror.

Bailey shook his head and signed _no, no_! He laughed his cute baby laugh with his mouth open. He signed _silly_ and pointed at Anoop.

"Silly Daddy," Matt agreed.

When they got there Matt gathered the bag out of the car. It was much lighter now that they didn't have to prepare for vomit tantrums and Bailey had gone back to big boy underwear. Anoop unfolded the stroller as Bailey signed that he wanted to be picked up by Daddy.

"Okay," Anoop said but when he went to grab Bailey he stepped back and shook his head. He signed _no_ and then he signed _Daddy_ but Matt noticed that he was making the sign near his chest instead of his forehead.

"Daddy?" Anoop asked. Bailey signed the same thing and then pointed at Matt. He made the "Daddy" sign where it was supposed to be, at his forehead, and pointed at Anoop. Then he turned to Matt and asked to be picked up, making the "Daddy" sign at his chest.

"Oh!" Matt said. "I guess we're different daddies. Now we know who you're talking about."

Bailey threw his hands in the air like he was exasperated. Matt looked at Anoop and burst out laughing.

"You, Bailey-Bee," Matt said, sweeping Bailey into his arms. "Are the cutest. And very very spoiled. Just like you should be. If you don't want to walk I'll make sure that your feet never touch the ground." He kissed Bailey's face until he was hysterical with giggles but he was still signing _more, more_.

It was a different zoo, a different time, a different Bailey, but Matt was still nervous when they walked inside. But Bailey was in his arms, twisting side to side so he could look at everything. One of the first animals they saw was a giraffe and Bailey was elated. When they got to the elephants Bailey was absolutely transfixed. He stared through the fence for a long time. Matt hung a little ways beside him, just watching, holding Anoop's hand. He liked that he and Anoop could communicate with smiles instead of confused, desperate looks. He could definitely get used to it.

Finally, Bailey turned around and walked back over to them. He looked between Matt and Anoop, seeming very serious.

"Elephants," Matt said, letting go of Anoop long enough to make the sign.

"What are you thinking, buddy?" Anoop asked.

It was a tricky question, asking Bailey what was thinking. They didn't have the sign language skills to make complex sentences. Sometimes Matt wondered how much Bailey really understood emotions but Bailey always managed to surprise him. Matt couldn't wait for him to speak so they could _really_ know what was going on, so he could ask them all the questions he had inside.

Bailey seemed to consider what Anoop asked. Matt could tell when he was thinking. He'd furrow his brow a little and wrinkle his nose.

Just when Matt was about to suggest ice cream, Bailey looked up at them.

He signed _I love you_. Then he made the sign for both his daddies.


	5. Chapter 5

Matt loved the signing but he never lost sight of the ultimate goal. He really wanted to hear Bailey talk to him. Bailey would still get frustrated with them when he couldn't communicate. He didn't throw tantrums but he would become very grumpy and sullen when he couldn't get his point across. The main problem was that Bailey learned signs much faster than Matt or Anoop did even though they watched the same videos. Matt knew Bailey was in a really bad mood when he wouldn't let anybody touch him. He tried his hardest to keep up but he just couldn't wait to hear Bailey's voice.

It had been about a month since they'd been home. Matt was starting to get a little homesick for their perfect backyard and his car and their own bed. They dropped Bailey off at the kids' camp one morning a couple of days before they were due for their appointment with the speech pathologist. Matt waved at Bailey until he turned around and ran away with the other kids.

"Maybe Bailey will be the next Michael Phelps," Matt said. "Without all the DUI charges and prostitution claims or whatever happened to him after the Olympics."

Anoop cracked a smile, walking beside him on their way back to their room. "Maybe," he said.

"I don't care," Matt said. "As long as he's happy. And he's not a singer."

"We already said no to that," Anoop said. "He'll know that early on."

"But what about a drummer?" Matt said. "I might consider that."

"I still say no," Anoop said. "Drummers are kind of slutty."

"Hey!" Matt said. He stopped and gave Anoop a dirty look. Anoop reached out and stroked Matt's face gently.

"Sometimes I miss when we used to be alone," Anoop said. "When it was just us."

"Really?" Matt said.

"Not a lot," Anoop said. "Not badly. But sometimes I feel like I miss you a little."

Matt nodded. "Yeah. Well it's been especially... obvious how much things have changed on this trip. It's all about Bailey."

"And it always will be all about Bailey. And it should be all about Bailey." Anoop grabbed Matt's wrist. They were on the path just before they got to their room so it was quiet and the thick trees all around them made it sort of private. "I can't even describe how much I love Bailey. More than I even thought possible, Matt. It's all because of you. I don't want a life without Bailey. I was so skeptical at first, Matt. I felt awful about it but I wasn't completely convinced that you can love someone else's child... like that. I always admired people who adopted but I wasn't sure I could do it. But you don't love someone else's child like your own. He is your own. I understand that now and I never would have if you didn't choose Bailey. I don't think I thanked you for Bailey. So thank you, Matt." Anoop stared down at him and Matt just felt warm.

"You don't have to thank me," Matt said.

"Yes, I do," Anoop insisted. "And I have to thank you for stepping up and really being there for Bailey. I just felt so overwhelmed sometimes, especially since Bailey wasn't talking and he'd have his crying spells. I know you kept saying that he would move past it but I never really believed you. I was scared he was... I don't know a better way to say this but, broken. And nothing we could do would fix him. Which was my biggest fear when we decided to adopt him." He looked at Matt and took a deep breath. "And it would just break your heart and I felt a little resentful about that. It's hard to explain but the bottom line is that it was selfish. He scared me. I wanted to keep my distance. You coming back early from LA was the best thing that could have happened because I was really drowning."

Matt cupped Anoop's face in his hands gently. "Everyone has their doubts, Noop. And their fears. But you were never bad with Bailey. You were always great. You handled his tantrums way better than I did. I just wanted to cry with him."

Anoop laughed a little. "Me too," he said.

"I mean, we're a team," Matt said. "We're not going to be perfect with every situation. But as long as we handle it together then we'll get through it. Right? It's only going to get better from here. I can feel it. I know."

"I believe you," Anoop said.

"I don't want a life without Bailey either," Matt said, dropping his hands and then squeezing Anoop's shoulders. "Or you."

"I guess I don't miss when it was the two of us so much as I remember it fondly," Anoop said.

"Maybe we should recreate some of those moments right now?" Matt suggested. "I mean, we are alone for four hours."

Anoop grinned slowly. "We are, aren't we?"

Matt kissed him and then looked around sneakily. When they got back to the room it was just like old times when every way they kissed, everything they touched was brand new. Matt didn't exactly want to go back but he didn't mind relieving old times.

* 

When they picked Bailey up from camp he had a picture of him jumping in the pool from the low diving board.

"Bailey's the only one in his group who would do it," the counselor said. "I was so proud of him."

Bailey wiggled his hands to get their attention and signed for Anoop to pick him up. Anoop crouched down so Bailey could get on his back and then he carried Bailey on his shoulders.

"Oh my, Bee," Matt said. "You sure are tall!"

Bailey beamed down at him and wrapped his hands around Anoop's forehead.

That night the resort was having a Luau party complete with Hawaiian dancers and a pig roasting on a spit. There were tiki torches and everyone got a lei when they entered the party zone, which was the pool area. The pool was open so Bailey had his swim trunks on along with his little Hawaiian shirt that Matt bought him from the gift shop because he just couldn't resist.

"We're going to party!" Matt told Bailey as they walked over to the long picnic tables were everyone was sharing the Hawaiian feast. Bailey skipped between Anoop and Matt, holding both of their hands.

Bailey kept signing _swim_ as Matt lifted him and sat him down on the picnic bench next to Anoop.

"Not yet, buddy," Anoop said. "After dinner."

"Oh, I just love your little boy!" An older lady sitting across from Anoop and Bailey called out. "I see him around all the time. Bailey? Hi Bailey!"

Bailey looked up at his name and then he smiled and waved, leaning into Anoop.

"He's such a cutie," the woman said. "How old is he? He looks like he's around the same age as my grandson!"

"Bailey's three," Matt said. He sat next to the woman and smiled over at Bailey.

"So he's adopted?" the woman said. "I think I read that. I think it's a very noble thing."

"It wasn't noble," Anoop said. "I wouldn't call it that."

"Bailey chose us," Matt said. "He made our family complete."

"That's so precious," the woman said. "My name is Madeline Vogel by the way. I know you two, though. I've been following your careers since American Idol."

"Really?" Matt said. It had been a while since he heard about the show, especially since it went off the air in 2011. People didn't talk about it much anymore and sometimes Matt missed it because it had given him so much. It helped him have a real career, it was where he met Anoop and it also was a key factor in introducing him to the music community in Nashville. He didn't know what he'd no without Idol. It was worth the condescending looks he got sometimes but that hadn't really happened in the past few years.

"Yes, Idol was my guilty pleasure," Madeline said with a chuckle. "I don't care what anyone says. There was a lot of good talent on that show. Like you boys for instance."

"Definitely," Anoop said. "Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Vogel."

"Madeline, please!" she said. "You're making me feel like an old lady."

"Madeline," Anoop said, smiling. Bailey was playing with his little rubber animals on the picnic table. The doggies seemed to be talking to each other.

"I've been meaning to talk to you," Madeline said. "Your record label is something that I treasure. There's a lot of great music there. I was wondering what I might do to become an investor."

Anoop raised his eyebrows, his smile becoming wider. "We're always looking for that," he said.

"Let's discuss it after the party," Madeline said.

"That sounds like a great idea," Anoop said.

Matt nodded but he was glad to let Anoop deal with the business. He just wanted to focus on the creative side and let everything else fall into place.

Bailey moved his doggies through the air, whizzing them all around the space in front of him.

"What are your dogs doing, Bee?" Matt asked.

Bailey put them down long enough to sign _swim_ and then they were swimming in the air again. Matt snickered.

"Bailey's not deaf?" Madeline said, looking at him curiously.

"No, he has a speech problem," Matt explained as diplomatically as he could.

"Well, he seems like a very intelligent little boy," Madeline said. "Look at that." She pointed at the roasted pig as the staff marched slowly around to all the tables in the Luau gear so everyone could have a good look. Hawaiian singers and drummers lead the procession. Bailey looked up when he heard the noise. Then his eyes widened.

_Pig, pig_ he signed urgently, looking at Matt and Anoop like he was very concerned.

"Yes, Bailey, that's a pig," Anoop said. "Very good."

Bailey shook his head. He kept signing "pig" and pointing and he looked worried.

"What's wrong, Bailey-Bee?" Matt asked, frowning at him.

Bailey seemed at a loss for a moment. Then he signed _why_ and he kept pointing at the pig with the same wild expression on his face.__

Matt bit his lip. He really didn't know what Bailey was trying to say and he didn't want to upset him but he just didn't know how to answer his question. He glanced at Anoop who seemed just as confused as he was.

"I don't know..." Anoop said.

The pig was turning slowly over a huge fire pit constructed in the middle of everything. Bailey stood up on the bench to see. The resort staff did a pathetic dance around the pig. Then the chef grabbed a huge knife and sliced right through it.

Bailey screamed.

"It's okay, baby," Anoop said, pulling him down into his lap quickly. "The pig's dead, Bailey. It's not hurt. We're going to eat it."

Bailey shook his head. He kept signing _no eat pig_ over and over again and shaking his head and staring at the pig.

"Looks like you've got a three year old animal activist on your hands," Madeline said.

Bailey refused to have anything to do with the pig on his plate. He only ate some french fries after Matt convinced him that they weren't made from pigs. Matt didn't have the heart to tell him that all meat came from animals. As difficult as he was being Matt was also impressed by how intuitive Bailey was. He shared a secret smile with Anoop. Bailey wasn't scared to eat the ice cream, though.

At least Bailey wasn't too upset to go swimming. Matt let him jump off the low diving board. Anoop stayed on the surface and helped Bailey climb up the small ladder and then he walked to the edge, holding Anoop's hands even though Bailey wanted to do it alone. He jumped off by himself into Matt's waiting arms and then laughed and wanted to do it again. Matt was fairly certain Bailey could do this all night but even wearing a life jacket he was getting tired hanging out in the deep end and Anoop wanted to get ready to talk to Madeline so they decided to call it quits.

"Time to get ready for bed," Matt announced on Bailey's last jump. He pushed Bailey by his butt over to the edge of the pool while Bailey doggie-paddled with his arm floaties on. Anoop lifted Bailey out of the water.

"Do me too, Noop," Matt said, holding up his arms. "I'm tired!"

Bailey thought that was hysterical. Matt finally managed to haul himself out of the pool and they walked back to their room, a dripping wet trio.

Anoop took a shower first so Matt let Bailey dry off while he watched one of his singing videos. Matt thought the songs were very catchy but amateur. He wondered if he could hook the production team up with Megan and up the quality a bit. He made a note of this when Anoop came out of the bathroom, all ready to go.

"Okay, I'll be back later tonight. Bye Bailey." Bailey jumped up and ran over to him. Anoop grabbed him for a big hug and several kisses. "Love you, buddy," he said, putting Bailey down. Matt was feeling lazy from the couch so he just waved.

"Get that paper," Matt said.

"See you soon," Anoop said.

Matt let a second DVD play and then he yawned into his hand even though it was just around 7:30.

"Come on, Bee," Matt said. "Time to take a bath."

Bailey turned around from staring at the TV. He shook his head. He didn't even sign anything. Then he started to cry.

"Bailey?" Matt said, instantly concerned. He hadn't seen Bailey cry like this in a while. He thought they were over that for good. His heart sank.

"Bailey?" he said again. He slipped off the couch and crawled over to Bailey. "Oh Bailey-Bee, what's the matter? Why are you crying?"

Bailey just looked at him with tears running down his face, those silent tears. Matt didn't think he could go back to this, no communicating with his Bailey at all, the crying spellings and the horrible tantrums. He gathered Bailey into his arms and sat on the floor with him, rocking him a little and kissing him.

"I'm right here, Bailey," Matt whispered in his ear. "I'm not going anywhere."

Bailey just continued to cry. Matt kissed the top of his head and sighed. He shouldn't have gotten so used to it. He hated that his heart was breaking for Bailey all over again.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Matt said. "I know you can't help it. I just wish I knew what was wrong. We had a good day. You got to go swimming twice!"

Usually the word "swimming" was enough to elicit a smile but Bailey just kept crying. Matt put on the animal signing video on again with the silly songs and the animals that Bailey loved. Bailey barely looked at it. He carried Bailey over to the bed and sat there with him, holding him tightly and wiping his face with his hand as he cried.

"Can you tell me anything?" Matt said softly after a while. Bailey barely moved. At least he let Matt hold him. Matt sighed silently and wished that Anoop would come back soon.

After about an hour Matt got up, carrying Bailey, and found his favorite book, a story about a elephant family.

"I'm going to read this to you," Matt said. They settled back on the bed and Matt opened the book. He read it once, skipping a couple of sentences to see if Bailey would react like he usually did but Bailey didn't say anything. Matt felt bad about that so he read the book again, all the way through, the right way. All of a sudden Bailey stirred and he pointed at the picture on the page Matt was reading.

"What is it, baby?" Matt asked.

Bailey pointed again and looked at Matt, eyes full of tears.

"The book?" Matt guessed, feeling absolutely useless. He should just know what Bailey was saying. He wished that it wasn't so hard when he loved him so much.

Bailey shook his head. Then he signed but it wasn't one that Matt knew off hand. Matt almost swore out loud but instead he bit the inside of his cheek hard.

"Bee..." Matt said slowly. "Daddy's trying to understand. Can you do it again?"

Bailey didn't move. Matt wanted to hit something. He wished that he wasn't so stupid about this whole thing so he could just know what Bailey was saying. Then Bailey patted Matt's arms with tears still running down his face. He pointed at one of the elephants in the picture. Then he made the same sign again. Suddenly it clicked in Matt's brain.

He'd seen the sign before on the DVDs a bunch of times, they just never used it with each other.

_Mommy_.

"Mommy?" Matt said, numbly.

Bailey signed _where_ which Matt understood immediately.

"Where's your mommy?" Matt said. His stomach churned. He was speechless for several moments and Bailey continued to cry.

"Baby," Matt said, holding Bailey at an arm's length only so he could look at his wet face. "You miss your mommy?"

Bailey nodded, rubbing a fist at his eye.

"Your mommy," Matt repeated. He'd never thought about this. He and Anoop had discussed how they were going to explain the adoption to Bailey occasionally but they never got far because there was always some other immediate crisis to take care of. He wished that Anoop was there now so they could agree on something. But Anoop was gone and Bailey was still crying.

What did the social workers tell Bailey? Did anyone go over this with him? And what did Bailey remember? What did he know? Honestly, Matt didn't think that Bailey even remembered his mother but it was obvious he did. He felt sick that he hadn't thought of this before. Was this why Bailey had been suffering this whole time?

"Your mommy," Matt said again, taking a deep breath. "Your mommy loves you, Bailey. Just like I do and Daddy loves you. We all love you and we want you to be happy." Matt felt shaky but he forced himself to keep talking. The only way to handle this was to tell Bailey the truth. "Your mommy is gone, Bailey. You're not going to see her again. It's really sad. I'm sorry I didn't know you missed your mommy, baby." He held Bailey even tighter and hoped that what he was saying was the right thing to do. He didn't know how to explain death to a crying three year old. It hurt his heart so badly. He was choked up but he didn't want Bailey to know.

"But Daddy and I adopted you," Matt said. "That means we're going to love you forever. We're not going anywhere. We're your family, Bailey. We're going to take care of you. We're going to give you everything that you want and you need. I love you so much, Bailey-Bee. But sometimes you need to cry for your mommy. It's okay. I'm right here. I'm never going to let you go."

When Anoop came back a couple of hours later Bailey was asleep in Matt's arms and Matt was scared to move so he was still sitting against the headboard on the bed. Anoop smiled, coming closer.

"Madeline has a lot of money," Anoop said. "We're going--" he stopped talking once he noticed Bailey. "Oh no," he said.

"He misses his mom, Anoop," Matt said quietly. "He started crying tonight and... then he finally told me... I think he remembers... isn't that awful? What if he saw her kill herself? Nobody ever really told us the exact circumstances. I don't know what's going through Bailey's head but I think that's what makes him so sad. He remembers her and he doesn't know where she is. I tried explaining it to him but I didn't really know what to say. Anoop, I don't know what to do about this."

Anoop just stood there for a few moments, seeming to take it all in. "I'm sure you did the best, Matt," Anoop said. "We'll just have to take this one day at a time. We'll have to take everything one day at a time."

"We'll never be his mommy," Matt said.

"No," Anoop said, crossing his arms for a moment. "But remember, Matt, she wasn't that great."

"Don't say that," Matt said. "Don't ever say that in front of Bailey. Plus, she had a mental disease, Noop. She couldn't help it. Don't judge her, okay? It doesn't get us anywhere."

Anoop nodded after a moment. "You're right," he said. "I guess I'm a little upset too. I'm sorry you guys had a hard night. How about I put Bailey to bed."

Matt let go of Bailey. He didn't wake up as Anoop changed him into pajamas and then tucked him into his bed.

Matt hadn't moved by the time Anoop came back over to him.

"Do I need to undress you too?" Anoop asked.

"Yes," Matt said, smiling for the first time in a long while. Anoop smiled back and crawled on the bed, straddling Matt's legs and then he slowly unzipped his shorts.

"I wanna make you feel better," Anoop murmured, pushing up Matt's shirt and kissing his stomach. Matt smiled, a little wider, and let him.

* 

When Matt woke up the next day it was pouring and Bailey was sluggish through breakfast. Anoop gave him a knowing look from across their makeshift kitchen table.

"I think today is a catch up day," Anoop said. Matt nodded. He knew Anoop had a lot of work to do despite the fact that this was a vacation and Matt was feeling a little restless himself. He couldn't remember the last time he touched a piano and he had so many melodies and ideas running through his head.

"You take the room," Matt said. "So you can make your phone calls. I'll take Bailey."

Anoop smiled gratefully. "Thanks Matt. I'll come find you guys around lunchtime."

"Sounds like a plan," Matt said. "Is that okay with you? Wanna go to work with Daddy, Bailey-Bee?"

Bailey looked at him. He wasn't crying anymore but he wasn't signing much although he did sign _good morning_ so Matt tried not to panic too much.

"We're gonna work hard!" Matt said. "Come here you!" He lifted Bailey up into his arms and blew raspberries into his neck until Bailey giggled. Anoop handed Matt and umbrella and Bailey's bag.

"Can't let Bailey get wet," Anoop said. "Because then he might melt because he's sweet as sugar." He kissed Bailey's cheek. "See you later, Bailey."

Matt hauled Bailey out of the room and he ran through the rain to the main building of the resort where the restaurants were and the mini-golf course and the indoor pool and all the amenities like that. The place was crowded because of the rain. Matt peeked into the indoor pool and it was just packed. He shook his head and kept walking. There were a bunch of people chilling in the lobby playing board games and talking and such. Matt decided they wouldn't mind a little entertainment. He sat down at the piano and settled Bailey in his lap.

"You wanna play with Daddy?" Matt asked. He felt an instant sense of calm when his fingers touched the keys. He just felt it out for a few moments. The piano needed some tuning so he did what he could. Bailey shifted in his lap.

"You wanna get down, Bee?" Matt looked down at the top of Bailey's curly head but he just shook his head.

"Okay," Matt said. "What am I going to play?"

He started playing again and Bailey rested his hands on Matt's forearms as he jerked them around. It seemed to give Matt an extra burst of energy and he ran through the songs that had been on his mind. People glanced over but no one was really paying attention to him. Matt didn't mind. Right now the only audience he needed was Bailey and he seemed to be entranced.

"Remember this, Bailey-Bee?" Matt said. "Remember these notes?" He played a simple scale for Bailey a couple of times. "Now you do it."

Bailey smiled, his first real smile of the day. Then he copied Matt, pushing the key for each note on the scale carefully.

"Yeah, that's it!" Matt said. "This song is about you."

He began playing something jaunty and up-tempo, ad-libbing the lyrics. "Bailey loves animals! He's the cutest little boy in the world! All I wanna do is kiss and hug him, kiss and hug him. He's my baby baby Bailey! He's my Baby Bee!"

Bailey was grinning. He clapped his hands together. Matt played a complicated piano interlude that would have been a little more intricate if Bailey wasn't sitting on his lap but he did the very best he could. More people were paying attention now.

"Take it away, Bailey!" Matt said. "Bailey solo!"

Bailey wrinkled his nose in concentration and then played the scale that Matt show him carefully. Matt played with him, making everything more intricate and Bailey grinned some more.

"We're playing together!" Matt said. Bailey used both his hands, playing random notes but Matt thought it sounded good. Matt played around him, over him, in between his little hands. He finally brought the song to a conclusion by telling Bailey to press both his hands against the keys so the piano made a great big noise.

Bailey clapped leaning back to look at Matt.

"You're a musical genius, baby!" Matt said. He kissed Bailey's nose and other people clapped too.

_More_, Bailey signed enthusiastically. So Matt put his hands on the keys so they could play again.

* 

By the time they got back to the room it was late afternoon and Bailey was ready for a nap. Matt laid him down on the couch and went to find Anoop in the bedroom. He was sitting at the desk, making notes.

"Good day so far?" Matt asked. Anoop turned around and smiled.

"I managed to get a few things done," Anoop said. "Including setting up another meeting with Madeline tonight. We're talking about setting up an endowment."

"Wow," Matt said. He didn't exactly know what that meant but it sounded major.

"Yeah, I've been thinking about that," Anoop said. "How's Bailey?"

"We had a good day. Played some tunes on the piano, you know how we do. He's a natural."

"It's a good _hobby_," Anoop said, raising his eyebrows.

"Definitely," Matt said, laughing as he sat on the edge of the bed. Anoop came and sat beside him.

"Bailey's appointment is tomorrow," he said. "We should make sure to tell him. We have that book about going to the doctor, right?"

"I'm nervous," Matt said. "I don't want them to do those tests where they put a scope down Bailey's throat and stuff. I really don't want anyone to hurt him."

Anoop patted Matt's knee gently. "Me neither but she might have to repeat them. I don't know. Let's see what she says. But I would waste all this time waiting to get in there if I didn't think she was the best."

"I know, Noop." Matt rested his head on Anoop's shoulder. "I just hate seeing Bailey in pain."

"I know," Anoop said. "Hopefully it'll be painless."

"You really think she can help him?"

Anoop took a deep breath and let it our noisily. "Other than this I'm pretty much out of ideas," he admitted.

Matt nodded and stared down at his feet for a couple of moments.

"We're still doing Vegas, right?" Matt asked. He looked over at Anoop, who nodded.

"I mean, you still want to...?" Anoop said.

"Yeah," Matt said. "Unless you want this to make this into... like, have a real wedding. I--"

"No," Anoop said. "That's not what I want. We're just doing this for us. For our family. I want it to just be us. We can have a reception later. It can be a celebration for us and an adoption party for Bailey. We haven't really done that."

"Yeah," Matt said. "That's a good idea."

"Plus, I don't really want the media getting into it. Not that I'm ashamed or anything, it's just that this is between me and you and our baby."

Matt nodded because he definitely agreed. They kissed slowly for a little while, just enjoying each other. Then Anoop had to get ready for his big business meeting and Matt woke Bailey up so he could have dinner.

* 

Bailey seemed much more hyper after his nap. He wanted to go outside and go swimming but Matt explained patiently that it was raining so they had to stay inside. He watched the signing DVDs with Bailey and they played together on the floor and Matt even let Bailey jump on the bed but nothing seemed to calm him down. Finally after a tickle session when Bailey was flushed and laughing so hard that he was choking Matt announced it was bath time,.

_No_, Bailey signed.

"Yep," Matt said. "Time to get ready for bed."

Anoop called Matt while he was filling up the tub. Matt leaned over the tub, checking the temperature with one hand and holding the phone with the other.

"She'd really like you to play at a benefit she's having in a couple of days," Anoop said.

"I don't know, Noop," Matt said. "I'm really out of practice."

"Come on," Anoop said. "You can play anything with your eyes closed."

"What if we need to do something with Bailey," Matt said. "Take him somewhere. We don't know what that doctor is going to say."

"I told her that and she understands," Anoop said. "Come on. You know you want to. You miss it!"

Matt smiled reluctantly to himself. "Yeah," he said. "I do."

Bailey patted his back. "Hold on, baby," Matt said. "Daddy's on the phone."

"How has Bailey been?" Anoop asked.

"He's a ball of energy," Matt said. "He's wearing me out."

"I'll be home soon."

"Can we have some alcohol?"

"Sure, what do you want me to bring?"

"Just beer is fine--" Matt said.

"Daddy!" a little voice screamed from behind him.

Matt dropped his phone in the tub.

He watched the phone bob for a moment then sink into the water. When he looked at Bailey he was standing there, impatiently.

"Yes, baby?" he said in a shaky voice.

"I don't want to take a bath," Bailey said. He signed "bath" and then shook his head no. A million thoughts ran through Matt's mind so he couldn't focus at all. He'd imagined this moment a million times. Now he was the one that couldn't talk.

"What--" Matt paused and cleared his throat. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to go swimming!" Bailey said, bright smile on his face. Matt just wanted to memorize everything about him in that moment, everything about his voice. He didn't have the baby voice Matt was expecting. It was still high like a little boy but all of his words were pronounced correctly and clearly. Matt thought Bailey's grammar might even be better than his.

"It's nighttime, Bee," Matt said. "It's time for bed."

"We can go swimming in the nighttime," Bailey said, pronouncing "nighttime" so carefully that Matt wanted to laugh.

Matt told himself to breathe. He glanced around the room but there weren't any windows in the bathroom so he couldn't check on the rain or get some fresh air. He felt dizzy so he just stayed on the floor, kneeling there. Bailey was standing right in front of him, talking, like he'd been talking all along. It was completely unexpected and completely overwhelming. Matt's hands were shaking. It took him a couple minutes to coordinate his muscles well enough to turn off the bath water.

"I want to jump in the pool!" Bailey insisted. Matt couldn't believe he knew so many words, that he spoke so well. He just stared at Bailey.

"Daddy?" Bailey said, hands on his hips. "Daddy? Daddy! DADDY?!"

He'd never heard "daddy" sound so glorious. He just wanted to hear Bailey say it from now until eternity. He laughed all of a sudden and swept Bailey into his arms.

"Oh my God!" he said, laughing so he wouldn't cry. "You're talking. Bailey, you're talking!"

Bailey laughed too. Matt tickled his sides and Bailey laughed some more. He put Bailey back down and clapped his hands to his own face. He was just amazed.

"I can't believe it," Matt whispered to himself.

"Swimming, Daddy," Bailey said, never losing sight of his request. "Let's go swimming."

"Oh my God," Matt murmured. He glanced in the clear bathwater where his phone lay on the bottom of the tub, almost certainly dead. He needed to use the hotel room phone to call Anoop. But he couldn't move.

"No bath!" Bailey insisted.

"Bailey!" Matt said. "What... happened? You're talking to me. I'm so happy. I'm so so happy!" He had no idea how to pose all his questions, if he should even try to ask. He knew he should just enjoy this moment but he didn't even know how. Bailey came over to him and wrapped his arms around Matt's neck.

"Mommy said," Bailey said, looking into his eyes.

Matt wrapped his arms around Bailey and sat back on his butt. "Mommy?" he said. Bailey nodded.

"When did you talk to Mommy?" Matt asked carefully.

"Today!" Bailey said, like that was obvious.

"Today?" Matt could hardly breathe. "That's when you talked to Mommy? Where?"

Bailey pointed to himself. Matt had no idea what that meant.

"Mommy's gone," Bailey said and Matt could hear the sadness in his voice. He held Bailey tighter.

"Yes," he said softly. "How did you talk to Mommy, Bee?"

Bailey stared back he didn't answer. Matt sighed a little and just hugged him.

"Don't be scared, Bailey," Bailey said. Matt felt another jolt of excitement hit him straight in the chest, hearing Bailey say his own name. He said it in more like "Bay-wee." It seemed to be the only word he pronounced a little baby-ish so far. "Don't be sad."

"Is that what Mommy said?" Matt asked. Bailey nodded.

"Is that why my Baby Bee didn't talk? Because he was scared and sad?"

Bailey nodded again, looking at Matt with his innocent brown eyes. There was still so much Matt didn't know about him. But the sound of his voice wasn't one of them anymore.

"My poor Bailey," Matt said. He kissed Bailey's cheek.

"Don't talk. Don't make a sound," Bailey said. He sounded like he was repeating someone else. "Or the bad people will hurt you."

Matt sat quietly with that for a few moments. "Is that what your mommy used to tell you?" he asked. Bailey nodded again. Matt closed his eyes for a moment and gathered his strength.

"Did bad people hurt you, Bee?" Matt asked. Bailey buried his face in his chest. Matt knew he could burn the world down, looking for these people. He didn't care what it took. But for now he rubbed Bailey's back.

"It's okay," Matt said. "No bad people here. No bad people are going to hurt you ever again. You can talk and make as much noise as you want. No bad people."

Bailey pulled away and smiled at him. Matt wondered how kids could do that, keep smiling even though bad things had happened to them.

"I talked with my hands!" Bailey said cheerfully, holding up his hands. Matt remembered when Anoop was explaining the signing to him. He said it was like talking with your hands. Bailey understood, he remembered. He seemed to remember so much.

"No bad people," Bailey said, a matter-of-factly.

"No bad people," Matt repeated, wondering how they could even have this conversation. But they were and Bailey was right there, listening to him, responding to him, answering his questions with more sophistication than he thought a three year old could possibly have.

"Daddy!" Bailey said, happily. "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! Where's Daddy?"

"He's coming back soon, Bee," Matt said. He knew he couldn't call Anoop because his mind was too blown to remember his number. He was just going to have to find them. Matt carried Bailey out of the bathroom and it had stopped raining. Bailey looked at him expectantly.

"Okay," Matt said, resting his nose against Bailey's little face. "We can go swimming."

"Thank you, Daddy!" Bailey said and Matt wondered who taught him to be so polite.

It was dark but the outdoor lights were on. Despite the rain it was still balmy and warm outside. There was a lifeguard on duty and a group of older adults in the hot tub. Other than that, the place was deserted. Bailey was ready with his floaties and Matt told him to be careful as he climbed up on the low diving board by himself.

"I am careful!" Bailey shouted back. Matt kept laughing. He felt like he was going crazy, but in the very best way. Bailey walked slowly on the diving board, just like Matt told him. Then he jumped into the pool.

"Good job!" Matt said, holding him in the water.

"Again, again!" Bailey said. He began his determined doggie paddle to the side and Matt helped him along.

"Hey!" Anoop said, standing at the edge of the pool all of a sudden. "What are you doing? I searched the whole place for you guys. I was about the call the hospitals. Why didn't you answer your phone, Matt? It's dark! Why are you swimming with Bailey in the dark? What are you thinking? It's almost ten o'clock at night! He should be in bed! You can hardly see anything out here. I mean, it was just raining! Do you want him to catch a cold?"

"Daddy!" Bailey interrupted. He grinned at Anoop. "I jumped in the water!"

Anoop froze. Matt lunged forward, grabbed Anoop's arm and pulled him straight into the pool.


	6. Chapter 6

They didn't get Bailey into bed until 11:30 and then they stayed up past two talking and theorizing and generally being all over each other. Matt was giddy with delight, especially now that he had someone to share this with. They recounted Bailey's every word and how he sounded and how he looked. Anoop wanted to hear the story about Matt's conversation with Bailey beside the bathtub over and over again.

"Do you think he had a dream or something?" Anoop asked. They were laying on their sides, facing each other, almost too close.

"I don't know," Matt said.

"I guess it doesn't matter," Anoop said. "I don't care how it happened. I just care that it happened. After all this time waiting. Bailey's talking to us..." They had the lights off but Matt didn't need to see him to know that he was becoming emotional. That made Matt get all teary to. He didn't think anyone could set him off like Bailey could. They didn't say anything for a few moments and then Anoop sniffed loudly and they both laughed.

"You're a sap," Matt said.

"It's all your fault," Anoop said. Matt kissed his face gently and tasted the salty tears there.

"I need to go to sleep," Anoop said. Matt kissed him on the lips.

"Goodnight, Noop," he said. "I love you."

"Don't mention this in the morning," Anoop said. He wrapped his arms around Matt. "Love you, too."

For once the resort bed almost felt like home.

Matt opened his eye when he heard their door open. Then Bailey was climbing on the bed and Matt was glad that he put on pajama pants sometime last night after he and Anoop decided to take a break from messing around. Bailey fell on top of him and gave him a big hug.

"Morning, Daddy," Bailey said, voice muffled by the covers on top of Matt's chest. Anoop was still snuggled close to him, completely out. Bailey reached over to pet Anoop's hair.

"Hi, Bailey-Bee," Matt said. "How did you get in here?"

"I opened the door," Bailey said. Matt closed his eyes for a moment and thanked God it wasn't all a dream.

"You should always knock, Bee," Matt said.

"Want me to knock?" Bailey repeated, carefully. He scooted down, preparing to slide off the bed.

"You don't have to knock now," Matt said. "Next time."

"I have to go potty," Bailey reported. Matt watched him get back on the floor. He looked up at Matt with big eyes.

"You can go, Bee," Matt said. "Leave the door open, I can see you from here."

He'd always been nervous to let Bailey go to the bathroom when he didn't talk because he wouldn't know if Bailey needed any help. But Bailey was old enough to do it so Matt stayed in bed. He didn't have the heart to wake Anoop up so he tried not to move. He couldn't see Bailey that well but he could hear. Matt closed his eyes for a few moments and stroked Anoop's hair. Then he opened them and he didn't hear Bailey moving or see anything so he called, "What's going on in there, Bailey?"

"I'm going poop!" Bailey yelled.

"Oh," Matt said and chuckled to himself. It felt like a regular dad life, as much as Matt could imagine anyway. He was thrilled about it.

"Wipe yourself really good, Bailey," Matt instructed. "And leave your pants off, you're getting a bath this morning."

They decided to keep the appointment just to have Bailey evaluated and make sure that everything was indeed okay. Matt didn't know what he would do if this was a temporary thing. He was already too used to it.

Anoop joined them as Matt had Bailey dressed and they were preparing to go to breakfast.

"You missed all the good stuff," Matt said. "Bailey was reciting some Shakespeare."

"Oh yeah?" Anoop raised his eyebrows. "What did he say?"

"Uh," Matt said. "Forescore and seven years ago?"

Anoop laughed and lifted Bailey into his arms when he came running over.

"Hey buddy," Anoop said, giving him a big hug. "Are you having a good morning?"

"Hi, Daddy," Bailey said, laying his head on Anoop's shoulder.

"Hey, Bee," Matt said. "Don't you think you should call your daddies different names so you can tell them apart? What should we do so we know who you're talking about?"

Bailey stared at him and for a moment Matt thought he didn't understand what he was saying. Then Bailey pointed at him. "Daddy," he said. He pointed at Anoop. "Daddy. Daddy!" He shrugged like that was obvious.

"I think that's how you tell, Matt," Anoop said, chuckling.

"Alright," Matt said, smiling. "I like Daddy anyway."

Bailey wiggled out of Anoop's arms and went to the door. "Come on," he said, reaching for the doorknob. "Pancakes!"

"Was Bailey always this demanding?" Anoop said, giving Matt a sideways look. "I think life was simpler when he was silent."

"Don't even joke about that," Matt said. He punched Anoop playfully in the side and Anoop blocked him and they bobbed and weaved with each other until Bailey shouted for them again.

"Pancakes, pancakes," Bailey said. "I want pancakes."

"Okay, Bailey," Matt said. He finally opened the door and let Bailey run ahead. It was a beautiful day. Matt was glad they had some time to just spend time together as a family before they went to the doctor's appointment.

They decided to go to the buffet where there were more varieties of pancakes than anybody could shake a stick at. Matt waved to the front desk girl as they walked through the lobby of the main building in the resort. She called after them, "Wait!"

Matt and Anoop turned around but Bailey kept going. "Bailey," Anoop called. He stopped and looked back at them, impatiently.

"I've got a package for you," the girl said. "Came last night. It's for your little boy, Bailey Giraud."

"Something for Bailey?" Matt said. He went over to the desk and took the package. It was soft and squishy and the return address was in Atlanta.

"Wow," Matt said, showing it to Anoop. "I can't believe it."

Anoop raised his eyebrows. "Where did that come from? How did it get here?"

Matt smiled. "I guess it's another little miracle."

Bailey finally made his way back over, dragging his feet. "No pancakes?" he asked in a small voice, looking up at them.

"Someone left a present for you," Matt said. He handed Bailey the package. It was a squishy bubble wrap envelope and Bailey hugged it to his chest, looking confused.

"You can open it, Bailey," Anoop told him.

"How?" Bailey asked after a few moments. Anoop pulled the tab on the package, opening it up.

"What's inside, Bee?" Matt asked. Bailey reached inside and his eyes lit up instantly.

"My elephant!" he said, dropping the package and hugging the stuffed animal to his chest.

"There it is," Matt said.

"We're sorry we lost it, Bailey," Anoop said. Matt shuddered, thinking about Bailey's horrible tantrum that day. He always thought it was the worst.

"You got your friend back!" Matt said. Bailey grinned, twisting side to side with the toy locked safely in his arms.

"What's his name?" Matt asked. He had wondered for so long. He couldn't believe he was about to get the answer.

"Elephant," Bailey said, still hugging it.

"Your elephant's name is Elephant?" Matt asked. Bailey nodded.

"That makes sense," Anoop said. "Come on Bailey, let's take Elephant and go get those pancakes."

Matt had been wanting to try the sweet potato pancakes but walking into the great hall buffet he didn't have much of an appetite. He sat next to Anoop and watched Bailey make a mess trying to get pancakes and syrup into his mouth while keeping an arm around Elephant.

"What's wrong?" Anoop said, putting his arm around Matt.

"Worried about this doctor," Matt said.

"The tests?" Anoop said in a low voice, looking at him out of the corner of his eye.

"Yeah," Matt said. "I don't know. I just don't want her to push Bailey or make him feel... weird. Like he had a problem. I just... don't want this to go away. Are we putting him at risk?"

Anoop shook his head. "I wouldn't do it if I thought we were putting Bailey at risk," Anoop said. "She can fully evaluate him. We can see where his language skills are really at and see what we have to work on. It's a good thing, Matt. Trust me."

"I can't lose this," Matt said. He gave Anoop a serious look. Anoop just nodded and rested his head on Matt's shoulder.

"Bite, Daddy?" Bailey asked, holding out his fork to Matt. Bailey was eating blueberry pancakes drenched in syrup because they let him add the syrup himself after Anoop cut the pancakes up into pieces. Matt leaned over the table to take the bite from Bailey's fork.

"Yum!" he said. "Thank you, baby."

"Don't be sad," Bailey said.

Matt shared a look with Anoop and then straightened up, pulling away from him. "Never sad with you around, Bee," he said cheerfully.

Bailey seemed to consider that. Then he put down his fork and slid down from his seat, leaving his elephant behind. Matt watched him come around. He climbed into the booth where Matt and Anoop were sitting.

"I'm a bee!" Bailey declared. He crawled over Matt's lap and stood up on his knees between them. "Buzzzzzzz!" he said, doing his best to tickle them both under the ribs. Matt laughed. Anoop pulled Bailey onto his lap.

"Matt, I think you need to sting our little bee back!" he said. Bailey laughed loudly as Anoop held him there and Matt tickled him this time. Matt finally let up so Bailey could breathe. He planted a noisy kiss on Bailey's cheek.

"See, Daddy smile!" Bailey said, still wrapped in Anoop's arms.

"You cheered me up," Matt said. "Thank you, Bailey-Bee." He smiled even harder and he thought that if anyone looked over at them they would probably think that the three of them were a perfect little family and they had been for a long time. Matt was glad that was close to the truth.


	7. Chapter 7

The doctor's office was about a half hour away. They spent the time in the car singing those silly songs that they'd been playing at the beginning of the trip only this time Bailey sang along. Matt thought he had a pretty good voice, the kind that could win baby singing contests in a couple years or be an Internet video sensation. Anoop looked over at him from the driver's seat.

"Don't get any ideas," Anoop said.

"I know, I know," Matt said, holding up his hands. "It's just for fun. Singing is fun."

"Singing is fun!" Bailey repeated from his car seat. Matt turned around and grinned at him.

"Yes it is, baby," he said. "You're a really good singer. How'd you get so good?"

"I listen to you!" Bailey said with a grin.

"Do you?" Matt reached back and tickled Bailey's leg. "I like to listen to you. I'm going to listen to you sing now!"

"Okay," Bailey said. He took a deep breath and then he began singing, "A-B-C-D-E-F-G..." until he completed the whole alphabet and ended with, "Next time won't you sing with me!"

Matt stared at Anoop with his mouth open for a moment. Then he turned back to Bailey. "Wow, Bee, I didn't know you could say the alphabet! You know all those letters?"

"Yep," Bailey said, simply. He sang the song again and Matt didn't know if he actually understood the alphabet or if he just knew the song but he was impressed anyway.

"That's very good, Bailey," Anoop said.

"You're so smart!" Matt said. Bailey grinned and kicked his feet in his seat.

The parking lot was crowded and Matt could tell that this was a very busy place. He unstrapped Bailey from his car seat and helped him down from the van.

"Pick me up," Bailey said as soon as he was on the ground. "Please, Daddy."

Matt meant to stop carrying Bailey so much but then he said please so he hauled Bailey up into his arms and followed Anoop inside.

The doctor's office had a big, colorful waiting room with little chairs and couches for the kids and then standard sized chairs for the adults. Anoop went to check Bailey in and Matt sat down on a couch and settled Bailey on his lap.

"Are you nervous about seeing the doctor, Bee?" Matt asked.

"No," Bailey said. He leaned over and grabbed a picture book that was on a table next to them. "Bears!" he said.

"Yeah, that book is about bears," Matt said, looking at the huge grizzly bear on the front. He found it kind of scary but Bailey didn't seem to mind.

"I'm nervous," Matt mumbled to himself. Anoop came back and sat close to them.

"Read it," Bailey said, opening the book.

"Okay, I'll read it to you, Bailey," Matt said. He reached over to take the book but Bailey pulled it away.

"No, I read it," Bailey said. He opened the book to the first page. "Bears," Bailey said, looking at the title page. He turned the page again and stared at it. "Look at that big bear," he said, carefully. "He is a very big bear."

Matt looked up at Anoop from over Bailey's head. Anoop looked just as amazed as he felt. Matt gestured at Bailey and Anoop shook his head. They both had no idea that Bailey could read.

"Daddy, are you listening!" Bailey piped up, looking between both of them.

"Yes, baby," Matt said.

"You're doing a really good job," Anoop said.

"Okay, listen," Bailey told them. He turned the page and went back to reading. Matt just wanted to know so much like how did Bailey learn how to read and so much more about Bailey, things that nobody would ever be able to answer for him. If only he had been there from the start. But that was one thing he could never change.

"Bailey?" a perky nurse said from a mysterious doorway at the front of the room. "Hi guys, come on back."

Matt lifted Bailey onto the exam table once they were in the exam room. There were letters and numbers on the wallpaper and TV in the corner playing whatever was on Nickelodeon. Bailey shifted on the table paper and didn't seem frightened but Matt was pacing a bit. Anoop sat down on a chair.

"Relax," he said.

"We'll do something special after this, Bailey," Matt said. "What do you want to do?"

"Swimming," Bailey said.

"You don't want to do something else?" Matt asked, bending down to look at Bailey at eye level. "Something we don't get to do everyday? Do you want to go see some animals?"

"Swimming!" Bailey yelled. Matt chuckled and hugged him just as the doctor came in the room.

"I thought I heard a little voice in here," he said.

"Hi Dr. Landers," Anoop said, rising to shake her hand. "Thanks for squeezing us in."

"So, has the crisis been averted?" Dr. Landers said. She turned to Bailey. "Hi, sweetie! What's your name?"

"Bailey-Bee," Bailey said, smiling. Dr. Landers grinned and Matt stifled his laughter.

"Well, then, Bailey-Bee," Dr. Landers said. "Why don't we play some games so we can all see how well you talk?"

"Okay!" Bailey said. "Daddy likes it when I talk."

"Really!" Dr. Landers said. "Why is that?"

"Because it makes them happy!" Bailey explained. "I have two daddies."

"Do you?"

Bailey nodded. "That's my daddies," Bailey said, pointing at Matt and Anoop.

"How do you feel about that, Bailey?" Dr. Landers asked, seriously.

"Happy!" Bailey with a big grin on his face. "I love Daddy and Daddy."

Matt held his breath as Dr. Landers turned to him. "You guys must be really proud," she said. "I don't think there are any problems here but don't worry, I'll find out for sure in a little bit."

Dr. Landers did all sorts of tests and none of them seemed painful. After a little bit Matt relaxed long enough to sit so he invited himself to sit in Anoop's lap. Anoop looked up at him.

"You're not three," he said.

"Why does Bailey get all the fun?" Matt said. He kissed Anoop's hair and took a deep breath, smelling Anoop's shampoo and his scent, something that always made Matt feel safe.

"We're in the doctor's office," Anoop said. "This is inappropriate."

"Nobody cares, Noop," Matt said. Dr. Landers and a nurse were doing something with flashcards. Matt kept a close eye but Bailey seemed to be enjoying himself. After a moment, Anoop put his arms around Matt.

"Do you think we're doing all the right things?" Matt asked.

Anoop didn't answer for a few moments. Matt watched Bailey name shapes. Why hadn't he ever thought to ask if Bailey knew what a triangle was? Sometimes he felt like there was so much he was missing.

"I think so," Anoop said. "I'm working very hard to do everything right, every day. That's all I think about."

"Me too," Matt said. "Maybe we shouldn't go to Vegas. Maybe we should go home."

Anoop rubbed Matt's side softly. "I think about that," Anoop said. "It's been a long time. When we go home it's going to be different. We're a different family now, we're really getting to know our kid. But I think we should go to Vegas. Doing that benefit will be good for you and... I still want to get married."

"Yeah," Matt said, nodding.

"Bailey's doing really well being out on the road with us," Anoop said. "Despite everything. I think when we get home we should start putting together that tour for you this summer."

"Really?" Matt looked down at him, excited for a moment and then concerned. "I mean, you know I want to perform but... I don't want to be away from you and Bailey."

"Of course we'll come with you," Anoop said. "I can run the label from the road. I mean, I'll be back and forth a lot but I'll make sure we're together as much as possible."

"What about you touring too?" Matt insisted. "You've pushed back you album like three times! You've gotta get back out there, Noop. I know you miss it. And your album is so good. You really have to release it."

Anoop looked at him and Matt tried to read him but even after nearly 8 years of knowing each other he still couldn't tell what Anoop was thinking sometimes. "I have different priorities now," Anoop said. "Running the label is a lot of work but it's something I really believe in and it'll provide a lot of stability for Bailey. That's my priority right now. But I want your CD to stay on schedule and you need to promote it with a tour this summer. I want to focus on Bailey. I don't want his care going to strangers. If we're both doing shows we can't do that."

"I want to focus on Bailey, too," Matt said. "I don't have to tour. It can wait."

"Come on," Anoop said. "You know you need to do this. In order to provide the best for Bailey we need to be the best. You're best when you're doing what you love to do, Matt. So we're going to go on tour."

Matt turned to Anoop and tried to glare but he just ended up smiling. Anoop smiled back.

"Thank you," Matt said. He rested his forehead against Anoop's and stared into his brown eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Anoop said. "Plus you on tour is making me money. It's just good business."

"Oh your true motives are coming out now," Matt said. Anoop laughed softly.

"It's so nice to see two parents who really love their child and love each other," Dr. Landers said from behind them. Matt jumped off of Anoop's lap, quickly, sort of embarrassed. Dr. Landers chuckled in a kind way.

"Don't let me interrupt you," she said.

"Sorry," Anoop said.

"Well," Dr. Landers said. "I gave Bailey a complete speech diagnostic. He's doing very very well. He is on target for a child his age. He still has a little trouble pronouncing his 'L's but that should improve with time. He's very conversational and bright. We did a mini-IQ test with him and you'll probably want to get a real one done before kindergarten because our preliminary findings are very impressive. Maybe you'll want to take Bailey to a child psychologist for a session or two. I'm very certain that he wasn't speaking for psychological reasons. Physically he is doing very well. I'm happy I got to spend some time with him. He's just full of joy. Thank you for bringing him in. I'm always pleased to deal with a case that has a happy ending. Having a child that will never speak normally is a devastating diagnosis for a family. Enjoy Bailey, he's a treasure."

Anoop stood up and shook Dr. Landers' hand, firmly. "Thank you so much," he said. "Thank you for taking this seriously and giving Bailey the best care. I really do appreciate it."

"No problem." Dr. Landers turned to Matt. "I really do love your new CD. I heard a preview on the internet. I'd definitely like to see you on tour. I was eavesdropping a little."

Matt laughed, surprised. "Alright," he said. "Well if you want a show I guess I'd better do the show."

"That's what I like to hear," Dr. Landers said.

"Daddy!" Bailey piped up. "Can I have a sucker?"

"Okay, Bailey," Anoop said. Bailey already had the sucker in his hand and Anoop helped him unwrap the safety pop.

"Let me know when you come to town," Dr. Landers said, as they all made their way to the door, Bailey in Matt's arms as he worked on his sucker. "You know I'm expecting a front row ticket."

"You got it," Matt said. By the time they got back to the car Bailey's sucker was nothing but a stick.

"You know you're supposed to suck a sucker, right, Bailey?" Matt said, as he put him in his car seat. "You're not supposed to chew it!"

"I chewed," Bailey said. "I want more."

"One sucker," Anoop said as he got in the van.

"Just one, Bee," Matt said. He kissed Bailey's forehead and then whispered in his ear, "I'll get you another one later."

"I heard that!" Anoop said.

"What?" Matt said innocently. He pressed a finger to his lips and gave Bailey a secretive look.

"Swimming," Bailey reminded them. When they got back to their room changing into their swim trunks was the first thing they did.

* 

Matt didn't want to admit it but going home was more about him than Bailey. He was just getting tired of being in a strange place. Plus he wanted to show Bailey off to everyone he was close to in Nashville, maybe have his parents come down so they could talk to their grandson for the very first time. But home was where the heart was and his heart was always with Anoop and Bailey so he tried not to dwell on it too much. They were going to Vegas so Matt could perform at Madeline's benefit and they could finally do that quickie wedding they were talking about. Matt watched Anoop help Bailey take off his little backpack so they could get ready for the security check. It had been a while since Matt was in an airport and the Phoenix one was a lot more crowded than he remembered. They decided to fly to Vegas and then fly home because they were both sick of driving but Matt was nervous because Bailey had never been on a plane before and he still didn't like flying. Bailey clutched his elephant as the line crept forward.

"We're going to take off our shoes," Anoop said to Bailey. "And we're going to walk through that thing. See where everyone else is walking? You're going to do that too."

"Why" Bailey said. He held Anoop's hand and looked worried. Matt had the carry-on luggage, two rolling bags, one full of stuff just for Bailey and one with a couple of extra clothes for him and Anoop just in case something happened to their luggage. That had happened to Matt too many time. He never flew without a good carry-on bag now.

"Because it's what you do when you go to the airport," Anoop said.

It was a struggle getting all of their stuff on the conveyor belt for the x-ray machine while keeping an eye on Bailey. For some reason Bailey refused to go through the metal detector so now they were holding up the whole line.

"Can I just walk through with him?" Anoop asked but the TSA agent wouldn't budge.

"It's okay, Bee," Matt said. "It's not bad. It doesn't hurt."

They had to take Bailey's elephant so they could put it through the x-ray machine so Bailey just crossed his arms and he didn't say anything and he didn't move.

Anoop went through the detector first. "See, Bailey," he said. "It's just like walking through a door, buddy. Come on."

"We could just manually search him," the TSA agent said.

"No," Matt said, sharply.

Anoop knelt down on the other side and opened his arms. "Come here, baby," he said. "You can run!"

Bailey stared at Anoop for a moment. Then he ran over and launched himself into Anoop's arms, giggling.

"That wasn't so bad," Anoop said, kissing Bailey's cheek. "Right, baby?"

He stood up, keeping Bailey locked tightly in his arms, so Matt had to pull all their luggage off by himself.

"Thanks for the help, Noop," he said. Now he had two bags, Bailey's backpack, Anoop's laptop bag and Bailey's elephant. He handed off the elephant and gave Anoop a look.

"I'm holding 25 pounds of Bailey," Anoop said. Bailey had his arms around Anoop and looked so calm that Matt couldn't really argue with that. He followed them to the gate, feeling like a pack mule.

"We have ice cream, Daddy?" Bailey asked, pointing at an ice cream stand.

"Not right now, Bailey," Anoop said.

It was a long walk to their gate. Matt made them stop a couple of times so he could adjust the bags. Anoop tried putting Bailey down but Bailey just held up his arms again.

"Hold me, Daddy," Bailey said. "It's too loud."

Matt knew Anoop couldn't resist that so he had to deal with the bags himself. Bailey rested his head on Anoop's shoulder and was quiet until they got to their gate.

They had business class seating and a small child so they got to be the first ones seated on the plane. Matt was glad to get rid of the luggage in overheard bins as Anoop prepared the special child harness they were going to use in order to strap Bailey into his seat. They decided to Bailey's elephant away too, just for the take-off.

"Why don't you sit near the window," Anoop said. "Then you can see."

"The plane goes up," Bailey said, sitting where Anoop told him.

"Yes, we're going to go up into the air," Anoop said. Bailey sat there patiently while Anoop made loops and fastened buckles. They had watched the instructional video a couple of times the night before but Matt was glad Anoop volunteered to do it because that harness was way too complicated.

"You comfortable, buddy?" he said. Bailey nodded but Matt thought he looked a little uncomfortable.

"Okay," Anoop said, looking at Matt. "You sit next to Bailey and I'll sit across the hall."

They were trading spots when Bailey called, "No! Daddy." He pointed at Anoop. "Daddy, sit here, Daddy!"

"I think he wants you," Matt said with a smile. Matt sat in the aisle seat across from them and had to get up when an attractive young woman squeezed into the seat next to him. The plane was full to capacity so it took a while before anything got start. Matt watched Anoop read a book with Bailey and smiled even though he felt a little left out. It was a short flight. He told himself to stop being ridiculous. But he hadn't hugged Bailey in like two hours and on this trip that was a long time.

Soon the overhead lights flickered and then the personal TVs dropped down so everyone could watch the safety video. After that the plane started taxing away from the terminal. Bailey sat up straighter and looked around.

"Are we flying?" Bailey asked.

"Nope, not yet," Anoop said. Matt hated take-offs. He felt himself getting tense but he didn't want to show it because Bailey was already looking nervous enough.

"The plane is flying?" Bailey said, as they picked up speed for the take-off.

"Soon," Anoop said.

"I don't want to," Bailey said and he burst into tears all of a sudden.

"Oh no," Anoop said. "Don't be scared, Bailey. It's okay."

"Daddy," Bailey said, tearfully, struggling against his harness. "Hold me, Daddy. I don't want to fly!"

"Bailey, you have to sit right there," Anoop said. "Here, hold my hand. I've got you, Bailey." Matt smiled with Anoop took Bailey's hands and held them in between both of his. He kissed Bailey's curly hair. "You're okay."

"Okay, Daddy," Bailey said, loudly. "Don't let me go!"

"I won't, Bailey," Anoop said. He kept his face close to Bailey's and Bailey seemed a little more calm.

"Awwwww," the young woman next to Matt said, looking at Anoop with a big smile on her face. "Isn't he adorable with his little boy? I love dads like that."

"Yeah," Matt said. "He is."

Anoop was huddled close to Bailey and now Bailey's tears had dried. They looked more than adorable. Matt wasn't sure he had to word for it but he was glad to let Bailey be just Anoop's for a little while.


	8. Chapter 8

Despite the rocky start Bailey did well on the rest of the flight. Matt smiled when the flight attendant fussed over him and took him upfront to meet the pilot and he got a pair of wings pinned to his shirt. On his way back to his seat Bailey ran up to Matt.

"Look, Daddy!" he said, pointing to his shirt. "I'm a pilot. I make the plane fly!"

"Good for you, baby," Matt said. "I like staying in the air. Keep it going, Bee!"

Bailey grinned and then climbed back into his window seat next to Anoop. The young woman sitting next to Matt looked at him sheepishly.

"I didn't know he was your baby too," she said. "Sorry. He's so adorable. Those dimples in his cheeks. Oh my God." She covered her mouth with her hand for a moment. "You're Matt Giraud. That's Anoop! I thought I recognized you guys from somewhere. Oh my God, I went to Anoop's show last summer in LA! Oh my goodness!"

"Wasn't it great?" Matt said.

"It was AMAZING!" she said. "I had such a great time. His voice is like... perfect. I have all his CDs!"

"Hey Noop," Matt called across the aisle. "I found a fan of yours."

"Oh my God," the girl said, burying her face in her hands. Anoop grinned over at them. Matt made him get up and he leaned over Matt so he could shake her hand. Anoop stood there and chatted for a little while with his hand on the back of Matt's shoulder blades. Matt looked past Anoop at Bailey who was fast asleep all buckled in now. He looked so sweet that Matt just had to smile.

Anoop ruffled Matt's hair briefly before he went back to his seat. Sometimes Matt felt a shiver run down his spine when Anoop touched him. Even now it was still the same.

They landed shortly after that and Bailey was still out so they decided to just let him sleep.

"How about you let me hold Bailey now?" Matt said, carrying all the stuff off the plane while Anoop carried Bailey.

"You're doing a good job," Anoop said with a smile. Matt rolled his eyes.

"Vegas," Matt said as they made their way down to baggage claim. He wasn't a huge fan of the city but he didn't mind it either. There was a lot of good shopping and he'd made some pretty decent winnings on a couple of slot machines. He dropped all the bags on the ground as soon as they made it to baggage claim so they could wait on their other bags. Next time they really would pack light, he'd make sure of it. Anoop smiled at him and shifted Bailey in his arms.

"We've got to break him of this habit," Anoop said. "Bailey needs to walk. He doesn't need to be carried."

"Yeah," Matt said. He stroked Bailey's cheek and Bailey didn't stir. Then he kissed Anoop quickly on the lips.

"We're not going to do it, are we," Anoop said.

"I like carrying Bailey," Matt said.

"I know," Anoop said, reluctantly. "But he's going to be four next fall... we're gonna send him to pre-school... so we have to treat him more like a big boy."

"Yeah," Matt said. "It's because we didn't get to enjoy him when he was a baby. But he's still a baby. He's our baby, Noop."

"Yes he is," Anoop said. "He's kind of a heavy baby but he's definitely ours." Anoop kissed Bailey and they sat next together in the chairs near the baggage claim. Bailey sighed a little but he stayed fast asleep cuddled against Anoop's chest in his lap.

"So when are we gonna have our next baby?" Matt said. He patted Anoop's leg and grinned.

Anoop made a face. "I'm thinking around... never."

"Oh come on, Noop," Matt said. "You want another baby. We could still do the surrogacy. Maybe we'd get a girl. And we could have her from the start. You haven't thought about that?"

"Honestly?" Anoop said. "No. We've only had Bailey for four months and a year ago I really didn't think we were going to have any kids at all. I'm definitely not thinking about another one. Bailey is all I can handle."

"We were talking about this a year ago!" Matt said. "Well thinking about it."

"It still seemed far away," Anoop said. "And then boom, we have Bailey. I love Bailey. I don't want to be without Bailey. But I'm not ready for another kid, Matt. Seriously. I don't even wanna think about it. Bailey still needs a lot of attention and so does the label and so does your singing career."

"And _your_ singing career," Matt said quickly.

"Right," Anoop said, staring down at the top of Bailey's head. "I don't really have the time for that right now."

"Yes you do," Matt said. "Let me help you. I can do more of the business stuff. You just try to do too much stuff by yourself and you never ask for any help."

"It's my business, Matt," Anoop said, giving him a long look. "It's what I want to do."

"Well," Matt said. He placed his hand on Anoop's arm. "Whatever you want, Noop, I'll do it. I want to make you happy too." Anoop smiled at him and Matt rested his forehead against Anoop's. He didn't care. They were in Vegas. There wasn't much that could make people look twice.

"Never thought I'd be getting married a year ago either," Anoop said, softly.

"See what happens when I'm in charge?" Matt said, with a laugh. "Do you want rings?"

"I hadn't thought about it," Anoop said. "If we see something we like."

Matt kissed him a few times and then pulled away when the luggage started clattered onto the belt. He jumped up to go grab their bags. There was a car waiting for them and finally Matt had a little bit of help.

Bailey woke up as Anoop was getting him into the car seat.

"Hello, sleepyhead," Anoop said. He kissed him and got him strapped in. Matt sat on the other side and gave Bailey a kiss too. The car lurched off

"No more plane?" Bailey asked.

"We're here, Bee," Matt said. "We're in Las Vegas!"

"Las Vegas," Bailey said, his nose scrunched up in a cute smile.

"Land of debauchery," Anoop said. Matt smirked at him over Bailey's car seat.

"Hey Bailey-Bee," Matt said. "Did you know that your daddies are getting married?"

"No," Bailey said. "What's married?"

"It means we're going to make a promise to each other to be together," Matt said and he was pretty proud of himself for explaining so well.

"You are together," Bailey said, playing with his shoelaces.

"Yes, but this makes it official," Matt said, raising his eyebrows. "Isn't that exciting, Bailey?"

Bailey shook his head. "No," he said. Matt shared a look with Anoop and laughed.

"Let's go swimming!" Bailey suggested.

"I guess it's been a whole day since you've been in the pool," Anoop said. "He's jonesing for it."

"Our baby has a chlorine addiction," Matt said. "I think he needs help." Anoop chuckled and then Bailey started laughing hard so he and Anoop started cracking up too. When they got the hotel Bailey was happy to run ahead of them and the bellhop took the bags so Matt didn't feel like a pack mule anymore.

They were staying in a penthouse suite at the Bellagio hotel. They were high up but they could see the fancy fountains below from the huge picture window in the living room. Madeline had really hooked them up. Matt smiled at the most beautiful thing in the room besides Bailey-- a black baby grand piano just waiting for him to come and play.

"You have to practice," Anoop said, pointing at the piano. "Have you thought about your set for the show?"

Matt sat down on the bench. It immediately felt good and he knew that this was one of the better pianos that he'd played in his life and at 32 he'd played a lot.

"A couple new songs," Matt said. "From the new album. And then... probably my set from the club shows last winter. Requests. I'll definitely do requests. Do you have a request, Bailey? What should Daddy sing?"

"Swimming!" Bailey said, hugging his elephant. He looked between Matt and Anoop. "Let's go! Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" Bailey turned it into a little song, skipping around the room and singing, "Daddy, let's go swimming!" over and over again and making various variations of the same demand. Anoop had an amused look on his face. Matt added a piano accompaniment, trying to match Bailey's tune. Bailey ended the song on top of the couch singing at the top of his lungs, "Let's! Go! SWIMMMMMMMMMMMMMING!"

Matt ended the music dramatically and then clapped. Anoop joined him, laughing.

"When did we get such a ridiculous kid?" he said.

"He gets it naturally," Matt said. "We're a musical family."

"He's totally going to be a singer, isn't he?" Anoop said.

"I think it's inevitable," Matt said. "Daddy has a record label."

Anoop shook his head, still grinning. He grabbed Bailey off the couch and they went to get his swimming stuff. Matt tinkered around with the piano, tweaking his new stuff. He was a little worried because he hadn't played any of his new tracks live yet but there was a first time for everything.

Bailey came out in his swim trunks, wearing a pair of Matt's 800 dollar shades that he had to hold in place.

"You are so cool, Bee," Matt said. "Where did you get those?"

"I found them," Bailey said. He had to tilt his head back so he could keep the shades on without touching them. "Bye Daddy! It's pool time."

"Pool time?" Matt said. "What about me? I'm not invited!"

Anoop had a bag on his shoulder when he joined them in the living room and kissed Matt's forehead. "You've got to get that show together," Anoop said. "We'll be back in a couple of hours."

"Why is Bailey wearing my sunglasses?"

"You're the one that left them in his bag," Anoop said. "Keep up with your stuff. It's Bailey's now, I guess."

"Anoop," Matt whined. He rolled his eyes. "Bee... don't lose those glasses, okay? Because they make you look so super cool. And that's some expensive glasses, Bailey. You keep up with those."

Bailey dropped the glasses on the carpet. "Ooops," he said. Matt cringed.

"Okay, give Daddy the glasses, buddy," Anoop said. "He learned his lesson."

Matt smiled while inside he sighed in relief when Bailey handed the sunglasses over.

"Give me a hug," Matt said. He pulled Bailey into his lap and hugged him tightly. "Swim lots of laps for me. Be careful, baby. I love you."

"Bye Daddy!" Bailey said, wiggling out of his grasp. He leaped nimbly to the floor and then ran for the door, calling for Anoop.

Anoop kissed Matt again, on the lips. "I'll call you in a couple of hours, we can go get something to eat. Sound good?"

Matt nodded. "Love you, Noop." He waved and watched them go out the door.

Then it was just Matt and the piano and silence. He expected to feel lonely but then he skimmed his fingers lightly over the piano keys and he remembered once again how a simple piano like that could make him feel at home. It had been a while.


	9. Chapter 9

It didn't take Matt long to run through the songs he wanted to perform at his benefit. They were all burned into his fingertips and he could play most of them without singing them at all. If he wanted a challenge he would change up all the embellishments, the runs that he made on the piano, but he usually did them spontaneously. It wasn't something he could practice. It was more like something that would build and build over time. Sometimes even he was amazed by what he could do.

He worked on a couple of songs using his Mac to record the melodies so he wouldn't forget. Mostly he was just messing around. Nothing seemed to be sticking yet. He kept getting distracted thinking about Bailey and Anoop playing without him in the pool. He was just about to call Anoop's cell when the hotel room phone rang. Matt jumped off the piano bench and grabbed it on the second ring.

"Yo," he said.

"We're at the buffet," Anoop said. "I think it's called... I don't know, it's on the 8th floor. I think this whole floor is a buffet. It's huge."

"It's Vegas," Matt said. "Be right there."

The elevators let him off on the 8th floor which immediately lead to the restaurant. There were booths everywhere and the actual buffet stretched further than he could see, around a corner. Matt blinked, impressed by the sheer quantity of food even thought he was standing a little ways away from it all. He was about to start searching when he felt someone hug his legs.

"Daddy," Bailey said, looking up at him. He was wearing a pair of sunglasses that actually fit him.

"Who's this little man?" He picked Bailey up and tickled his stomach. Bailey grinned. "He's looking so cool."

"We shopped," Bailey reported. Anoop joined them, carrying a Nike bag.

"You went shopping without me?" Matt frowned at Anoop, actually feeling a little hurt.

"It was a spontaneous thing," Anoop said.

"Daddy got shoes," Bailey said. "I have sunglasses!"

"I wanted to get Bailey some goggles," Anoop said. "Don't look like that, we'll do more shopping later."

"I can't believe you guys went shopping without me," Matt said as they walked to the buffet. Matt got Bailey's plate together first before he went back and wandered, sampling as much as he could before his plate was absolutely too full.

"How's the sushi?" Matt asked, looking down at Anoop's plate.

"It's surprisingly good," he said. "They made it fresh. You see the chef over there."

"My food is good!" Bailey declared, dropping his fork. Matt gave him a new one.

"Sorry, baby, I should have asked you first," Matt said. "It does look good. You have fried mac-n-cheese, that's fun."

Bailey beamed and chewed with his mouth open.

"So what do you want to do tomorrow?" Anoop asked. He offered Matt some sushi but he just shook his head. Matt had learned to tolerate all of Anoop's fancy foods but that didn't mean he had to _like_ them all the time.

"Tomorrow?" Matt said. "Isn't that when I'm playing that stupid show for the rich old lady."

"Matt," Anoop said, giving him a look. "No. That's the day after tomorrow."

Matt sighed, pushing aside some noodles he didn't really like. "So after that we're going home, right?"

"Yeah, I guess," Anoop said. "Well... the whole marriage thing."

"Right," Matt said and he had forgotten for a moment in the middle of being grumpy about having to do that benefit. "We can do that tomorrow."

Anoop shook his head. "I need her donation first... for tax purposes. Before we do that."

Matt rolled his eyes. "Whatever you want to do tomorrow then, Noop. I don't care."

"What's your problem?" Anoop asked.

"What?" Matt said. He shoved his roll in his mouth. It was good but he was forced to choke down a little too much.

"Your attitude."

"I don't have an attitude," Matt said. "I'm just talking."

"Are you really that mad we went to the Nike store without you? It was one store."

"No," Matt said, drawing out the word. "I'm mad that this is supposed to be a vacation all about Bailey and now you've given me an _assignment_ just so you can have some extra money!"

"It's not an assignment," Anoop said. "It's a show. For a very good cause. And I'm not making you do it so I can have some extra money. You're the one that said you wanted to be more involved with the business. Well, this is it."

"It's work," Matt said. "That I didn't sign up for. You just volunteered me."

"She requested you," Anoop said, evenly. "And I agreed. Matt, why are you acting like this is such a big sacrifice? You could do it in your sleep and you'd still be incredible."

"You didn't even ask," Matt said. "You just assumed I wanted to. But what if I'm not in the right state of mind? We still have to worry about Bailey. You pimped me even before he was talking! If there's ever a time your baby should come first all the time it's this time, Anoop."

"Matt!" Anoop snapped. Then he lowered his eyes and stared at his plate for a moment. "Don't lecture me about responsibility," he mumbled.

"Let's not fight," Matt said. He did feel sort of bad. "I... I guess that's just how I feel about it."

"Sorry," Anoop said, looking up at him again. "If you really don't want to do it, Matt, you don't have to do it. You're a grown man. I don't own you. But don't try to make me think this is about Bailey or anything like that. It's just about you. At least be honest about that."

Matt gritted his teeth, feeling a flash of anger all over again. "I just want to go home," he said. "This has gone on long enough. Bailey is better. I just want to be done."

"You know, I thought we could be good on the road together, again," Anoop said. He stood up. "But maybe not. Let me think about this. You know, since I'm so wrapped up in _business_. I have to put my shoes away."

Anoop walked away, carrying his Nike bag. Matt put his hands on top of his head and let out a breath he didn't even know he'd been holding.

"Daddy?" Bailey called. He looked at Matt and shrugged his little shoulders. "Where?"

"He's just going back to our hotel room, baby," Matt said. He sighed because he couldn't help it. Maybe he'd overreacted. Playing the show wasn't that big of a deal. Maybe they both did.

It had just been a long, stressful month.

"Daddy?" Bailey said, appearing on Matt's side of the booth now. He let Bailey crawl into his lap and he took Bailey's sunglasses off his face. He slipped them into his pocket.

"Wanna try some sushi?" Matt asked, pulling over Anoop's abandoned plate. He gave Bailey a bite of one. Bailey made a face after he swallowed.

"Yucky," he said.

"Yeah, that's how I feel about it too." He kissed the top of Bailey's head. "How about ice cream? Is that yucky?"

"No," Bailey said, giggling.

"Is ice cream yummy?" Matt tickled Bailey's side, making him shriek. There weren't too many people in the restaurant. Matt was glad about that.

"Yes!" Bailey said.

"Let's go get some ice cream," Matt said. He carried Bailey over there because he wanted to make himself feel better. He let Bailey eat a lot of ice cream and he had some too. Matt knew that as soon as he got to the hotel room he was going to apologize to Anoop. But he didn't feel like it, not yet, so he took Bailey to see some Tigers and then they just wandered around until Matt found a cool pirate show at a couple of hotels away. On the way back he was stopped a few time to sign autographs and then he hauled Bailey onto the elevator because he was too tired to walk anymore.

Matt didn't mean to get back so late. He let himself in the hotel room and immediately saw Anoop working on his computer at the desk.

"Hey," he said. Anoop glanced over at him.

"Better put Bailey to bed," he said before he went back to what he was doing.

Matt got Bailey undressed and sat next to him once he was settled in his little portable bed. He read Bailey his favorite book and expected Bailey to demand he read it again but Bailey was asleep by the time he was done. He kissed Bailey's forehead.

"Night, Bee," he said. "I love you."

Then he sat there a few minutes longer because he didn't want to face the music.

But he had to get up eventually so he made himself join Anoop in the other room. Anoop closed his laptop as Matt took a seat on the couch across from him.

"You mad at me, Noop?" Matt asked.

"I don't know," Anoop said. "I guess I'm tired, too."

"I'm going to play the show," Matt said.

"I know. I'll ask next time," Anoop said. He gave Matt a small smile and shrugged. "I just do it for you, you know? Do you know? I do it for you."

Matt bit his lip. He didn't know what to say. Maybe he didn't understand because he was selfish. He couldn't explain himself sometimes.

"I just think you work too hard sometimes, Noop," Matt said, after he thought about it for a little while.

"I have to," Anoop said. "I just want us to have everything."

"But we already _do_," Matt said. Anoop joined him on the couch and they just put their arms around each other. Matt could close his eyes and he could see their entire history in his mind, from when they first met to this moment right now. He thought about how long it took them to get this point where they could just hold each other without any words. It had taken a long time but it was worth it. He kissed Anoop's temple and then Anoop kissed him on the lips. Maybe they would never fully understand each other but maybe that wasn't important.

However, Anoop always knew how to touch him. He was glad they took their time that night, kissing and undressing each other and there was also a lot of licking and some fingering which Anoop didn't usually like but Matt guessed he was in a different mood tonight. After everything they took a lazy shower together and then laid in bed naked because they closed the door so they would hear Bailey if he was trying to come in.

"How do you stay so fit?" Matt said, running his hand over Anoop's abs.

"I don't know," Anoop said. "I guess it might be called exercise?"

"I was never really into that," Matt said.

"This counts." Anoop started kissing his neck again.

"Anoop," Matt said. He turned to kiss him on the mouth. "It's like one in the morning."

"When you exercise," Anoop said, with a teasing smile. "You can go all night."

They started up anew, only without the undressing part. Matt wondered if the tongue really was the strongest muscle in his body. It certainly was one of the most orgasmic, the way Anoop was swirling it around his cock. He buried his hand on Anoop's hair and kept his eyes closed until all of a sudden Bailey started wailing, "Daddy! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaddy!"

Anoop got him immediately.

"Dammit," Matt said as Anoop yanked on his boxers and a shirt and ran from the room.

Matt took a few minutes to come down and then he got dressed and joined Anoop where he was holding Bailey on the couch.

"What's wrong?" Matt asked, sitting beside them. Bailey was still crying and gulping as Anoop rocked him back and forth.

"Daddy," Bailey blubbered with the most pathetic, sad look on his face. Matt's heart just broke for him.

"Shhhhhh," Anoop said, rubbing Bailey's back. Then he turned to Matt. "Something hurts."

"What's hurting you, Bailey-Bee?" Matt asked. He leaned over and tried to look Bailey in the eyes but Bailey just buried his face in Anoop's shoulder.

"What should we do?" Matt asked. Bailey hadn't actually been sick before and now Matt's heart was racing. Maybe he was having a heart attack or a brain aneurysm. Maybe they should take him straight to the hospital.

"Maybe they have some baby Tylenol downstairs," Anoop said then Bailey threw up all over him.

"This is familiar," Anoop said, making a face. Bailey started crying louder and he threw up some more on Anoop and the couch until Matt got the bright idea to go get a trashcan. Bailey kept up the crying the whole time.

"I'm sorry, buddy, I'm sorry," Anoop said. Matt admired the fact that he was taking it like a champ, covered in puke, yet still holding Bailey over the trashcan. Matt didn't know where to start with this mess. "I'm sorry you don't feel good, Bailey."

Matt covered his mouth, remembering. "I let him have sushi," Matt blurted out.

"It's not the sushi," Anoop said. "Can you get me some towels? Get me all the towels in the bathroom and call down for more towels."

He probably should have already done that. Matt rushed back with the towels and then he got a couple of blankets. Anoop laid Bailey down on the blankets and started to clean up with the towels.

"We have to call housekeeping," Anoop said. Matt sighed, looking at Bailey all small and pale on the floor, crying, obviously in such misery.

"Poor baby," Matt said. He knelt on the floor and started getting Bailey out of his wet pajamas. "Does your tummy still hurt, Bee?" Bailey answered by throwing up some more. Now they needed a new blanket. Anoop was on the phone with the front desk.

"He's throwing up an awful lot," Matt said once Anoop was off the phone. "Is this normal?"

"I don't know, Matt," Anoop said. "Let's put him on our bed."

Anoop carried Bailey into their room and laid him down carefully. Bailey was still crying but not as hard because he seemed exhausted. Matt stayed with Bailey as Anoop took a quick shower and he managed to get Bailey to puke in the trashcan. Housekeeping knocked.

"Come in," Matt shouted. A couple of women came in and they were very sympathetic. They cleaned up, left towels and even got Bailey a new pair of pajamas courtesy of the hotel. They suggested that they lay Bailey on towels and just line the floor with them to help out with the mess. By the time they left Matt felt like he'd just been helped out by his mom. These moments came by few and far in-between in their relationship but sometimes Matt thought they could benefit from a woman's opinion.

"Okay," Anoop finally said once the place smelled like lemon disinfectant and Bailey was asleep on top of the towels that covered his side of the bed in fresh pajamas after they gave him a sponge bath to help with his fever and get him all cleaned up. It was three hours later and Matt was exhausted.

"He's still warm," Matt said. He bit his lip, feeling guilty.

"Hopefully, the worst of it is over," Anoop said. He kissed Bailey's cheek. When he looked up Matt noticed his red eyes.

"Should we take him to a doctor?" Matt said. He felt restless despite the late hour. He noticed that Bailey's Elephant had managed to escape the carnage so he picked it up and snuggled the stuffed animal next to Bailey. He hoped that would help.

"It's probably just a 24 hour thing," Anoop said. "Not much you can do but let it run it's course. We'll keep an eye on him."

"This is because we're traveling so much," Matt said. He sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to disturb Bailey. "He got it on the plane."

"Kids get sick, Matt," Anoop said.

"Not my baby," Matt said. "I'm scared he'll fall off the bed."

"He's going to be fine," Anoop said.

"How do you stay so calm?" Matt said, pressing his hands to his face. Anoop same over and straddled him. He sat on his lap.

"Here's a tip, Matt," Anoop said. He rested his forehead against Matt's. "I'm faking it. I'm scared, too. And worried."

"You fooled me," Matt said. "You always have it all together, Noop. I still feel like I'm struggling with that."

Anoop shook his head. "You're an amazing dad, Matt. And an amazing singer and partner and person. I don't know why you're so hard on yourself."

"Me?" Matt laughed a little. "You're hard on _your_self! You're all of that too, Noop."

Anoop laughed too and then they were both just laughing and Matt fell back on the bed with Anoop on top of him.

"We're delirious," Anoop said. Matt kissed him and put his arms around him.

"Can we go to sleep just like this?" Matt asked.

"Okay," Anoop said and they did until Bailey started crying again, which didn't take very long.


	10. Chapter 10

After a while they developed a good routine. When Bailey started whimpering and gagging Matt grabbed the bucket and Anoop grabbed Bailey and aimed him. Then Anoop had back rubbing and cuddling duty while Matt was on clean-up duty. Matt would have liked to switch but he figured that Anoop had been puked on so much that he deserved the less gross part. Not that it still wasn't gross. Everything about it was gross but the worst part was seeing Bailey's tired face and his sick eyes. He wasn't smiling and he wasn't talking, which worried Matt to death.

"He's just sick," Anoop said. "I don't think he has the energy to be talking up a storm."

"But he's not saying anything," Matt said. "He's not even saying Daddy."

"That's because I'm already holding him. His Daddy's already here," Anoop said. He was holding Bailey most of the time. But even with Bailey locked safely in Anoop's arms Matt was still pacing and his stomach felt a little queasy. Matt had watched the sun rise over Vegas and now it was afternoon. It had been over 12 hours and Bailey was still vomiting at regular intervals and he looked awful. Matt cornered Luisa, the housekeeper, when she came to check on them and she said that she could send a doctor up. Matt felt better after that even though the doctor didn't do much. He said that Bailey most likely had a stomach virus and he gave them some Pedialyte. Matt took careful notes on the signs of severe dehydration and watched Bailey closely.

Matt wanted to cheer that night when Bailey went a whole two hours without vomiting. Instead he just ordered room service while he sat on the bed with Anoop, Bailey fast asleep between them. The queasiness in Matt's stomach was gone and he wanted to eat.

"Hey," Matt said when the food came. "I think we can leave Bailey in here for a little while. Come and get some food, Noop. We haven't eaten all day."

Anoop came out of the bedroom reluctantly and they sat at the table in the kitchen area together. It was Chinese food and it smelled delicious.

"I feel a little bad chowing down," Matt said, filling is plate with friend rice. "But... this is good."

Anoop nodded and took a bite of his eggroll. He seemed thoughtful. They didn't say anything for a little while.

"Maybe it is the traveling," Anoop said. "That got Bailey sick like this."

Matt shrugged. "You heard what the doctor said. You can get these bugs from anywhere and kids get them all the time. It was bound to happen. Didn't you say that last night?"

Anoop sighed. "I just didn't expect him to stay so sick."

"Don't feel bad," Matt said, reaching over to rub Anoop's shoulder. "He's going to be okay. You said so. He's already getting better."

"I guess I have to really think about if taking Bailey out on tour is a good idea," Anoop said. "Do you ever think that we're being selfish? Is this the right lifestyle for a little kid?"

"Come on," Matt said. He felt very serious all of a sudden. "What kind of lifestyle do you want for Bailey? Going from house to house never knowing any sort of stability? Or growing up in a group home where he has nothing to himself? The lifestyle when he's always sad, the lifestyle where he never speaks again? Don't be silly. We have everything to give him. I know I've been whining about it lately but the truth is where ever your heart is, that's home. My heart is with you and Bailey so when we're all together, that's home. That's the most important thing."

Anoop smiled a little. "I couldn't do this without you," he said.

"Me neither," Matt said. His heart clenched even thinking about it. There was no way.

"We shouldn't fight in front of Bailey," Matt decided. He looked at Anoop who nodded.

"Yeah, that was irresponsible," Anoop said. "It's not just the two of us anymore. Was he scared after I left?"

"I don't know," Matt said, truthfully. "But I know it's not good. He knows that we made up, though. Right?" Matt leaned over the table and kissed Anoop softly. Anoop kissed him back.

"Last night was a lot of fun," Anoop said. "Until all the puke."

"Well we can't do that if we're not together on tour!" Matt said. Anoop grinned at him. They continued eating until they heard Bailey start to whimper and gag so they rushed back to the bedroom to prevent the upcoming mess.

Matt drifted off around 2am when Bailey had been quiet for a while. He was laying on his towels and under a new cuddly soft blanket that Matt went down to the main casino floor to buy. He couldn't believe it when he woke up at 9 and Bailey was still laying there in the same spot. Matt allowed himself to finally breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe Bailey really had gotten over it, this time.

"Hey," Matt whispered. Anoop was laying there with his eyes open, staring at the ceiling. "Bailey didn't throw up? All night?"

Anoop shook his head.

"That's good," Matt said. Anoop didn't really respond. He frowned after a moment. "Noop?" Anoop still didn't say anything. The TV was on but the volume was so low that Matt couldn't hear anything.

"Having trouble going to sleep?" Matt said. "I know I was knocked out but I'm good. So don't worry about Bailey. Close your eyes, Noop, you look really pale and tired."

Anoop didn't close his eyes. He sat up and then made his way off the bed slowly. Matt watched him walk to the bathroom.

A few minutes he heard Anoop puking his guts out.

"Oh shit," Matt said, closing his eyes for a moment. His immediate fear was that he was going to get it too. Matt couldn't remember the last time he'd been stomach sick like that so he prayed he could keep the streak alive.

Matt decided to leave Anoop alone for a little while but after it sounded like he'd been vomiting continuously for 20 minutes straight he got up and knocked on the bathroom door. "Anoop? You okay? Do you want me to get you anything? Should I call 911?" He chuckled nervously, only half kidding. Anoop didn't answer so he cracked the door and peeked inside.

"Noop?" he said softly, as if talking loudly would upset Anoop's stomach even more. "How can I help?"

Anoop turned away from the toilet long enough to glare. "Leave," he barked. Matt shut the door quickly.

It was only a matter of time. Matt put a hand on his forehead, trying to determine how much time he had. A few minutes? The rest of the day? How long until he was hunched over the toilet throwing up everything he'd ever eaten too?

He wondered if it would be rude to order breakfast.

Matt had to turn up the TV so he wouldn't be able to hear Anoop as well. He felt sorry for him but the puking sounds were just awful. He found some trashy reality show on VH1 and watched for a little while until he noticed that Bailey was awake and staring at him.

"Oh hey, Bee," Matt said. "I thought you were sleeping."

Bailey blinked at him. Matt tried not to panic.

"How you feeling, Bailey-Bee?" Matt said, smiling like everything was normal.

"I'm wet," Bailey said. Matt was relieved to hear that his little voice was still the same, slightly scratchy.

"You're wet?" Matt said.

"My bottom is wet," Bailey said. He still looked sick and sleepy despite sleeping for so long. Matt didn't know what he was talking about until he pulled the blanket off of Bailey and saw that he'd wet the bed.

"Oh..." Matt said. "That's okay, baby. This virus has really done a number on you."

He wondered how long Bailey had been laying there wet like that and he felt like a terrible dad. Luckily, the suite had two bathrooms so he took Bailey to the other one and ran the bath while Bailey sat on the tile floor on top of a couple towels.

"How's your tummy?" Matt asked. Bailey didn't answer, just stared up at him his wide brown eyes.

"I don't like it when my baby doesn't feel good," Matt said. He stripped Bailey out of his wet pajamas and underwear and threw them in the corner. Bailey sat quietly in the bath while Matt bathed him.

"Does the water feel good, baby?" Matt asked. Bailey nodded. He took his time, washing Bailey carefully. His skin seemed a little cooler. Matt thought he might not have a fever anymore.

Matt dried Bailey off with the big fluffy towel and then he hugged him gently.

"It's gonna get better, baby," he said. "Soon you'll be feeling like yourself." He kissed Bailey's hair.

"I'm thirsty," Bailey said.

"Okay," Matt said. "Hold on."

He jumped to his feet feeling sort of excited. This had to be a good sign. They put the Pedialyte in the fridge. Matt filled a plastic cup halfway with the blue kind and returned to the bathroom.

"Try this juice, Bailey," he said. Bailey took the cup and chugged it. Matt was impressed because he tried the Pedialyte and he didn't like it all that much.

"Still thirsty, baby?" Matt asked. Bailey shook his head.

A couple minutes later it all came back up, spraying out of Bailey's mouth in an impressive fashion, just as liquid and blue as it had been in the cup. Matt didn't know how he escaped the damage but the rest of the bathroom was not as lucky, especially the walls. Bailey looked as surprised as Matt felt.

"It's blue," Bailey said, like he wasn't the one that just projectile vomited all over the place.

"Wow." Matt sighed. "That was a bad idea."

"Daddy, I'm thirsty," Bailey whined.

"Bee," Matt said. "I think your tummy is too sick right now."

Bailey dissolved into tears. Matt felt like a terrible dad once again. How was he going to deny his sick, thirsty baby something to drink? But he knew it would just come right back up.

Someone knocked on the door and Matt picked Bailey up. Luisa smiled at him when he opened the door.

"How is it going?" she asked with her Spanish accent.

"Everyone's sick!" Matt blurted out. "I gave Bailey something to drink and he just threw it all up. And Anoop is in the bathroom throwing up. Everyone in this room is throwing up except me!"

Luisa patted his arm in a reassuring way. She cleaned up the bathroom, changed the bed, grabbed the dirty clothes, gave him some towels for Anoop and got them a pitcher full of crushed ice while Matt got Bailey into some clothes. She suggested that he give Bailey some ice to suck on for now so he wouldn't feel so thirsty. She even had a DVD about baby animals for Bailey. Matt walked her to the door when she was all finished.

"Thank you, Luisa," he said. "I don't know what I'd do without you. I want to name a mountain after you!"

Luisa chuckled. Matt knew he'd really have to leave her a motherlode of a tip after this was over with. He didn't even think that would be enough.

The crushed ice helped and so did the video. Matt sat on the couch and cuddled Bailey as they watched it three times in a row. He got up a few times to check on Anoop, who always seemed to be in the middle of heaving. He really was worried about him. He'd never seen Anoop get so sick before.

By mid-afternoon Bailey was asleep on the couch and when Matt wandered over to the bathroom Anoop was silent. Matt knocked and then pushed the door open. Anoop was on the floor in the middle of a fitful sleep. Matt got him a pillow and a blanket. Anoop's eyes were open by the time he got back.

"What time is it?" Anoop asked. His lips were chapped and his voice was hoarse.

"It's about 2," Matt said. "Don't worry about it. You look horrible."

"I feel horrible," Anoop said. "I think I saw a white light at one time coming from the bottom of the toilet."

Matt laughed a little. "Don't follow the light, Noop," he joked, weakly. "You wanna lay down on the bed? I'll help you up."

Anoop shook his head slowly. "If I move, I'll puke. I'm just barely holding on right now. I can't explain how nauseous I am." Anoop swallowed and Matt prepared to jump out of the way.

"You need to be there at six," Anoop said. He closed his eyes and grabbed the pillow. He curled up on the floor, holding the pillow against his stomach.

"Be where?" Matt asked. He wondered if Anoop was delirious. He would have checked Anoop's temperature but he was scared to touch his forehead.

"At the benefit," Anoop said. "It's tonight."

"What?" Matt said, louder than he meant to. "I'm not going to that, are you crazy?"

"Matt..." Anoop said.

"No, seriously, Anoop. How am I supposed to go? Who's going to watch Bailey?"

"I am."

"You can't move! You can barely keep your eyes open. Bailey's sick, too!"

"Matt," Anoop said. "Please don't argue with me."

"Don't argue with me!" Matt said. "I'm not doing it. Do you want me to spread this around? Think about it, Anoop. You're not thinking. You're sick. She'll understand! My family's sick. No."

"Matt--" Anoop said and then he sat up. "Can we talk about this after I finish throwing up for the millionth time?"

"No," Matt said. He glared but then he felt bad as soon as Anoop actually did throw up again. He rubbed Anoop's back for a moment. He wasn't going to argue with him.

But he still wasn't going to go.

He left Anoop and went back to Bailey, who was still asleep. He stroked Bailey's hair, sitting there on the couch. He tried not to look but he couldn't resist. The piano was in the middle of the room, not too far from the piano. It was a little smaller than what Matt liked but that didn't mean he didn't want to play it because he did. It had been a long time since he'd performed for people and he missed the energy, he missed the music, he missed the smiling faces all around him, missed all the stories that he could sense in the audience, missed the chance to be a living, breathing soundtrack for someone's life that was happening right in front of him. He craved it. The truth was he really wanted to perform at that benefit.

He just didn't like feeling forced into it. He thought Anoop would know that by now. Even when it might be easier to just do the things people told him or just to take what they give him Matt always wanted to make his musical decisions the right way in his own time. Matt tried to be careful. He felt like he had so much at stake every time he played. He had so much to give but also so much that could be taken away. He wanted to make sure that people got it, that they understood what he was trying to do.

Every show they seemed to understand but Matt was still fearful of the one time when it wouldn't.

So he needed time before a show to prepare, not musically because that was a given. He needed time to prepare his head. He needed time to prepare his heart. There just wasn't enough time.

Matt made his way to the piano and sat down slowly. He glanced over at Bailey who looked so innocent, sleeping on his side. His eyelashes were so long. His chest moved up and down easily. Matt knew that Bailey was the only person he'd give up music for and he wouldn't think twice. But he knew it was the very best way he could provide for Bailey, too.

He started playing without knowing what he was going to play. He just let it come from his fingers, from his mind, from his soul. He just played, one song blending into another or maybe it was just one continuous song. Sometimes he played fast and sometimes it was slow or he stayed in the middle or maybe he built the melody with his left hand or his right hand was creating the trills or both hands were crossing each other and when he put his face close to the keys and he could actually feel it, the heat of the notes he created, the weight of the melody, the smooth sharpness of the tempo. He played with his eyes closed most of time but he opened them occasionally to check on Bailey.

Matt didn't know how long he was playing when he opened his eyes again and Anoop was sitting on the couch, holding Bailey who was also awake. Anoop looked a lot less awful. He was wearing a different t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and his hair was still damp from a shower. Bailey was sitting on his lap and when Matt stopped playing, Bailey clapped.

"That was good, huh?" Anoop said, looking down at Bailey. Then he smiled at Matt.

"Go Daddy!" Bailey shouted, still clapping enthusiastically. Matt grinned even though he felt like he could cry.

"He's the most talented musician I've ever know," Anoop said, still looking at Matt. "Your daddy only gets better and better every moment of his life."

Matt stood there for a moment, both humbled and amazed. He felt like he had a part in this transformation but he didn't know how.

"You feel better?" Matt said. He scooted off the piano bench and made his way over them them.

Anoop shrugged. "I'll survive," he said. "I do feel better."

"I feel better!" Bailey said.

"You do?" Matt smiled down at him. He could see that Bailey was feeling better. There was color in his cheeks and his eyes were brighter. "I'm so glad, baby." He kissed Bailey's forehead and then Anoop's forehead.

"But..." Matt said, looking at Anoop again. "You were so sick just a little while ago."

"I know," Anoop said. "But all of a sudden I started feeling better. I could hear you and... I started feeling better."

They stared at each other for a moment. Matt wasn't sure what to think so instead he just hugged both of them.

"You need to go," Anoop whispered. Matt pulled away and looked at him. "We'll be okay. Bailey's going to take care of me. Right, buddy?"

Bailey nodded seriously. "Yes. Daddy, lay down, Daddy." He pushed Anoop's chest until Anoop laid back on the couch. Bailey slid off the couch and grabbed the bucket that he'd been using.

"Throw up in the bucket," Bailey said, just like they had been saying to him. "Let's watch animals." Bailey settled on the floor where the remote was and pushed play for the baby animal DVD.

"Have fun with that," Matt said. "You're going to be watching it all night."

Anoop got off the couch and stood up in front of Matt. He had always been oddly comforted by the fact that Anoop was younger than him and quite a bit taller. He put his arms around Anoop and Anoop hugged him back.

"Wash your hands a lot," he said. "Don't touch anyone. Just play your set and say hello, goodbye to the important people... then you can come back. We'll be okay. Really."

Matt closed his eyes for a moment. "Okay," he said.

Matt took a long shower, washing himself very carefully. He tried to remember what happened, what he played on the piano but he figured that information was stored in a special place in his brain that could only be accessed when he was sitting in front of a piano again.

By the time he was finally ready Anoop was laying on the couch and Bailey was still on the floor, watching the DVD again. He had some Pedialyte, the purple kind this time. Matt watched him drink it and nothing else happened so Matt breathed a sigh of relief.

"Maybe you can bring Bailey some Jello when you get back," Anoop said. "I think he can handle some solids and he says he's hungry."

"Yeah," Matt said. "Don't worry, Bee, I'm not going to be gone long."

Bailey hardly noticed because he was too wrapped up in the baby pigs parading around on the screen.

"See you soon," Matt said. He blew Anoop a kiss. Now that he was freshly washed and disinfected he didn't want to get too close.

"I love you, Matt," Anoop said. "Thank you for doing this for me."

Matt smiled after a moment, blinking a few times. "I'd do anything for you," he said, because it was true.

The benefit was much nicer than Matt was expecting. He didn't shake any hands and he didn't mingle as much as he usually would but he wanted to because it really was a good time. The set went even better than he'd been expecting. He played three encores and then he got a standing ovation from the room that lasted a couple of minutes. For some reason, he felt triumphant. He felt like he was getting a standing O for everything and he felt like he deserved it. He took a bow, signed autographs and promised people that they could see him in concert on his tour really soon.

Before he left Madeline gave him a special plate for Bailey. The chef made Jello that had been molded into animal shapes. There was a camel, a giraffe and an elephant.

"Thank you," Matt said, surprised. "Bailey is going to love this."

"Keep taking care of your family," Madeline said. "You'll be just fine."

Matt walked through the lobby on the way back and stopped when something shiny in a store window caught his eye. He backtracked to the jewelry store and stared at the wedding bands nestled together in the window display.

"Are you looking?" a saleswoman said, suddenly beside him. He glanced down at her and then the looked at the rings again. They hadn't decided on rings but now Matt just had to have them.

"Yeah," Matt said. "I'm getting married."

"Anoop?" the woman said. She smiled, knowingly. Sometimes he forgot he was semi-famous. "Let's see what I can do, Matt."

He didn't want it to take long and it didn't. Matt wanted something classic, something timeless, but there had to be a certain something about the rings that represented _them_. He found that in the third set of rings he looked at and he bought them on the spot.

Bailey was still awake by the time he got back and they were still watching the baby animals. Anoop looked like he hadn't moved from the couch.

"Did Daddy throw up in the bucket, Bee?" Matt asked. Bailey nodded.

"He had excellent aim," Bailey declared. Matt gave him a look and then they both started laughing. Bailey laughed too, covering his mouth in delight.

"I don't know where he got that phrase from," Anoop said. "I only got sick like three times. Bailey took very good care of me." Bailey nodded in agreement.

Matt presented Bailey with his jello and Bailey seemed very pleased. Then he went to hide the rings. It felt strange keeping a secret from Anoop. The only secret he'd truly kept was how he really felt about him but they were way past that now.

"Madeline emailed me," Anoop said when Matt came back. "She told me that you were simply incredible. She already made the deposit. This is really going to help the label and just everything we're trying to do."

"And it's going to help you put your new music out," Matt said, looking at him pointedly.

Anoop almost seemed to blush. "Yes," he said.

"I'm not going to let you forget, Noop!" Matt said. "You're the most incredible musician that I've ever known."

Anoop smiled after a moment. "You're ridiculous," he said.

"You said it first," Matt said. He sat on the couch next to Anoop and patted his leg. Anoop rested his head in Matt's lap. They watched Bailey on the floor. He was done with the jello and now he was playing with his stuffed animals. They were having a conversation that only a three year old could follow. It didn't make much sense to Matt but he enjoyed it because Bailey seemed so happy.

"So am I going to wake up tonight and start throwing up?" Matt asked, looking down at Anoop.

"We'll see," Anoop said.

"You hope I do," Matt said.

"Kind of."

Matt poked Anoop's side. "Meanie," he said.

"Misery loves company," Anoop said with a laugh. "I'm not that miserable anymore."

"I'll still be your company," Matt said. "I can keep you company without getting sick."

"Okay," Anoop said. "I'm crossing my fingers for you."

"Aren't you sweet?" He leaned down and kissed Anoop's neck. When they looked over at Bailey again he was all tuckered out on top of his stuffed animals.

"Okay," Matt said, getting up carefully. "I'm going to put Bailey to bed. Then I'll come back so we can snuggle and you can breathe your germs all over me."

Anoop snickered. "Sounds good," he said.

Matt carried Bailey to their bedroom because he figured Bailey could stand sleeping with them for one more night. He wrapped Bailey in the cuddly blanket that had been freshly washed along with Bailey's pajamas from earlier. He kissed him and just stared for a few moments. He loved to watch Bailey sleep. He just looked so sweet and relaxed and beautiful. Sometimes he just couldn't believe that Bailey was his, that Bailey was theirs, that they got to have him all the time. He gave Bailey one last kiss because he couldn't help himself. By the time he got back to the couch Anoop was falling asleep too. Matt took his seat on the couch again.

"I'm just going to hold you," he said. He held Anoop for a long time, thinking about everything. But the best part was when he woke up the next day, perfectly fine.


	11. Chapter 11

It took a couple of days for Bailey and Anoop to fully recover but that was okay because Matt was making plans. He got a list of all the nicer wedding chapels in the area while Anoop laid on the couch with Bailey on top of him, sleeping. Sometimes Matt got distracted from just watching them.

Matt and Anoop decided they wanted a place where everything was included-- tuxes, the legal stuff, decorations, a few wedding pics after it was done. It was a quickie wedding in Vegas but that didn't mean it couldn't be _nice_. That didn't mean it wasn't something he'd been wanting for a long time. He felt like he always wanted to marry Anoop, like even when he was a kid which was a crazy way of thinking but it was how he felt sometimes. Now it was finally going to come true.

He woke up fairly early on the day they decided to do it and after a moment he noticed that Anoop was awake too, doing something on his phone.

"Hey," Matt whispered.

Anoop looked over and smiled at him. "Good morning," he said.

"What are you doing?"

"A little bit of work. There was a distribution snafu."

"Sounds like a little more than a little bit of work."

Anoop shrugged. "Not much I can do about it from here."

"You need to go home," Matt said. It wasn't much a question. They all needed to go home but not quite yet. Anoop surprised him when he wrapped his arms around Matt. He laid there as quietly as he could in Anoop's arms, listening to him breathe, feeling the rhythm of his heartbeat, until there was a little knock on the door.

"Come in, Bailey," Matt and Anoop said at the same time. Matt gave him a funny look and then they both laughed.

"We've been around each other way too long," Matt said. Bailey pushed the door open and ran over to the bed. He climbed up and wiggled his way in-between them.

"Hi, Bee," Matt said, kissing his cheek. Bailey grinned.

"Are you okay, buddy?" Anoop asked, kissing Bailey's other cheek. Bailey nodded.

"How's your tummy?" Matt asked. He tickled Bailey a little and Bailey grinned while he squirmed.

"Are you okay, Daddy?" Bailey asked, turning to Anoop.

"I'm perfect, Bailey," Anoop said. "Thank you for asking." He kissed Bailey a few times and Matt smiled when Bailey wrapped his little arms around Anoop's neck and hugged him.

"What do you want for breakfast, Bee?" Matt asked.

"Pancakes," Bailey said, maneuvering his way into Anoop's lap.

Anoop sat up with his arms around Bailey. "Pancakes sound good to me."

"He loves those pancakes," Matt said.

"I love pancakes!" Bailey agreed. Anoop laughed, squeezing Bailey tighter. Matt smiled, thinking about how far they'd come. He couldn't even explain how good it felt to see Anoop cuddling Bailey and looking so happy instead of worried and stressed out. It was always wonderful to hear Bailey talking. He was so perceptive. Maybe Anoop and Bailey bonded over being sick together. Maybe they had an intimate conversation while Matt was gone playing the benefit that he would never know about. It didn't matter. Matt didn't need an explanation. He only needed things to stay exactly the way they were except for when they were getting better and better.

"Then you need to get dressed, buddy," Anoop said. "What do you want to wear?" They got off the bed to look through Bailey's suitcase.

Matt went into the bathroom to take a shower. He stared into the steamy mirror and ran a hand through his hair. The first thing he'd do when he got home was get a haircut. It had been way too long. He also wanted to put a pool in the backyard. He didn't think Bailey could live without one now which was fine with Matt. He always wanted a pool but Anoop said it was an unnecessary expense. Thank goodness for Bailey.

They finally got out of the room about an hour later. Anoop stretched his arms over his head and took a deep breath, letting it out in a loudly.

"It feels so good to get out of there," Anoop said. Matt grinned and wrapped his arm around Anoop's waist while Bailey ran ahead to push the elevator button.

"Daddy, I can't reach!" he said, standing on his tiptoes and reaching for the button. Matt lifted him up and watched Bailey push the button triumphantly.

"We're going down, buddy," Anoop said. Bailey pushed the other button and giggled. He wrapped his arms around Anoop's leg as he waited.

"When did he get so cute?" Matt said, gesturing at Bailey. Anoop looked down at his leg.

"I think he got it from my side of the family," Anoop said.

"Ha ha," Matt said. He grabbed Anoop's hand as the elevator doors opened. It was empty but with all the mirrors on the walls it looked like they filled the whole space. Bailey was still hanging onto Anoop's leg. Matt kissed Anoop's hand.

"Today's the day," he said.

"Where are we going?" Anoop asked.

Matt grinned. "Can't I have a few surprises up my sleeve, Noop?"

Anoop held up his hands. "Okay, whatever you say."

"Trust me," Matt said, leaning in close to Anoop so that their noses were practically touching.

"I always do," Anoop said. He kissed Matt softly and Matt closed his eyes after a moment. They stood there with their lips touching and Matt's eyes were closed. The elevator dinged as the doors opened slowly. Matt still didn't move but he opened his eyes.

"Always," Anoop said. He kissed Matt again, a quick kiss, and then they made their way off the elevator. Bailey giggled, still hanging onto Anoop's leg. Anoop dragged him along a few feet before he stopped.

"Matt, I seem to have something on my leg. What is it?"

Matt grinned and peered down at Bailey as he hid his face.

"I don't know, Noop," Matt said. "But whatever it is I suggest you just get it off of you. You can barely walk!"

"Let me see here," Anoop said. "Is it ticklish?" He leaned down and tickled Bailey who started squealing with laughter. Then he grabbed Bailey and flipped him upside down, holding Bailey against his shoulder. Bailey couldn't stop laughing.

"I found it!" Anoop said. "Nothing I can't handle. It's just a Bailey! Tickling is the only way to subdue him. Help me out here, Matt." Anoop held Bailey and Matt tickled him while Bailey kicked and screamed with laughter until they started getting a lot of dirty looks. Anoop adjusted Bailey in his arms so he was cradling him like a baby.

"You know what?" Anoop said, with a grin, looking at Matt. "This Bailey is so cute I think I'm gonna keep him."

Matt nodded. "I think that's a good idea. I've always wanted my own Bailey."

Bailey was still giggling. "Daddy!" he said looking between both of them.

"What?" Anoop said, kissing Bailey's cheek.

"Pancakes! I want pancakes," Bailey reminded them.

"Oh yeah. These Baileys need to be fed three times a day, don't they?" Anoop said.

Matt nodded gravely. "They're a lot of work, Noop. Sure we can handle the responsibility?"

"Guess we're stuck with him now," Anoop said. Bailey kicked his legs happily. They went to a little diner on the first floor of the casino where there were a lot of other families. Bailey sat up high in his booster seat next to Anoop in the booth. They got Bailey's pancakes and Matt had one of the breakfast specials. Anoop only ordered coffee and toast. Anoop pulled Bailey's plate over and started cutting up his pancakes when the food came.

"How's your stomach?" Matt asked.

"It's fine, I guess," Anoop said. "I just don't want to chance it."

"You gotta try real food eventually," Matt said. "Have some of Bailey's pancakes, he's not going to eat them all. Just try it, Noop. You lost like five pounds. You need every pound you can get or you make me feel extra fat instead of just fat."

Anoop rolled his eyes. "You're not fat."

Bailey glared, holding his hands over his plate. "My pancakes," he growled.

"Bailey, that's rude," Matt said. "You have to share."

Bailey sighed. "Okay, Daddy," he said, looking at Anoop. Anoop smiled and kissed the top of Bailey's head.

"That's okay," Anoop said. "I want you to eat them all. Thanks for offering, baby." He gave Bailey his plate back and ordered some eggs the next time the waitress came by.

"Gotta keep your strength up," Matt said. "We're going to get married!"

"Me?" Bailey asked, syrup all around his mouth.

"Well, not you, Bee, but you'll be there," Matt said. "Your daddy and I are getting married. So we'll always be together. Remember Bailey-Bee?"

Bailey looked unimpressed and went back to eating his pancakes. When the pancake piece fell off his fork he just used his fingers.

"You love those pancakes," Anoop said. He finished his eggs and wiped Bailey's mouth. He had syrup all over his shirt. Bailey grinned wiped his mouth with his sticky hands.

"The wedding place isn't too far," Matt said. "We can walk there. If you feel like it."

"Sounds good to me," Anoop said. He scooted out of the booth, taking Bailey with him. "I'm just going to take Bailey to the bathroom and get him cleaned up. Unless you want to."

Matt shook his head. "No, go ahead. I'll be here."

Bailey skipped ahead, holding Anoop's hand as he guided him through the booths and tables. As soon as they were out of sight, Matt patted his pocket. The rings were right there, still there. Matt checked whenever he got a second. He would have left them in the box but this little pouch was better because he didn't think Anoop could see. Matt's jeans were still baggy despite the 10 pounds he'd gained on this trip. He always gained weight when he was on the road, even if he was doing a show every night. It helped when he went home and Anoop cooked for him. Sometimes Matt cooked too. Now they had Bailey to help cook. Everything was going to be different when they got back to Nashville, in the very best way. Matt couldn't wait.

Anoop and Bailey came back so Matt rested his hands on top of the table.

"Ready?" Anoop said. "I paid."

"He's such a gentleman," Matt said, getting out of the booth. Bailey reached for his hand. "Let's go."

Outside it was hot but not stifling or sticky. The streets were crowded with people coming in and out of casinos. Traffic was slow so walking was probably the best thing. Bailey walked between them, holding both their hands and occasionally he would swing himself forward so they would pull him off the ground. Matt smiled at Anoop over Bailey's head.

"Nervous?" Anoop asked. Matt didn't want to admit it but he did have some butterflies.

Bailey dropped their hands and pointed. "Look!" he shouted. "Elephant!"

Sure enough there was an elephant in the middle of a huge parking lot that had been converted into what looked like an impromptu circus. Everyone was gathered around as an elephant did a few tricks, holding a ball with his trunk.

"Daddy, Daddy, let's see!" Bailey said. He started running toward the crowd.

"Bailey, stop!" Anoop yelled. Bailey stopped in his tracks and looked back at them, anxiously. Matt grabbed him and put him on Anoop's shoulders because he was taller. Bailey wrapped his arms around Anoop's head, staring intensely as they moved closer.

The elephant stood on his hind legs and even got on a ball. He blew water out of his trunk. He turned around in a circle in a little elephant dance. Bailey clapped enthusiastically after each stunt, completely enthralled. Matt love to see him so amazed.

After the elephant they brought out a bunch of white tigers. The show was educational as well as entertaining. The handlers explained that white tigers were endangered and these tigers had been raised in a special sanctuary in Florida. They didn't teach the tigers tricks, they just encouraged them to do things that they already liked to do. Matt's mouth dropped open when one tiger stretched and leaped in the air so they could see the full length of his body. It was incredible how big and agile and beautiful he was.

"Daddy, I want a tiger!" Bailey said.

"Me too," Matt said.

"No tigers," Anoop said. "It wouldn't fit in our house." Anoop bought Bailey a white tiger stuffed animal instead and Bailey seemed satisfied but Matt was a little disappointed.

They got to wedding place a little after 11. Matt was relieved that there didn't seem to be any kind of a line. It was a simple place, not too tacky or gaudy which was hard to come by in Vegas. There were a couple of consultation rooms, a big space in the back where people picked out their tuxes and wedding dresses and then the chapel was a room up front with a few rows of seating and there was there was an arch on the alter but it was the only cheesy thing so Matt was willing to overlook it.

"Well, hello there!" a cheerful lady at the front desk said. "Who do we have here? Who is this adorable little boy with the stuffed tiger?"

Bailey smiled, hugging his tiger. "I'm Bailey," he said, sweetly. "My tiger likes to swim."

"Does he?" the woman said. "Well, that's very special! I've never seen a swimming tiger before. Nice to meet you, Bailey! Now who's getting married?"

Bailey giggled and pointed at Matt and Anoop. "Daddy!" he said.

"Wonderful." The woman looked up at both of them. "Hi boys. Have we chatted?"

"I talked to you," Matt said. He stepped forward and shook her hand. "Matt Giraud? We spoke on the phone."

"Oh yes! Now I remember. Weren't you supposed to come in a couple of days ago? I figured you changed your mind!"

"Nah, just a small setback," Matt said. "I definitely wouldn't change my mind about this." He exchanged a looked with Anoop who looked as happy and anxious as he felt.

"My name's Martha," the woman said, introducing herself to Anoop. "Pleased to meet you. You know, I have all your CDs. You just charmed me almost to death during your last Vegas show. Do you remember that? It was about a year or so ago now. When's the next one coming out?"

Anoop gave her a tight-lipped smile. "That's to be determined," he said. "But Matt's next CD is coming out June 25th. It's all ready to go."

"Really?" Matt said, turning to him. Anoop nodded.

"Is that okay? It's a couple of months away. I just confirmed it this morning."

"Wow," Matt said, his heart pounding. "Yeah... that sounds great." He always felt giddy when he heard release dates. It was like his dream was coming true--making his own music, putting out his own albums--all over again, every single time.

"Good," Anoop said. He reached over and squeezed the back of Matt's neck. "So what do we need to do? So we can get married."

"That's an excellent question," Martha said. "First you have to pass my kiss test. Pucker up so I can see you two are really in love."

Matt laughed, amused and then his laughter turned to total surprise when Anoop grabbed him and actually kissed him. He had to stop laughing in order to kiss Anoop back properly. He didn't care how many times they kissed. He knew he would always love the way the way Anoop always knew how to use his tongue and the way he sucked on Matt's bottom lip sometimes. When they pulled away Matt felt lightheaded but in a good way.

"Well, Bailey," Martha said, smiling at them. "Seems Daddy passed the test. You know I was joking, right?"

"I know," Anoop said. He squeezed Matt's arm.

"Wow," Matt said, again.

Martha took them to a consultation room and Matt sat close to Anoop while they flipped through all the wedding package options.

"Everything is adaptable," Martha said. "So don't worry about who you see in the pictures. Just think about yourself and what you two want."

"We want to include Bailey," Anoop said, looking up at her. Matt looked at the brides in white and the handsome guys with flowers pined to their lapel. He always thought that was going to be him growing up, in his childhood church, surrounded by all his family and friends. Things had turned out very differently. And he wouldn't have it any other way.

"Sure, we can get Bailey all dressed up," Martha said. "He can be your little ringbearer."

"We don't have any rings," Anoop said. Matt swallowed, heavily. He hoped Anoop wouldn't be mad about it.

"Look at this one, Noop," Matt said quickly, pointing to the page he was on. "I think this seems good. It includes everything we want."

"Yeah, that looks good," Anoop said. "There's even a cake. Bailey will like that."

Matt glanced over at Bailey on the floor. He was having an intense conversation with his tiger. Matt couldn't wait to get him into school so he could have a group of little kid friends to play with. He wanted their house to be the place where everyone came to play and have sleepovers. He'd always have popcorn and candy ready. They'd have the pool and a trampoline and the swing set they already had. There was so much to look forward to in the future. Matt didn't want to get there too fast. He was satisfied just knowing that was how his life was going to do.

"Yes, we have everything baked daily," Martha said. "You can pick the cake straight from the oven."

"Okay, let's do it," Anoop said. It was Vegas so they had to pay first. Matt leaned into Anoop once Martha left to run the credit card and kissed him slowly.

"Have you told anybody?" Matt asked.

"No," Anoop said. "I was thinking we can have a reception when we get home. It can double as a birthday party."

Matt made a face. "Don't remind me how old I'm getting."

"Lucky for you," Anoop said. "I like older men."

He kissed Matt's temple. Matt pulled his chair closer so they were sitting right beside each other, chairs touching. He rested his head on Anoop's sharp collarbone as Anoop put his arm around him.

"June 25th," Matt said. The date sounded unfamiliar but soon it would become a part of him, coursing through his veins like the blood that was already there. By now Matt knew all about being an artist on an independent label. It was all about self-promotion.

"Yeah, I figured we can start doing some shows in June," Anoop said. "That gives you a month to put it together. And then we can take the tour through the summer. If we end in late August we have time to get home and get Bailey started in pre-school. I think it'll work out fine. I'll start booking dates when we get home."

"Great," Matt said, smiling. The start of each album was a new adventure and now it would be better with his family by his side. Matt felt shivery with excitement.

"And what about you?" Matt asked. "Are you thinking a fourth quarter release?"

"No," Anoop said.

"Summer?" Matt looked up at him. "Isn't it done?"

"I'm just going to shelf it," Anoop said. "For now."

"What?" Matt pulled away so he could look into Anoop's brown eyes properly. "Anoop..."

"Yeah," Anoop said. "That's what I've decided."

"Come on," Matt said. "Your new stuff is _incredible_! What's the problem?"

"There's not a problem," Anoop said, calmly. "I'm just not going to put it out. Not right now."

"Anoop..." Matt said. He felt responsible somehow, even guilty. "I just... I don't understand. What can I do to help? Seriously."

Anoop shook his head. "Nothing, Matt. Look I've been thinking a lot about this and our trip just confirmed that what I'm doing is the right thing. Look, Matt, we're lucky because we have a career where we get to manage our own time. We make our own rules. I want us to be here for Bailey. I don't want him being cared for strangers in daycare or nannies. I want us to be the ones that pick him up from school, that put him to bed every night and see him in the morning. I want him to know that we are the first people he comes to when he's upset, when he's sad, when he's happy, when he's scared. He needs to know that we'll always be there and we're going to love him forever. Bailey comes first. I know we can do this but it's going to take some... we have to shift our priorities. I can run the label and I can have my music career. Or I can run the label and be my son's father. But I don't think I can do all three."

"Yes, you _can_," Matt said. "I don't want you to give music up, Anoop. No."

"I'm not giving it up," Anoop said. "But there has to be a transition period. That's now. You know, my last album I thought I was this close to having all my dreams come true. It finally went platinum. I finally got a Grammy nom. So I worked so hard on this one just so I could go triple platinum and win a Grammy and just all these superficial things. But you know what? My dreams are different now. My greatest dream is that Bailey's always happy and well-taken care of. This is what I need to do to get it done. There are other artists on my label who need attention that I can't give them if I have my own album to promote. You know how hard I worked for every sale last time and every album it just gets harder. I need to put all of my energy into fewer things. Please, Matt." He cupped Matt's face in his hands and looked at him seriously. "This is what I want. It's just better for Bailey. It's better for our family."

"You don't have to make all the sacrifices, Anoop," Matt said, pulling away. "Someone does need to be there for Bailey. It can just as easily be me. I can shelve my project too. It doesn't need to be you. We can talk about this."

"It's not a sacrifice!" Anoop said. "That's what I'm trying to get you to understand. It's not a sacrifice at all. Matt." He looked at him for a moment, not saying a word. "For you it would be. I wouldn't ask you to do that. Look Matt, this is what you need to be doing. Your album is more amazing than I can say. Together, we're going to make everyone realize that it's the best thing out there because it already is, Matt."

"I love Bailey, too," Matt said. "I want to be at home with Bailey. He needs me. He needs both of us."

"He does need both of us. This is the best way he can have that. Trust me, Matt." Anoop took Matt's hands this time. Matt felt himself getting teary already. He blinked and looked at the marble floor and took a deep breath.

"I love you," Anoop whispered. Matt finally looked at Anoop again and he could see in his eyes that there was no changing his mind. This was their life now and they were both doing the best that they could.

"Besides," Anoop said with a smile. "When Bailey decides to embark of his eventual singing career despite all our protests I want him to be on the best label around."

Matt snorted a laugh, rolling his eyes. "I love you, too, Noop," Matt said. Anoop smiled at him gently and didn't let him go. They looked into each other's eyes until Martha came back in the room.

"You passed the real test," Martha said, fanning herself with Anoop's credit card. "Cha-ching."

After a moment everyone laughed.

"You guys need to get dressed. We need outfits. Now, does anyone want to be in all white?"

Matt glanced at Anoop and then they shook their head at the same time.

"No--" Matt said.

"Wait," Anoop said, thoughtfully. "I think someone should be in white. Bailey. He's the most innocent one here."

"Yeah," Matt said, beaming. In that moment it felt like everything came together just the way it was supposed to be. He didn't have any doubts, he wasn't nervous. He was just ready to do this.

"Okay, Bailey in white," Martha said. "That's a really cute idea. I'm sure we have something he can wear. But our rule is that the bride and groom or groom and groom do not see each other before the ceremony. So you guys need to split up. Who gets the cutie?"

"I'll take Bee," Matt said, before Anoop could say anything. He went over to the corner and grabbed Bailey. "Come on Bailey-Bee. We have to get dressed to get married!"

"See you soon, Bailey," Anoop said. Matt offered Bailey up so Anoop could give a kiss. Then they followed Martha to the dressing rooms where they each had a personal consultant to help them pick out a tux.

"What do you think, Bee?" Matt said, holding up a black tux with a baby blue vest. "Do you think Anoop will like it? Daddy loves the Tar Heels, you know. He makes this Daddy watch all the games. That's something you do when you really love somebody."

Matt turned around in the mirror, trying to determine if he looked stupid in it or not. The consultant said he looked extremely handsome.

"Anoop's probably going to wear a bow tie," Matt said. "That's taking it a little too far for me. I'm just going to wear a tie."

Bailey was surprisingly cooperative when they fit him for his little white tux which was almost too adorable as soon as he had it on.

"Look at you, Bailey!" Matt said. "You're the star of the show."

"Can my tiger get married, too?" Bailey asked.

"Bailey, I've got a special job for you," Matt said. He turned to the consultant. "Do you guys have, like, a pillow for the rings? I actually have rings that I want to give Anoop. It's a surprise."

They let Bailey pick out the pillow since he was the ringbearer. Bailey looked at his choices carefully and then pointed at the satin black one.

"Perfect," Matt said, giving Bailey a hug. "I'm so happy, baby. Do you know that you make me the happiest guy in the world? You and daddy do."

"I know," Bailey said, matter of factly. Matt laughed and hugged him tighter.

The consultant was also a hairdresser so she gave Matt that haircut he'd been long overdue for and shaped up his facial hair after she gave his face a good scrub. Bailey sat still while she gave him a trim and cleaned off the hair on the back of his neck.

"Yes," the consultant said. "You both look very handsome. I think you're ready to go."

Just before they went out there, Matt knelt in front of Bailey and gave him the instructions again.

"Okay, baby," he said. "When I tell you to come over I want you to walk toward me and Daddy and hold the pillow still, okay? We don't want to lose the rings. You got it, Bee?" He kissed Bailey's nose and Bailey giggled.

"Got it!" Bailey said, confidently.

"Okay, Bailey, you wait out there," Matt said. He felt a little worried, leaving Bailey there with the consultant but it was just for a few minutes. Matt walked up the alter where he stood under the wedding arch and waited in front of the wedding officiant. Martha took a seat in the front row and waved at him.

There wasn't any music when Anoop came. He wasn't carrying any flowers. He just walked down the aisle like he was heading to the nearest bathroom but he still took Matt's breath away.

He was wearing a bow-tie just like Matt predicted. He could definitely pull them off. His tux was black and white, all classic and classy, just like Anoop was. He looked tall and lean and just so handsome. Matt couldn't stop grinning. Anoop stood across from him and grinned back at him.

"I love the color," Anoop said. Matt's face hurt already from smiling so much.

"Okay," the wedding officiant said. He was a slight older man who was balding, but not as bad as Kris was these days. Only Matt knew about the hair implants. "Let's begin."

"Where's Bailey?" Anoop said. Matt knew he couldn't keep Bailey out of Anoop's sight for very long. Even if he told Anoop he was perfectly fine Anoop would still worry and Matt didn't like to have Bailey out of his sight for very long either.

"Hold on," Matt said to the officiant. "We're missing one person. The most important person in our lives. Bailey!" he yelled. Anoop flinched.

Bailey came through the double doors, walking proudly down the aisle in his tux, holding the pillow. Anoop looked at Bailey in surprise and then up at Matt. He shrugged innocently.

"Well, where did that come from, Bailey?" Matt said with a grin. "I thought we said no rings!"

"You gave them to me, Daddy!" Bailey said. Everyone laughed, even the officiant. They helped Bailey up there on the altar with them and he held the pillow as he stood between them.

"Bailey, look look like an angel," Anoop said. He reached down to tousle Bailey's hair, gently. "You don't look half bad yourself, Matt. Nice haircut. You look really good."

"So do you," Matt said. His heart was pounding, he was so happy and excited. "You look so good too. Bailey is our angel, isn't he?"

Anoop nodded, smiling the same way Matt was. "He is."

"Okay, let's begin, again," the official said. Matt chuckled, the nerves settling in a bit again. It was absolutely surreal to be up there, standing across from Anoop with their adopted kid between them, about to get married. He never in a million years thought this would be his life even just five years ago but now he couldn't imagine it going any other way. He wanted to drop to his knees and thank God right there for everything. Instead, he settled for praying in his head, closing his eyes for just a moment, just to utter a simple _thank you_ and send it to the heavens above.

The officiant gave them the standard speech they paid for that was only slightly religious. Matt didn't really listen. The words weren't that important. What really mattered were the feelings, the power of what was happening between them. He knew that this was forever but this ceremony sort of cemented that and it was a profound feeling. It was all Matt could do to keep his feet on the floor. He felt like he could float away with happiness or fall over-- he wasn't quite sure which one.

"Would you two like to say your own vows?" the officiant asked. Matt opened his mouth but Anoop was already nodding.

"Yeah," he said. "I would." Anoop looked down at Bailey again. "Are those really rings? For us?"

"Want them, Daddy?" Bailey said.

"Later, baby," Matt said. Bailey heaved a sigh and held the pillow to his chest.

Anoop was still staring at the rings. After a moment he looked at Matt and took a deep breath.

"The first day I met you changed my life," Anoop said and then he stopped. Matt watched him, carefully. Anoop looked at his shoes and cleared his throat.

"It's not like anything unusual happened," Anoop continued. "But if I didn't meet you the first day of Hollywood week we wouldn't have this right now." Anoop had to stop again and he squeezed his eyes closed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Matt reached over and rubbed his arm. Anoop sniffed and looked up at him again.

"Sorry," he said, giving Matt a weak smile. "God. This just... gets me." He took another deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay. Sorry. Wow. Okay." Anoop ran his hand through his hair. Matt laughed a little.

"I've never loved anyone like I love you," Anoop finally continued, looking at Matt again. His eyes were glassy and Matt wondered if it was against the rules to hug him. "Even for as long as I tried to deny it I just kept coming back to you. Nobody can make me smile as much as you can. Nobody can make me feel as good. I can trust you with anything, Matt. At first we were best friends and it was so strange but at the same time it was so right. We were friends and we've always been the closest friends and that's what I treasure the most." Anoop swiped at his eyes quickly and cleared his throat again.

"I've made decisions with you that I never thought I'd make," Anoop said. "And they were the right ones. It was always hard for me to stay. It was hard for us to be together. But in the end I just realized that I couldn't be happy any other way. You make me happy. Every day you make me so happy. You've taught me so much about myself and about life and about music. I'm a better person from knowing you. I'm a better man and musician and I'm a better father. I owe you so much, Matt." Anoop's voice broke and he covered his eyes again. Matt squeezed his shoulder and smiled apologetically at the officiant. He just smiled back like he was used to this.

"Sorry," Anoop said. He coughed and wiped his eyes. The officiant handed him a tissue that appeared out of nowhere. Anoop dabbed at his nose and crushed the tissue in his hand. Matt was caught somewhere between wanting to cry himself and grinning insanely forever. "I tried everything to convince myself that this would never work out in the long run. But when Matt and I weren't together it felt like something was missing. I was never fully happy. He fulfills something inside me that I can't name. I just know that I can't live my life without you, Matt, and I'm glad we were finally brave enough to make this commitment like this. Being with you has made me brave. Thank you."

Matt smiled at Anoop and his eyes stayed surprisingly dry. He'd never seen Anoop like this but it didn't scare him. It just cemented the fact that they were doing the right thing. This is what they had been waiting their whole life for.

"Most of all, you brought me my baby. Bailey is simply amazing and incredible. I didn't know what I was missing until we adopted him. Every day is a better day because of him. Everything I work so hard for is for Bailey and it feels like it was always that way. I don't know what I would have done with you. We went though this together and I'll never forget. Each and every day I thank God that Bailey has you. You're the best father for him and the best role model for me. I just--" Anoop's voice cracked again and this time he laughed a little. "Damn it. Oh." Anoop covered his mouth for a moment. "You probably shouldn't say that when you're getting married."

Matt laughed with him. He decided he didn't care about any rules and he pulled Anoop into a hug. He held Anoop tightly while Anoop buried his face in Matt's shoulder. He didn't care that his tux was getting wet. He was going to return it anyway.

They pulled away after a few moments. Anoop took a deep breath and shook his head with a smile. His eyes were red-rimmed but still happy.

"I swear I don't mean to talk and cry all day," Anoop said. "I just don't know if I've ever told Matt this before and I want to get it all out."

"I know, Anoop," Matt said. Maybe Anoop had never said any of this out loud before but Matt knew from the way Anoop looked at him at night. He knew from his arm around him or a simple brush of Anoop's lips on Matt's cheek.

"That doesn't mean I don't have to say it," Anoop said. "I just needed to say it. I love you with my whole heart and I promise to do that forever. I'll always be there for you. I'll always support you. For the rest of our lives, Matt."

"Daddy," Bailey interrupted, patting Anoop's leg. "Daddy?"

"Yes, Bailey," Anoop said, looking down at him.

"You're crying?" Bailey asked.

"It's okay, baby," Anoop said, lifting Bailey into his arms. "I'm just happy, buddy. I'm really really happy."

"Daddy?" Bailey said. He was still holding onto the pillow which Matt thought was quite an accomplishment.

"Yes, baby?" Anoop asked.

"I love you!" Bailey yelled. He threw his arms around Anoop's neck and giggled. That was what finally set Matt off. He grinned and wiped his cheeks, watching Anoop hug Bailey tight.

"I love you, too, buddy," Anoop choked out. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Matt said. He sniffed and caught Anoop's eye. Anoop grinned at him.

"Noop," Matt said. "I just love you and I've been ready for this for a long time. You put up with me, you take care of me, you give me everything, Anoop. It's not just me, you gave me Bailey, too. This is what I want out of life. I want you, I want our family. I want music too but this is the most important thing that I want. Just know that I'll always be your partner. We'll always be together. I'll do anything you ask me too, Anoop. Without hesitation. You're my best friend. I never want that to change."

"I'll do anything for you, too," Anoop whispered. Matt put his arms around Anoop again with Bailey in-between. It felt different, now, with his arms around his family. It felt like something had changed. It felt like it was official.

And then the officiant was speaking again.

"Do you have the rings?" he said. Matt didn't know what he was talking about for a moment until Bailey shoved the pillow at him.

"Oh," Matt said, taking the pillow. "Right."

"These rings are beautiful," Anoop said. "You really didn't have to do that, Matt."

"Yes, I did," Matt said. "You really like it?"

"Yes," Anoop said. The bands were simple, platinum, with a hammered finish. Matt hoped they were elegant, that it wasn't tacky that they matched. He didn't really know what he was doing so he could only do his best. Anoop smiled, taking one of the rings from the pillow.

"I think we were supposed to do the rings while we were saying the vows," Anoop said. The officiant shrugged. Matt laughed sheepishly as he slipped Anoop's ring on his finger.

"I promise to love you and Bailey," Matt said. "Always."

Anoop took Matt's hand. Matt felt a shiver run down his spine when Anoop slipped his ring on. Anoop kissed his ring finger.

"I promise to love you and Bailey, too," Anoop said. "Always."

"With the power invested in me by the state of Nevada," the officiant said. "I now declare you married. You can kiss each other now!"

Matt kissed Anoop eagerly. It was everything he hoped for in their first kiss as a married couple-- deep and passionate and hungry with a tingly salty taste between them. The best part was when they turned to Bailey and they each kissed him on the cheek at the same time. Bailey just laughed.

The cake was waiting as soon as they got into the reception room which was basically like a small lunchroom with a few decorations that they paid for. Martha gave them each a hug as they walked inside. She wiped a tear from her eye.

"That was one of the most beautiful ceremonies I've ever witnessed!" she said. "You two really care about each other."

"I was just really sick for a few days," Anoop said. "I think it made me a little crazy."

"Oh stop!" Martha said, swatting Anoop's arm. "It was magical. I'm really happy for you two."

"One of the best days of my life," Matt said softly.

"Not _the_ best?" Anoop teased.

"Well," Matt said. "There's stiff competition from the day we got Bailey."

"Cake!" Bailey said, pointing. Matt cut him a slice and sat him at a picnic bench style table with a fork. Bailey liked using his hands better.

Anoop sat close to Matt on the other side. "He's never said 'I love you' before," he said, in a low voice. "Not out loud."

Matt pulled Anoop closer and kissed his forehead. "I bet he's going to say it a lot more," Matt said.

"I love you," Anoop said. They kissed lightly a few times. Matt nuzzled his nose against Anoop's and smiled.

"Love you too, Noop," Matt said. They looked up when they heard Bailey's fork clatter on the floor.

"Ooops," Bailey said. He licked a big chunk of frosting off his palm. Anoop pulled out his phone and took a picture of Bailey with cake all over his face.

"How are you feeling, Bee?" Matt asked.

Bailey grinned and wiggled his messy hands. "I'm great!" he said. Matt laughed along with Anoop.

"I think we better try some of that cake," he said. Anoop took another picture as Martha came back in the room.

"Oh no, you don't," she said. "You paid for wedding pictures. Where's my camera? Oh." It was hanging around her neck. "Okay, the three of you get together. I'm going to take your picture."

"Come here, Bee," Matt said. Bailey decided to crawl across the top of the table. It didn't matter. Anoop grabbed him and sat him down in the middle of both their laps on the picnic bench.

"You wanna clean him off?" Martha asked as Bailey licked his fingers happily.

Anoop put his arm around Matt's shoulders. "Nah," he said. "Not yet."

"Okay, guys," Martha said. "One... two... three!"

The flash was blinding, especially for an indoor shot. Matt blinked a few times but he was still seeing stars.

"Oh wait," Martha said. "That wasn't right. Hold on..."

"More cake, Daddy!" Bailey said.

"Sure, Bailey, you can have as much cake as you want," Anoop said.

"You sure that's a good idea?" Matt said.

"Why not? It's a celebration. Besides, if Bailey pukes, it'll probably be on me. I'm his favorite target."

Matt laughed and rested his head on Anoop's shoulder. "So what's next? After pictures and cake?"

Anoop placed his hand on Matt's hair, pulling their heads closer together. Bailey leaned back so he was resting on both of them, waiting for his cake. Matt put his hand on one of Bailey's legs and Anoop rested his hand on the other. Matt could feel Anoop's ring there against his hair, cool and weighty. His own hand felt strange but he knew he would get used to it soon. Being with Anoop was the greatest comfort that Matt had ever known. He was grateful that he would never have to give that up, that this was forever. He and Anoop had something special. He knew that from the start. He had known that the whole time. Now that it was confirmed Matt couldn't wait to see how great their life together could be.

"After that," Anoop said. "Let's go home."


End file.
